toptenlists3

Helen's
Top Ten Reasons Why I Like Watching House League Hockey
Go Phil! Woop!

10. On the odd occasion, my brother actually scores.
9. Fifteen-year olds and penalties! Yes!
8. Those hard wooden benches have got to be good for your ass.
7. Zambonis.
6. You get to wear woolens indoors. Genius!
5. There is high entertainment value in watching people yell obscenities at the referee.
4. I get to yell obscenities at the referee.
3. You never get a chance to hear my mother complain so much in such a short period of time otherwise.
2. There's something about hockey moms yelling 'In and out! Go hard, go fast! In and out!' that's just really funny.
1. Five words: Snack bar nachos and cheese.

Third Floor E House's
Top Ten Ways To Know That You Live in Founders College, E House
Nothing works, the lighting is bad, and it smells kind of funky...but it's home.

10. Yes, the ceiling in the shower is dripping.
9. No, we won't fix it this week.
8. Or this week.
7. You're not sure if that smell is Helen's incense burning, or Kerry's . . .well, you know. . .burning.
6.The ratio of guys to girls is 1:5, and yet the seat is always up.
5. There is only one way to get to IKEA, and that way is named Kaisha.
4. For some reason, there is a pair of socks/ tub of random condiments/ cowboy boot/ nonsensical drunk that's been in the hallway for weeks.
3. Anyone who knows will tell you that the common room isn't in the basement- it's in E307.
2. It's the only place in the world to hear the Dixie Chicks, Smashing Pumpkins, Jon Bon Jovi, Snoop Dogg, Ella Fitzgerald and some obnoxious jungle/emo tune play at painful decibels in the same place, at any given time.
1. 'Tonight's Dollar Beer Night! Woop!'

You might not know when your next exam is, or what day that house event is on. . .
but you can always say exactly which night it is in The Cock.

Marcus'
Top Ten Ways To Know If She's a Ho*
(You know I'm sayin'?!)

10. She thinks giving head is playing hard to get.
9. She starts the clock as soon as you get your pants off.
8. She screams out her dad's name while in bed.
7. Jane and Finch is a "cool" place to hang out.
6. Putting on panties is 'dressing up'.
5. Her yearbook quote says, "I can't believe I sucked the whole thing!"
4. You find her dildos in the dishwasher.
3. She has a milk moustache...but it ain't milk.
2. She knows what DVDA is...and likes it.
1. You find another man's watch in her box .

*Note: Steve would like us to mention the term 'Dirty Sanchez', simply because he finds it funny.
-Helen

Derek's
Response to
Top Ten Ways to Know That You Live in Founders College, E House
It's on!

10. Yes, the toilet on the right overflows.
9. Okay, now it's fixed.
8. Oh, so now it's overflowing again.
7. The stairwell smells like urine, yet they say it's 'just been cleaned'.
6. For love of God, I put the seat down ALL THE TIME!
5. A pile of laundry is an adequate substitute for a couch.
4. So. . .that's where my other cowboy boot went.
3. We have a common room?
2. Thank God that Bon Jovi never makes its way to my end of the hall.
1. Your neighbour's not a fucking mod.

Alex's
Top Ten Ways to Know That Helen Parked Too Far From the Mall
Also Known as 'Alex Really Likes the Bus'

10. It would have been faster to walk. Much faster.
9. You've already discussed the meaning of life. Twice.
8. Seeing Helen naked only seemed like a big deal the fiftieth time you brought it up. (Don't ask...but it's not what you think.)
7. The remaining flesh on your bones is FROZEN.
6. Five people already tried to back over you.
5. While on her way to finding the spot, she ran over and killed four people.
4. The Christmas rush is over, much as the hustle and bustle of humanity is long since dead.
3. You've considered putting Helen in a wheelchair so she can have an excuse for parking in a decent spot.
2. "Please, that is SO 24th century."
1. As you lie beaten, exhausted and famished...she remembers she left the phone in the car.