CUTLERY was at the cause of the deaths of three young men in Birmingham, a court has heard. Whilst dining at a local greasy spoon cafe late last year, the three men are said to have, at some juncture, removed their teaspoons from their cups of tea and began pressing the piping hot apparatus onto the back of each others' hands, causing disruptive squeals of pain. A large fight then erupted, and the fracas had to be resolved by a passing-by monk. The monk was maimed in the fray.
ORDEAL
All three men, said to be stockbrokers, were rushed to hospital where they were later assumed dead. In the aftermath of this incident, the stressed owner of the cafe has died, with his family citing the pressure of the ordeal led to his fatal heart attack. 'Rowntree's Cafe' owner, 46stone Nigel Rowntree, "collapsed clutching his chest" just days after the incident. He was later found in the kitchen by his brother Stuart in a pool of his own fat. There won't be a full inquest into the incident.
OFFICIAL VERDICT: Blame the government. |
