Category: RPS
Author: Puddle
Pairing: Monaboyd
Rating: PG
Summary: It comes out in the newspapers.
>>>>> Complete
His eyes squinched shut and he coughed for a solid minute and a half; he spilled on the floor a bit and the woman in front of him turned around. �Are you alright, dear?� she asked when his trachea had emptied.
�Yeah, thanks.� A few more dry coughs and he made a waving hand motion. �Wrong tube.�
She blinked, smiled sweetly, nodded and turned back to the cashier.
Dom must have been seeing things; before risking another look at the tabloids, he set his latt� on a frozen pizza box in his cart and pinched the bridge of his nose.
And then he lowered his hand and looked.
~
�Here, I got one for each of us,� Dom announced, slapping two copies onto the cluttered restaurant table along with his phone and keys. �Haven�t read it yet, but it ought to be quite intriguing. I know I certainly would like to know how we became lovers and what our private issues are.�
Billy laughed heartily upon picking one up. �Where in the world did they get this photo?�
Dom sat down as well, toeing off his trainers and scooting his chair up next to Billy�s so they could read off the same copy. �Haven�t the slightest,� he admitted. �Prolly from all those times you come kiss me when you think I�m sleeping.�
Billy made a low noise��Eyap��then, �Guess I shall have to be more careful in the future, eh?�
�Yes, and next time, please brush your teeth�your breath is as bad as your bum.� Which brought about a playful scowl from Billy, but Dom merely lifted his eyebrows once and grinned. �Let�s have a looksie then, shall we?�
�It�s probably a photo-manipulation,� Billy offered quickly, looking directly at Dom.
It proved a difficult laugh to hold back, but Dom managed well enough. �I know, Billy.� � Wait. �Probably? Why only probably?�
When Billy shrugged, he looked remarkably like Pippin. �I don�t know�there are plenty of valid photos of you kissing all of us, aren�t there?�
Dom had to fight even harder against the laugh this time�he knew for a fact that he had never kissed Billy on the lips. �Billy. My tongue looks like it�s practically licking your tonsils, here.�
�So� we�re settled then. It�s not real?�
Dom simply could not help it, and when the laugh came out, Billy became helplessly confused. At this, Dom could only laugh harder.
�What?�
And harder.
�Dom, what the hell is so funny?�
He wasn�t sure exactly how to phrase his answer. �Because you�re acting like you can�t remember whether or not I�ve French kissed you� sounded good, but Dom was still too amused to form normal speech patterns. What did come out, however, was, �Bill, you�re fucking cute!�
Then that soulful shy smile popped up on Billy�s face�the faintly startled one he tended to give to excessively complimentary fans and talk show hosts. It only succeeded in making Billy even cuter. Dom�s urge to continue laughing dropped off quite suddenly, and as he toned it down gradually to silence, Billy�s smile disappeared like he didn�t know how it had escaped at all, and he focused back on the Enquirer.
This was when Dom began to fidget, particularly by tugging at a small and painless hangnail on the thumb of his left hand.
Billy cleared his throat�not awkwardly, thank god�and read. �Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd: gay hobbits hiding their love?�
Dom made kissy noises; Billy elbowed him.
They leafed to the article, which had a smaller copy of the cover photo. �Lord of the Rings actors Monaghan and Boyd,� Billy continued, �were spotted��
It was really no question why Billy trailed off. When the waitress came a few moments later, they both ordered whiskey.
She left and Dom found it necessary to say, �They think it�s �obvious� from the �provided evidence� that we�ve been �in love with each other� since we met?�
�And,� Billy added, �we �only just realized it recently�?�
Dom scratched the back of his neck, mouth still hanging open slightly, and said, �Well. You�re not really a celebrity until you make the Enquirer. We should be thankful they didn�t make something up.� He took a long sip of ice water, and near the end of it he raised his eyes to behold Billy�s patented what-the-fuck expression. And then, for the second time that day, Dom inhaled his beverage. He spit a fair amount all over the table and the article, as well, and after a spell of coughs and some pats on the back, courtesy of Billy, Dom managed, �Else. I mean.� Cough. �At least they didn�t make up something else really embarrassing.�
This did nothing to dispel the what-the-fuck face. In fact, it really only kicked the intensity of it up.
�Like, at least they didn�t show pictures of our reptilian-monkey children from the seventh moon of Saturn. Yeah?�
Billy slowly absorbed this possibility and nodded as if it could quite possibly be true. �And it�s not like anybody reads this thing, right?�
��T�s more like nobody believes it. Everyone will see the front cover. I�m sure everyone we know will call us and give us shit for it.� He blinked, coming to a sudden realization. An epiphany, even. �Bill.� Dom leaned toward Billy until his chest rested against Billy�s shoulder. �So why are you so flabbergasted? This kind of stuff floats around on the Internet all the time.�
Billy opened his mouth and inhaled, but then took a sip of water instead of speaking. When he finished with that, he sucked on his upper lip, turned to look at Dom, and said, �Flabbergasted?�
Dom grinned�he couldn�t help it�and nodded enthusiastically. �Flabbergasted. You know. Discombobulated.�
Billy raised an eyebrow.
�Twitterpated, even.�
Billy raised the other eyebrow. It wasn�t quite a what-the-fuck expression; it was more vulnerably surprised. Well, shocked, Dom supposed. This was uncharted territory, and poor Billy�he didn�t know what to do.
Good thing Dom was there to help him out. �Like I said. At least they didn�t make something up. Hey, you want to snog now or later?�
Billy didn�t answer, but Dom took that as a �now.� He swiped his hand across his mouth and stubble, then leaned forward, shut his eyes and just touched their lips together.
Except Dom pulled back without having received any reaction from Billy and all the blood in his body froze and his heart cracked like an eggshell. He kept his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, moving quickly away until�
Billy grabbed the back of Dom�s neck and ground a kiss into his lips.
After one minute (or ten, but who was counting?), they looked down at Dom�s mobile on the table in front of them. Viggo had sent a text message: saw the news. congratulations. about damn time.
