Misc Jokes*There was a blonde and a brunette. They shared their ranch and had lots of femal cows. One day, they decided to get a male for breeding to their femal cows. SO the brunette went down to Texas with her life savings of $200 to buy a male cow. She searched up and down and all around and finally found a man that would sell her a cow for $199. Very excited, she bought the cow right away. She then went to the telegram office to send the blonde a telegram to tell her to bring the trailer so they could take the cow back home.
She said,"Sir, I need a telegram."
"What will it say, ma'am?"
"I found a male cow. Bring the trailer."
"Okay ma'am, that will be $7. One dollar a word."
The brunnette only had one dollar left so she said,"Oh, sorry, I need to change the telegram."
"Okay, what does it need to say?"
"Comfortable."
"Uh, ma'am..? It's none of my business, but I don't think she will understand that, you know that right?"
"Well, you see, my friend is a blonde and she reads REALLY slow. When she gets the telegram, she will read it like this: COM-FOR-DA-BULL!"
*Horse slang: Skid Lid - a riding helmet
*Some horses are so polite that when they come to a fence, they stop and let you go over first.
*There was a famous jockey who never lost a race. When asked how he achieved this, he replied, I whisper in the horse's ear: Roses are red, violets are blue, horses that lose are made into glue.
*A horse walked into the Ice Cream shop.
"I'll get a chocolate ice cream cone,"the horse said.
The Ice Cream Man, John, gave the horse the cone. The horse, having a $10 bill in his wallet, gave the money to John. Since John thought the horse wouldn't know a thing about money, he gave the horse one dollar back.
"Thanks for coming," John said to the horse. "We don't get many horses around here!"
The horse replied,"Well, it's no wonder for $9.00 a cone!
*A blonde was riding her horse in the country and she was jumping creeks and cross-country jumps. She was having a great time until something spooked her horse and her horse took of running as fast as it could. The blonde was screaming as loud as she could for help when she saw someone walk over through the corner of her eye. The Wal-Mart manager walked over to the machine and pulled the plug.
*A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising force. No one answered. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. HE had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender left the bar and asked meekly,"Say, partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" THe cowboy turned back and said,"I had to walk home." *This man had two horses, but couldn't tell them apart. HE went to the horse whisperer and asked, "Is there a way I can tell my two horses apart??" The horse whisperer replied, "Cut their tails different lengths."
The man did just that, but hte tail grew out again and he couldn't tell them apart. So he went back and the horse whisperer said, "What gender are they?" The man replied,"Both female." "Oh, do they have any markings that would help?" asked the horse whisperer. "Well.. one is black and the other is white," said the man.
*Two horses wer racing down the race track. One said to the other,"I don't remember you mane, but your pace is familiar."
*A man was driving into town, and he fell in a big ditch in the middle of the road. A farmer came up and said, "My horse Sebastian can pull you out," the man said ok and the farmer got Sebastian. When Sebastian was hooked up, the farmer said, "Pull Ranger! C'mon Benny! Let's go Delilah!" Then the farmer said,"Pull, Sebastian, pull!" Then the car was out of the ditch, and the man said, "I have a question, why did you say the wrong name three times?" And the farmer said, "Because Sebastian is blind, if he knew other horses weren't pulling, he wouldn't even try..."
*There was a horse who said, "Hey, come here." THe other horse said, "Hay is costly, straw is cheaper, grass is free. Buy a farm and you'll get all three."
*The thunder god went for a ride upon his favorite filly. "I'm Thor!" he cried. The horse replied,"You forgot your thaddle thilly."
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