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| STALK AND MINDY! HOLLYWOOD'S ROBIN IN POPE MYSTERY |
| Pope John Paul II was yesterday so frightened he was sick when it was revealed that the identity of his mystery nuisance phone-caller was none other than beloved Mork And Mindy star Robin Williams. In an attempt to terrorize the frail church leader, Robin sent a damning letter to The Vatican gleefully admitting the phonecalls, which included the photograph to the right, in which Robin sneers at the Catholic Church. It is not known at this time what has inspired Robin to begin this campaign against the Pope. |
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| *BREAKINGNEWS*BREAKINGNEWS*BREAKINGNEWS* |
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| At first, it was assumed that the recent spate of threatening and abusive phone calls directed at The Pope were coming from jealous Anglicans. However when The Pope, real name Karol Wojtyla, received the poison pen letter from Mrs Doubtfire actor Robin, it became clear that this was more than a case of hollow threats. DISLIKE Although no action has been taken against Robin Williams as of yet, any further tirades against The Pope could see him locked up. Whilst it is still unclear what triggered Williams' passionate dislike for His Holiness, Pope John Paul II, it certainly is clear that Williams will stop at nothing to demonstrate his loathing towards the ageing Catholic. |
| Although Robin Williams has yet to contact The Pope or his colleagues since the vile letter, in a frightening turn of events he has contacted us here at the Daily Bridgend to unveil the special potion he has brewed in an attempt to poison the ancient Polish holy man. Sporting a crazed and passionate look in his eyes, he gleefully shows off his poisonous concoction in a photograph delivered to us by registered post. OVERLOOKED It appears that the once popular Williams, star of hit movies Good Will Hunting and Jack will stop at nothing to conquer the Pope. Some sources have indicated that a possible reason behind Williams' rage could be related to his Polish ancestry or possibly even being overlooked as a potential Pope himself when he offered his services soon after making a name for himself in Good Morning Vietnam back in the 1980s. |
| ROBIN: Sneers at Pope |
| POPE: Terrified |
| WILLIAMS: Wants to poison The Pope |
| WILLIAMS: Arrested |
| POPE: Protection |
| We have just received early reports that Robin Williams has been arrested whilst trying to break into the Vatican. He was nabbed in the pathetic disguise to the left. When questioned, the frantic star simply mumbled "The Pope must die, it's as simple as that.There's no two ways about it." He has since been sectioned and will be mentally evaluated within the next 24hrs. Meanwhile, a petrified Pope has bought himself a hockey stick to ward off potential attackers should he be the victim of any more hate campaigns or break ins. Speaking from Italy, the Pope said "Tecum, benedictus, dominus maximus." Wise words indeed. |
| GOOD MORNING VIET-NABBED! |