| MONTGOMERY COUNTY FAIR Now, it�s been a long time since I�ve gone to a fair and I�m quite certain that I�ve never paid admission to one. Oh well, it was $5. And what did this $5 get you? More chances to pay $5! Oh boy! So, we paid our admission fee, found good parking spots and went in to the fair. This is when I first started to notice that pretty much everything in the fair cost an additional $5. You would think that the admission would cover something. Maybe the main event at the fair? No, it covered almost nothing. Now, the reason I say almost is because it did cover one thing. The ���petting zoo.��� Trust me, the extra quotations are necessary. I wish I had pictures of it but I didn�t remember about my camera until we had already seen it and I didn�t go back, partly because I forgot, but mostly because of the horrible stench of filthy animals that live in and eat their own feces. It was one of the saddest things you�d ever see. The first thing you notice as you enter the little warehouse in which the dozen animals are kept is the donkey. This is not just any donkey, this is a soulless donkey. It looked like it died inside many years ago. All it did is stand there and stare into empty space while all the little children gawked at it and secretly wished they too were soulless donkeys. There were also two cows that might have been drugged since they were just lying on the floor twitching with their limbs overlapping each other. Though, I guess that could have been the result of liberal use of a cattle prod too. Finally we found the main contributor of the awful aroma circulating through half of the fair. It was a turkey. For one, I didn�t know that turkeys stank like flesh that�s been rotting for 2 years. Of course, I don�t really know all that much about turkeys except that I like to eat them. Well, mostly the by-products of turkey. I don�t too much care for regular turkey and I don�t think I ever will after experiencing that heap of decaying feathers. But enough about the animal warehouse. We did plenty of other things. Things that involve PICTURES. Yeah, that�s a turkey leg. Does it look disgusting to anyone else? I thought someone had accidentally excremented on the grill, and someone thought it would be fun to barbecue it up and put it on a stick. When I enquired about the shit sticks they informed me that no, they were just turkey legs. Probably from a turkey like the one we had just seen. And people still bought them. Did they see that disgusting excuse for a life form? Oh, by the way, $5. Here�s Mullet-man preparing for the destruction derby. Ever thought it would be really cool to see a destruction derby? Well, so did I. Seems that we both were wrong. They put about 8 or 9 cars in a pen about the size of my bathtub and they�re supposed to hit each other and cause �destruction.� The only �destruction� that was going on was that of all my hopes and dreams. For one, the cars could barely move around in that tiny pen. It was ridiculous. I don�t know if you can see very well in this picture but there it is. So, the cars shuffle around a little bit, then WHOA, someone�s wheel pops off. I don�t know how that even happened but WOW, nothing can beat a wheel falling off of a car that�s hardly even moving. But seriously, that was the most entertaining part of the whole event. And meanwhile, in the background you hear some announcer guy telling you what�s going on in case you can�t see for yourself. �Wait, it looks like car number 10 is starting to move. Wait, no, it�s still stuck just like all the others in that tiny little bathtub of an arena.� You�re probably also wondering why I�m so far away from the derby. If you look closely at the picture you can see some stands to the left that you can sit in to see it. Guess how much they cost to sit in? Yep, $5. CONTINUE! |
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