JeremySpake

TV'S "AIRPORT" STAR IN BLASPHEMY CONTROVERSY
JEREMY SPAKE RAPPED FOR OUTBURST

CAMP television presenter Jeremy Spake, who found fleeting fame as the breakout star of BBC1's docusoap Airport, has angered church groups and Christians worldwide by majestically proclaiming himself as "bigger than God!". He made the outburst whilst attending a Star Trek convention in Arizona whilst on the American leg of his World Tour. After riling up fans by charging $30 per autograph, he demanded a large portion of sticky toffee pudding. Unfortunately, there were no catering facilities at the convention, and Spake went into a blind rage, during which he made the controversial claim that he was a bigger name than the Creator and Father of the World.

SPAKE: Homosexual?

Church leaders have reacted with anger to the outburst. New Archbishop of Canterbury and gay rights activist Dr. Rowan Williams was said to be fuming as he puffed on a cigarette after hearing the news. The Brian Blessed lookalike said "I don't know who this Jeremy Spake character thinks he is, but until "Jeremy Spake's Toughest Job In Britain" sells as many copies as The Bible, I don't think he has any right making such a claim. He is ridiculous, and I don't care much for him at all". The Pope simply said "Tecum, benedictus, dominus maximus". Wise words indeed. When asked whether he thought Spake was gay, the Pope said "Yes".

In the time since the outburst, Jeremy Spake has contacted an incurable disease. A fitting punishment, some may say, to such blatant arrogance. However, we at The Daily Bridgend feel that there is a lesson to be learned from Jeremy Spake's impending death. Respect God, man.

ARCHBISHOP: Fuming