Daisy: This is difficult. I may already have hooked up with the Hunchback already (things happen when your drinking.) However; now, putting that up against Kong Dong, and the ickier cousin of Alex from Submachine�.Hey! Wait! This is a trick question! How dare you start off my interview with a trick question! If I wanted to be abducted, it wouldn�t be abduction, now would it? I am gonna go with Lagoon boy though. The Hunchback does the whole bell tower thing, and King Kong�s fond of skyscrapers � I�m terrified of heights!
Tom: Put together the world�s most kick ass band, but with superheroes. Who plays what, what type of music, and do they have a team�err�band name?
Daisy: I�d get the Fenris twins on lead vocals and guitars, Shinobi Shaaw on keyboards, Quicksilver on drums and Captain Britain on bass. I�d imagine that they�d make for a fine glam-pop band in the tradition of Soft Cell or Blue Period�but the whole thing would be blown to hell if Simon Archard didn�t manage them, and if he did he�d choose their name, he�s far more intelligent and clever than myself.
Tom: You can bring one dead person back to life, who is it?
Daisy: I�d bring Banaster Tarleton (Lieutenant of a British dragoon regiment during the Revolutionary War) back to life. I hears he was good in bed AND that he was big on the parties. But really, I�d just like for him to take a walk with me around �The United States� and get a good chuckle.
Tom: You can have a boyfriend who is the best at one thing in the entire history of the world. What do you choose him to be best at?
Daisy: God! This is the most unfair question in the world! Honestly, I�d have to go with a boyfriend who is the best in the world at adapting. Then I�d never get bored and he�d be all chameleon-like and change with MY every mood. Ha! I bet you thought I was gonna say fucking. Tisk�tisk�
Tom: You�re on a boat heading for a deserted island where you�ll spend the rest of your life with your favorite movie, CD, book, TV show and mate. The boat sinks and you drown and go to hell. The opposite of these things are waiting for you and a muggy eternity in hell. What are they?
Daisy: Let�s see�movie hell�anything artsy, maybe Caligula. Music hell � Creed or anything that faintly resembles them. Book hell � easy, Beowulf! TV show hell�definitely without a doubt, urban sitcoms. As far as someone for mate hell goes�I�m going to go with someone who is condescending with a low IQ � condescending with a high IQ doesn�t even bother me slightly, actually, I encourage that.
Tom: Finally the dickweeds in Holly wood realize how fantastic your life is, and decide to make a big budget bonanza about it. Cast the flick � that means yourself family and friends�and no �Not casting yourself� or any of that crap�don�t even try to weasel out of this.
Daisy: To play the part of myself, I�d cast Nicole Kidman � sure, we look nothing alike, but at least it�ll do well at the box office, and probably win some awards and crap. No, seriously, I�d rather go with Georgiana Cates to play me, once again we don�t look alike, but she�s really cool. I�d cast Goldie Hawn as my mom definitely, Sinbad as my stepfather Bobby, Andy Garcia as my father, Kim Basinger as his girlfriend, Resse Witherspoon as my best friend Rachel, David Cross as butthead�I mean you (Tom), Matthew Perry as Louie Louie, David Keith as Pistol Pete and then the parts of my important boyfriends (all named Dan by the way) will be played by David Bowie, James Marsters and Edward Norton. Trust me, I could go on and on � I know a lot of people, but these ones just had the BIGGEST impacts on my life.
Tom: A giant asteroid filled with rabid space lemurs is screaming towards Earth. You and the rest of the world have 24 hours left. What do you do in the last 24 hours before the lethal lemurs strike? What song would you be playing as the Earth ended?
Daisy: Umm�hmm�I�d do a lot of heroin�slit my wrists�fuck a corpse and listen to �Rebel Rebel��you know, things every wholesome young lady always dreams of. Besides, I saw it in a movie once and it looked really cool.
Tom: You have the power to possess one person for 24 hours, once a week for the rest of their life. So who gets to be your ultimate puppet?
Daisy: If I could posses anyone? My god�hehe�.there�s so many of them�how about I just say The Invisible Woman and leave it at that. Draw what conclusions you will.
Tom: You can go back in time and change one moment in the world�s or your own personal history. What�s it gonna be?
Daisy: For the world, I would alter history so that England won the Revolutionary war. For me, the moment I lost my virginity�I would�ve paid more attention to that, instead of focusing on �Sid & Nancy�.
Tom: Sure its generic, but you get to choose one superpower. Which is it?
Daisy: If I could have one superpower, I�d go with something transportive. I don�t know if I�d prefer something in a blink in and out of time periods or something more along the lines of just teleporting in the present to a different place. No matter what, I�d have no need for a fucking drivers license, auto insurance, gas money or DUI charges.
