(12/12) Coach Sedrowski Used Performance Enhancers, Team Returning to Northwestern Adam Robert Sedrowski Birthplace: Traverse City, Mich. Date of Birth: Oct. 23, 1983 Marital Status: DIvorced Children: Napoleon (3), Jiggly Puff (2), Scary Potter (3 months) Sexuality: Varies Turn-Ons: Removing his cuticles, shaving his back, Sam Hong Turn-Offs: The Female Happy Trail, the absence of Sam Hong ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP)_ A recent undercover probe(no pun intended) into the activities of University of Michigan-based Team Seedro has discovered that Coach Sedrowski has been supplying his team with performance enhancing drugs for the last 4 months. "It's not true, I say," Team Seedro captain Brain Boitano said. "We are being unfairly accused simply because of the ambiguous nature of the team's sexuality. Oh, I guess it's not so ambiguous after all, but still." Coach Sedrowski refused to comment on these illegal practices but did say that he is "disgusted" at the allegations and plans to relocate his team to Evanston, Ill. Coach Seedro also added that he planned to beat any legal proceedings brought against them, or play Marble Madness to forget his problems. Sedrowski was based in Evanston last year before departing for Ann Arbor amidst allegations of several alleged intimate relationships with other Northwestern team coaches, who still remain anonymous. Local teams are bracing for the return of the traditionally-homosexual team. "We're hoping he considered my advice to lose the homosexual label," a Team Sam player representative said. "No scratch that... I don't hope that." |
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