| Return of the Top Ten... |
| Louise's Top Ten Reasons Being Short and Small is Bad Louise= stumpy lovin'. 10. At concerts, you can't see when someone sits in front of you, unless you stand on your chair or something. 9. People use your head as an armrest. (I am not a chair!) 8. You have to put the driver's seat right up to the wheel to reach the pedals. No Gino styles for me! 7. You get mistaken for a twelve-year-old. 6. You're always known as 'little such-and-such'. 5. Your head gets stucks between the stand-up roller coaster head things...*head squish!* 4. You can slide right out of the lap bar on sit-down rollercoasters. 3. When you're little, you get ID'd until you're 30. 2. 2 Beers and you're shitfaced. 1. People throw you like 6 feet in the air and play catch with you. |
| Danny's Top Ten Things to do to the Homeless (Helen does not endorse this! No! No! No!) 10. Sit beside them and yell 'Get a job!' to all the passing suits. 9. Give them video tokens and wish them better luck with Mrs. Pac Man than you had. 8. Take their Tim Horton's cup full of change. The homeless are malnourished and can't chase you. 7. Give them a bottle of vodka- you don't want them to waste your money on food. 6. Ask them to be your butler, and then fire them for showing up to work out of uniform. 5. When they ask you for change, answer with 'Sorry, I have all these pesky hundreds no one will break for me.' 4. Give them Pesos. 3. Ask for them change and when they won't give you any, get mad because you can see it in their hat. 2. Give them extra spicy burritos and watch what happens over the next hour. 1. Give them a Minibake oven and tell them they're homemakers. |
| Serena and Kate's Top Ten Ways to Tell If You're a Unversity Alcoholic Not just presidents of the Founders Lush Club- they're also clients. 10. You consider everything you buy in terms of how much alcohol you could have otherwise with that money. 9. All you have in your fridge is water and beer. 8. People you don't know ask you if you're okay, and how your night was. 7. You're told you were taken to bed by three dons and two porters. 6. The bartender asks your neighbour how they think you're doing. 5. When you develop your film, there are pictures you don't remember taking. 4. Everyone at the bar knows your name, and you don't remember meeting them. 3. People automatically assume you're drunk. 2. You act drunk even when you're not, just out of habit. 1. You don't remember writing this top ten list later on. |
| Jesse's Top Ten Ways to Know if You're Mod (Jesse's not a fucking mod!) 10. Every time you walk in the ghetto, people consistently shoot at your bulls-eye shirt. 9. You get ironically angry when your personalized license plates come back saying 'mAd'. 8. You ask to be taken off life support so you can have space to plug in your CD player so you can listen to 'Kinda Kinks'. 7. Every time you stalk Paul Weller he wimpishly calls the police. 6. You're Bea Arthur and you're starring in a controversial left-wing 70's sitcom. 5. You have murdered three barbers for not knowing how to give you the John Entwistle look. 4. Your sequel to Quadrophrenia, Octophrenia, is not winning great acclaim at the Tommy convention. 3. You are not Helen's fucking neighbour. 2. When you see a rocker drinking from the same fountain, you say 'Man, times have changed.' 1. You haven't had a girlfriend in years because you prefer your 'relationship' with the Ogden's Nut Gone Flaked collection. |
| Helen's Top Ten Ways Make Yourself Sound Dumb Tried, tested, and true. 10. 'I think that velcro flies are the best invention ever!' 9. Say the word 'stupid' like it's spelt with two O's. 'Gawd, that's stoopid!' 8. 'Isn't Michael Jackson a frigging genius?!' 7. 'Studying's for losers.' 6. Make everything into a fake Scottish name. (i.e: 'Stop lying, Lie-y McLiarton.') 5. 'How about let's not and say we did?' 4. 'Woop.' 3. Imitate Marcus. 'You know what I'm saying, guy?' 2. Objects cease to have names and are dubbed 'thingies'. 1. Overuse the word 'Doooode'. |
| Andrew's Top Ten ways to Know You're From the East Coast Namely New Brunswick. 10. Your town name ends in the words 'station' or 'junction'. 9. Toronto is pronounced as 'Tronno.' 8. You have actually been to Maine and casually agree with everybody that it sucks. Hard. 7. Hash is referred to as 'black,' once smoked it is followed by the phrase 'If it ain't black, it's whack.' Always, there are no exceptions to this rule. 6. You never met a black person in real life until you were 10. 5. Immigration? 4. Halifax is referred to as 'Hali' 3. It's not very good. It's 'right' good. 2. You can understand the dialectical roots of 'Nous avons hider le stuff dans le woods.' 1. Your front door step is five feet off the ground. |