| A nation resounds: "'Bout Fuckin' Time" A recent street poll conducted by CUNY resulted in an astounding 67% return of people who formerly thought he had died "In the 80's or something". Cardinal Egan of the NY Dioces attributed the former president's longevity to a regular diet of melba toast and stem cells, and a daily excercise routine of "neck crunches and detatched gazing". Commemorative plans stretch from the controversial replacement of Alexander Hamilton (a man who was summarily killed in a duel by the then-current vice president Aaron Burr) on the 10 dollar bill, to carving the former president's face into the landmass of the Indian Subcontinent in hopes of drawing in the presumed "Cowboy Aliens" described in the literature of late Autor and Laureate L. Ron Hubbard. Whatever form it takes, remembrances of the late "movie star" president are sure to leave a deep scar in those who have registered for selective services, who will receive mandatory commemorative tattoos starting July Fourth. Looks like some ouchies for our nations' fellers! EXCLUSIVE REAGAN PHOTO! |
| Finally, a New Argument for Stem-Cell Research |