| Daily 1835 presents.... ADVICE CORNER ASK Mr. Flyguy! |
| (2/28) Dear Flyguy, I have trouble controlling my desires to pee/releese waste. At the most random times and places, I have the need to drop my draws and let it rip. (And I mean the licquid form). How do I remedy dis situation without losing my girlfriend who has alredy begun suspecting problems when i constantely put a paeper bag over head and nosplugs on her nose every 20 meinutes. Sincerely, Running out of toilet paper Dear Running, Sounds like you have an even bigger problem then premature waste-releasing. And it's called bad spelling, or maybe poor typing. Maybe you should consult Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, or the dictionary. Whatever you do, don't ask my boss, Sam Hong, how to help you. He is quite possibly the worst typer ever, and I always think he's drunk. And can you understand a damn thing he ever says? It's damn near impossible. If you see him, tell him not to mumble. Hope that helps! Flyguy |
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| (3/1) Dear Flyguy, i like mr. flyguy! cause of how he makes fun of his boss, mr. hong, and says he mumbles all the time. i forgot how mr. hong talks in real life because i haven't talked to him in a long time, but thanks for the reminder, mr. flyguy. that made me laugh out loud. Sincerely, Someone who hasn't talked to Sam in a while Dear Someone, I like the way you don't capitalize! But seriously, I'm glad you like the way I make fun of my boss. I'll let you in on a secret, though - I think the reason why Sam mumbles so much is because he is infatuated with the Micro Machines guy of the early '90's commercials. Remember him? The dude who talked really really fast and you had no idea what he was saying but it was still cool and you wanted to be just like him, but without the mustache? Well that was what Sam wanted to be. He told me he cried when the Micro Machines guy died, and even though I knew he was still alive I didn't bother telling him because I like to see him cry - not that he never does, because he cries a lot. Anyways, I better cut this letter off here before I get fired. Until next time! Flyguy |
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| (3/5) Dear Flyguy, Not only does Sam mumble a lot, but he is also very annoying and rude. My question is why is Sam so annoying and why do you like him?? Sincerely, Girl in Love with Sam Dear Girl, I never said I liked the guy, he just signs my checks. And I need those checks. You know...to take my girlfriend(s) out, pay my bills, buy some 40's, and to occasionaly bail Jason Arican out of jail (God bless his soul). Anyway, in response to your question of why he is annoying, you'd have to ask his mother - someone who is made fun of a whole lot. I mean, let me tell you how upset my boss gets when people make fun of his mom. I remember yesterday he told me, "I don't know why people make fun of Julie, I mean, I never even mention anyone else's mom." So in response to your question, just ignore him. He's not so annoying when he hands you money, but other than that, I'd like to tear him a new face. Write again soon! Flyguy |
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| (3/5)Hola Mr. Flyguy sir, I need some help. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Important meeting with Mr. Snuffulupagus impending. Sincerely, I love PBS P.S. You really are a hottie, Mr. F. (totally unlike that Hong kid) Dear I love, First of all, you've got to set your priorities straight. Why would you meet with that hairy, maroon-colored pansy when you can hook up with cookie monster or even the Count. Are you nuts? Anyways, I could tell you how to get there, but then you'd probably waste your time with snuffy (I don't even think you spelled his damn name correctly) -- so... I don't want to. And come on man, I know I'm hot but don't compare me to my boss. It's like trying to compare a sack of gold to a sack of dog doo-doo. Besides, he's only ugly from certain angles. See you next time! Flyguy |
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| (3/8) Yo Flyguy, I have noticed three things about this "advice corner" you have. And so I have three questions for you to answer. 1. Everyone seems to make fun of Sam and almost everything about him. Why does everyone hate him so much? 2. You resemble some sort of abercrombie model. Is that really you? 3. I send "Sam is gay" mail to you all the time yet you never publish it. Now who's doing is that? I feel that my first amendment rights are being violated. I thought anyone who sent something gets published. Sincerely, Your mom Dear your mom, Wow, this is a tough one. In response to number one, Sam is pretty annoying. Simple as that. For number two, yes that is really me, except I usually don't have pants on. And for three, Sam picks and chooses what e-mails I respond to, so that's probably why I never get them. But keep sending them, OK? Flyguy |
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| (3/7) Hey Gayguy...I mean, Flyguy. Why do you waste your time answering such lame and worthless questions? Is it because you yourself are lame and worthless? I think that's the answer. Tell me if I'm wrong. Sincerely, Lover of Sam Hong, and NOT a lover of you Dear Lover of Sam, I'm sorry you think that I am lame. The truth of the matter is I live with my mom in a one bedroom apartment in the south side of Chicago. So I guess you could call me lame. But you know who's more lame? This kid named Dave Gample I know. All he does is read gay western novels and watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." He also thinks that he's some Mexican desperado, eating all this Mexican food and speaking Spanish with this very very questionable lisp. Did I also mention he goes by his middle name. Who does that? Seriously now. Hope that helps! Flyguy |
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| (3/11) Dear Flyguy, I recently met this girl over Socom US Navy Seals for PS2. She knew me from some previous games, so we talked with a couple other people that I know from the game. Eventually, she asked for my IM name from one of the guys that was hanging out with us and she of course IMed me last night. We talked for way too long than I'm proud to say, but now she's talking to me about how I would be better for her then her boyfriend and she wants to "see" me. I'm concerned. I've always prided myself on not being that pathetic where I attempt to turn online gaming into a dating service, but she's a cool girl and I can't avoid it forever. Plus, she's playing an online video game, I've yet to meet a girl that is not over 200 lbs that plays those games. So.... what should I do????? Sincerely, SOCOMfused Dear SOCOMfused, Wow. You're actually asking me for advice..this is amazing. I'm only trained to make witty responses to Sam hate mail, and so this is new to me... but here goes. The first thought that went through my head when I read this (besides my hate for Sam) is how lucky you are. Are you nuts, man?! You have to take advantage of this while you have the chance! How many chicks do you meet while playing an online video game??? Really, SOCOMfused, this is like trying to find a straight male in 1835 Hinman, Room 204 - it just never happens. Are you gonna spend all your life talking" sweet talk" with friends from back home whose initials may or may not be M.P.C.? Live a little, man. OK, so go get 'em tiger! Flyguy |
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