�Don�t say it like that,� I scolded.
Billy smiled. �Sorry love. It just feels so final.�
I kissed his forehead. �But it�s not.�
His arms circled my waist as we stood in the busy terminal, wrapped up in each other.
�So, did I tell you? I�m thinking of growing a beard?�
I smiled and touched Billy�s chin. �That could be interesting.�
�I can send you pictures.�
�I don�t want you to go.�
�Dommie, I know. But you know I have to.�
I sighed. �Yeah, I do know.�
�You know, there�s still time to get a ticket.�
I smiled. �Don�t tempt me. I hope you understand why I have to stay.�
Billy caressed my cheek, his long fingers scratching over my stubble. �Of course I understand. Your passion astounds me.�
�Yeah well, my passion is a pain in my ass.�
He laughed, a tinkling sound that bought tears to my eyes. �You�re beautiful my love, and I�ll be counting the days till I see you again.�
I leant against his body, crushing him to me. �Why does this hurt so much?�
Billy ran his hands down my back. �I don�t know, Dom. I really don�t know.�
I woke up with a start, my cheeks wet with tears.
I looked around at my unfamiliar surroundings and remembered that I actually had made it to Viggo�s.
I was in his guest bedroom at the far end of the house and my head pounded from the abundant amount of crying I�d done when I arrived.
I threw back the covers and stumbled out of my room to the bathroom across the hall. I splashed my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
What stared back at me was just a shadow of my former self. I had dark bags under my eyes, from nights of interrupted sleep, and five days worth of stubble on my chin. My skin was sallow and lacking colour and my hair was greasy and matted.
I was a wreck.
I couldn�t remember much of my visit with Viggo, only that I had shown up on his doorstep more depressed than what I was at my own home.
�Hey Dom.�
I looked around at the voice and smiled at Henry. �Did I wake you man?� I asked him.
He shook his head. �No. I was on the Net.�
�At 3 in the morning?� I asked, looking at my watch.
Henry shrugged. �It�s better than sleeping.�
�I suppose so.�
�Are you ok?�
He began walking out into the living area. I followed.
�Not really. But I will be, hopefully.�
Henry got himself a glass of apple juice and put the kettle on. �Is it something to do with Billy?�
I nodded. �Yeah. He went home to Glasgow a few days ago.�
�And you miss him?�
�Yeah. A lot.�
He nodded. �I sorta know what you mean. I miss Dad heaps when I have to go spend time with Mom.�
I smiled. �Yeah, it�s kinda like that.�
Henry sipped from his glass. �Why can�t you go see Bill?�
�Because I made a commitment to stay in LA.�
�And you don�t want to break that commitment?�
I nodded.
�So why can�t you call him if you feel so crappy?�
�I don�t know how to explain it. I just�don�t want it to seem like I can�t live without him, you know?�
Henry frowned. �I sorta get it. Like you wanna show him you can be independent.�
�Exactly.�
He smiled. �So, how is that working out for you?�
�Not so good.�
Henry sat down at the kitchen counter as I busied myself with a cup of coffee. �You know what?�
I looked up from where I was pouring hot water into my mug. �What?�
�You shouldn�t feel bad that you can�t get through without him. It�s nothing to be ashamed of. Loving him and needing him shouldn�t be a task. It should be natural. If it doesn�t feel natural to be without him, do something about it.�
I set down the kettle and looked at Henry. How was it that a 16-year-old had more wisdom than his father and I put together?
�You know what Henry? I think you�re right.�
He smiled. �I know.� He looked at me for a second. �So, what are you doing?�
�What do you mean?� I asked, taking a sip of my scalding coffee.
�Shouldn�t you be on a plane to Glasgow?�
I smiled slowly. �Think your Dad would mind if I took a shower?�
Henry grinned. �Go for it.�
**
�Motherfucker,� I muttered under my breath as I kicked the wide set stone step as I climbed the walk to Orlando�s front door.
I banged on the door loud enough so he would hear, and then a few moments later, I could hear him stumbling through his apartment, swearing and kicking things.
�What the fuck is it?� he demanded, pulling open the door. He was clad only in boxers and I nearly laughed.
�Good morning to you too, Orlando!� I greeted, pushing past him.
�It�s 5 o�clock in the freakin� morning.�
�So it is.�
�So what the fuck do you want?�
I turned around to face him, and was surprised at his venomous look. �I bought donuts.� I held up the bag. �And I need a favour.�
Orlando snatched the bag from me and reached his hand in, bringing it back out with a jelly donut hanging from his fingers. �What is it?�
�I have to take a trip and I need you to feed the fish.�
He frowned. �What fish?�
�Orli, I have fish. At my house. In a tank.�
He looked at my blankly.
�You know, Finding Nemo?�
�What?�
�Orlando, Billy and I have fish, four to be precise. At home in a tank. I have to go out of town for a while, and I was hoping you could feed them for me.�
�Where are you going?� He bit into the donut and jelly oozed down his chin.
�Glasgow.�
�Holy shit!� he exclaimed, wiping the jelly off with his finger. �Did Viggo tell you to go?�
I shook my head. �No, actually. Henry did.�
He frowned again. �Whatever. So when do I have to feed your dog?�
�Fish! Orlando, we have fish!�
He laughed. �I know, I�m fucking with you.�
I put a key down on his kitchen table. �Once a day. Whenever.�
He picked up the key and I watched as he slicked a coating of jelly over it. I cringed. �Ok then. Have a good time.�
�Please don�t kill them.�
Orlando rolled his eyes. �I won�t! Just go so I can go back to bed!�
I turned and left the house, climbing back into my car for the drive back to my house to pack.
I was going to Glasgow.
**
I ran up the front walk to my house and threw the door open happily. I was so excited I didn�t know where to start.
I put the fish food by the fish tank for Orlando and raced down the hallway to the bedroom.
I grabbed my suitcase from the linen closet and pushed open the door to the bedroom, ticking things off in my head.
�Hey.�
I jumped and dropped the suitcase on my toe. �Fuck!� I cried in pain and looked up.
My heart froze and I nearly fell over. �Bill?�
