| Why vote Newton Li you ask? The slogan �Li for Me 2K4� doesn�t sound arousing enough? The rival candidate (*shudder) has a grip on your senses with his slippery tongue?
In today�s chaotic political climate, the Boba Party is a shell of its former glory. Gone are the days when we were a young organization of promise, when we campaigned for such things as watermelon green tea tapioca, and subversive, dangerous threats to our welfare such as Collins and Kim were nowhere to be found. We have grown greedy with power, corrupt with desire, and apathetic to our formerly beloved constituents. Now we are in a sea of graft and filth. But there is one candidate that is out to make changes to the system. One candidate who lets his record speak for himself. One man who would rather choose helping an old lady walk across the street than getting a burrito at Chipotle. And that man, is Newton Li. This candidate was born in a small, humble ramshackle house hidden in the ghettos of Alief, Texas, the youngest of three brothers. Tragedy hit quickly in his tender youth when his house was flooded and all the carpet was removed. Giant mammoth Texan cockroaches nested under his fridge. At school, he was ridiculed by his peers for wearing his brother speedo-length running shorts everyday and wearing underwear a size too big. His father drove around in an �81 rusty red Chevy Chevette (which he pronounced Sherwet). Li has never forgotten his humble beginnings. He has always been a man of the people. In the highlight of his high school career, Li did a mesmerizing dance (including lifts) with a fat Chinese girl while singing �Wo Ming Ming Bai Bai� by Jackie Chan at the high school multicultural show. That�s as human as one can get, my friends. At Northwestern, he has shown his dedication and loyalty as a friend when he stripped down for Li-Chung�s Mr. PanAsia dance and pretending to saw Jerry Ong in half during Missy Elliot's �Work It�. It�s just another example highlighting some of his most important principles�integrity, courage, and humor, which has always been central to his character. His campaign is a platform of promise, love, and hope. He is out to give everyone their own country the size of Guam if he is elected. He will set to work patching up the ozone with some masking tape. He will replace the evil conglomerate Sodexho with lobster buffets. [LINE HAS BEEN WITHDRAWN BY LI CAMPAIGN] But for now, he cannot do it alone. He needs your help. When you vote, you can either think of Andy Kim dressed in a top hat and tuxedo burning your taxpayer�s money, or you can think of Newton Li, the scrawny, small boy being forced to wear short shorts and big underwear to school everyday, who is now grown up and ready to make a difference. You decide. Stanley Wong, Campaign Manager for Newton Li Paid for by Li-4-Me 2K4 |
| Li-4-Me 2K4 |
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