| (1/5) 2003 Winter Season Set to Kick Off Monday, Stairs Smell Nice and Toxic-y |
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| EVANSTON, Ill. (AP)__ Welcome back, folks - vacation is over and it's time for more academic sports. With the 2003 Winter season set to start, most teams hold official practices and scrimmages tomorrow beginning at 8 AM. "My team doesn't even have any equipment for tomorrow's practice," Team Sam coach Sam Hong said. "It doesn't really matter because my team will be asleep against Team Economics." Other coaches are finding it hard to comprehend the fact that practices are starting so soon. "I don't even know what time and where the practices are supposed to be held," Team Tsai coach Eugene Tsai said. "That moron Caesar won't tell me because I forgot the secret password." "I doubt I'm going to buy the rulebooks for the various sports we have to play this season," Team Drews coach Charles Drews said. "I never look at them anyway." Meanwhile, residents of the the Hinman Sports Complex got a pleasant surprise as they returned on Sunday. The bathrooms and stairwells have all been painted, leaving behind a clean, slip-n-slide, toxic atmosphere for all to enjoy. "We're goign to enjoy the fumes for now," Team Cozza coach Matt Cozza said. "And worry about the health consequences later." |
| Team Sam Head Coach Sam Hong slides down the stairs Sunday night to kick off the 2003 Winter Season. How this moronic act has anything to do with the start of the season has not yet been determined. COURTESY MATT COZZA |