Prairiedogging: Stranger than Fiction?

By Not So Special K, Analyst Extraordinaire

   Some of you may hear about, read about, or even may in fact partake in the act of PRAIRIEDOGGING. What is it? What does it entail? Is it contagious? Can I still give blood? Doesn't that have some vague relation to Bill Murray?  In all honesty, the  answers to most of these questions are...yes. But in a more complex way, it is so much more. Not just a battle maneuver or a method of attack, it is a way of life. One that must be exterminated with extremely extreme prejudice. You're probably now reading this review and thinking to yourself, "WHAT in the name of mike is prairiedogging!?!"

   Prairiedogging (or gophering, as it is also known) is the tactic of jumping or hiding behind anything indestructable,  proceeded by the extremely brief emergence of a Mech  to fire and  then hurredly return to his hiding place from whence he came. This action is repeated multiple times until the comms come alive with the battle cheer of the prairiedogger, which usually sounds like  "Duh huh huh huh...I win...heeeee" Now, as clever as prairiedoggers might think they are, by  hiding in terror from enemy fire, they aren't impressing anybody but themselves and their 5 year old little brother. I can't tell you how many times I have jumped into a promising "No Nova, Team Attrition" battle,  only to be horrified by "Clans"  such as ARC and the hilariously named "ELITE SNIPER WARRIORS" doing nothing more but lining up and having 100 ton Mech hacks  jump from behind mountains and shoot at each other. Vietnam  in the 31st century, lovely. If you're not good enough to fight on level ground in a fair fight, then please, at least have the decency to pilot a nova-hack. That way, we can all know you're a numb nuts and will extract  your pride via your rear-most orifice.

Now you know what gophering (you can only type "prairiedogging" so many times) is, and how it is horribly unjust to the fair fighter it quickly becomes. And you're also probably wondering, "Well, K, what should I, the intelligent, considerate Mech  pilot do?" Well, fear not, there's many ways to stop those losers! First, if you're thinking about it...DON'T! Prevention is the first step. Talk a friend out, consult a guidance counselor or teacher or even a parent. Next kill them on sight, if the opportunity is available. SHOW NO MERCY! They deserve none. Third and most important. If you find yourselves in a big gopher battle, take you and your trusted wingmen and RUSH. Rush those prariedogging losers into their spawning pool, then, sit there and beat them senseless. Do this until one pulls his head out from it's "holster" and says "ah man, this sucks." and then a massive exodus will occur, redistribute teams and resume playing an enjoyable game. If all else fails, contact myself or G.C.I. Maxwell. We make it our personal mission to, despite any score or death count penalties, kill all prairiedoggers. We will do it, no matter what it takes, we will make them wish they hadn't invoked a wrath not seen since the Star League.

Comments, compliments, complaints, kudos (it rhymes  doesn't it!!) Inform me or Maxwell via E-mail, Instant message, or yes even via game comms. Sorry, no C.O.D.'s. Complaints should begin with the heading "I suffer from massive amounts of brain damage."

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