Tom: I believe I�m a lot less sore than a gay man (although if I was gay, and seeing as much action as I do as a straight man, I guess I wouldn�t be all that sore.
Daisy: Do you believe that all people should be heterosexual men?
Tom: By God, No! That�s all I fucking need � more competition.
Daisy: You were once quoted as saying �the cow jumped over the clock��what does this mean? Is it some kinda crazy code?
Tom: Actually, it�s a cautionary tale. The cow tries to jump over the clock, but her utters get snagged on the clock�s hands and puncture her utters, sending milk spraying willy nilly. This story is supposed to illustrate that some things aren�t natural. I often relate this story to cute girls who appear to be thinking too much.
Daisy: Recast a recent box office smash hit, in a way that it would be a complete failure.
Tom: Spiderman/Peter Parker � Carrottop; The Green Goblin � Richard Simmons; Aunt May & Uncle Ben � Donnie & Marie Osmond; Mary Jane Watson � Whoopie Goldberg; or just shove Matthew Perry in there somewhere and it�ll tank real good.
Daisy: Are you now, or have you ever been affiliated with a charitable or civic organization?
Tom: Yes. I was a proud member of the Cub Scouts, Weblows (no laughing) and the Boy Scouts. When I was around 13, I quit the boy scouts. Suddenly, the idea of running around the woods with grown men and other boys wearing neckerchiefs and short pants with an obsession for tying knots seemed a little�uh�creepy.
Daisy: What sorts of special rights and/or benefits should be made or given to writers? Would it depend on the type of writer or length of time they�d been writing?
Tom: Any poor bastard even attempting to write comic books should be treated like a cross between royaly and an endangered Siberian Tiger. Anybody who has the balls to tell a girl he just met at a bar that he plans on writing comic books for a living, while actually harboring any delusion he�s going to ever see said girl naked, now that�s just the definition of a �special� individual.
Daisy: I know you�re a big fan of all that pop-culture crap�what is your most over-analyzed piece of pop-culture? Is it a comic book storyline? Is it a possible clue-in line on Buffy? Is it a Ben Weasel quote? What makes you go �gah?� and why?
Tom: It�s a tie between my constantly wondering which super-heroes from other companies would win in a fight, versus my constant spoiler hunting and speculation regarding anything Buffy related. Wait, I think I can combine the two�I wonder if Buffy could beat up Spider-Man�hmm�I better go post some messages on the internet regarding this. That way I know I�ll get level-headed, well reasoned feedback.
Daisy: If you could do one thing (anything) in the world to irritate either one or both of your parents, what would it be? What about your brother?
Tom: Let�s see�to annoy my dad � be a terminally unemployed, wanna-be writer who drinks too much and sleeps in till 1:30. My mom � live all the way across the globe from her and rarely be decent enough to call or drop her an email. Wait, I already do these things. To annoy my brother�If I could only train my dog to piss on his bed�exclusively�and often.
Daisy: If you could take over the life of any super-hero or super-villain, who would it be? What would you do then as them?
Tom: Although Spider-man, Dr. Doom & Krypto the Wonder Dog are all close contenders�c�mon � my mind�s in the gutter! So, all I have to say is �Mister Fantastic.� I�d have a very lucrative �film� career.
Daisy: If you were a �star-maker,� and putting together the next big boy (or girl) band, who would you choose and how would you change their image to fit the needs of the public?
Tom: Well, let�s just say, I�ve worked with some kids who�how should I put this delicately�the buses they ride to school on must have started smoking very young, because their growth is a bit stunted. It would be a boy band, and I�d call it the �Special Eds.� They�d jump around and dance, grab their crotches constantly and viciously hump the air and inanimate objects�.and this would take zero work; they already act like this on a daily basis. They would be the biggest thing to hit the US since the TV show, �Life Goes On�.
Daisy: What was the worst thing that has ever happened to you? Tell us in depth�even if it causes you to weep.
Tom: How do I narrow down all the things that ever happened to me? Do I take down the thick and numerous volumes of romantic disappointments off the shelves and highlight just one? Do I focus on my unfulfilled dreams and ambitions and try to pinpoint the specific moment they began to strangle my soul and drive me insane? Perhaps I need to be more broad. What was the first moment I realized my own dwindling mortality, the first time I questioned the existence of god, justice or love�How do you choose one such pivotal moment? Wait! I know what it is�.just give me a moment�here it is�I got hit in the balls really hard one during a little league game. It was a line-drive to second and I was daydreaming. Man, that really sucked!