MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Tale of Master's Branded Moo Cow

In the spring of 1999, the Chicago Scene was running full blast and all sorts of funny things were happening, at least funny to those of us not doing them.

Well, one Monday evening we were in our chatroom, which we did in those ancient days, and someone came in and announced that she and another sub were going to be branded that weekend.  And of course the jokes about cattle drives, the Rawhide Song and my cattle prod started immediately.  It was simply too funny, the way she announced it as though it somehow would matter to the rest of us!

Well, a branding is not something one would miss!  After all, the sight of the sub roped and hogtied and the brander standing over her with the big, ranch branding iron, right out of Bonanza, was something we all were waiting to see.

The only problem is that it did not work out that way.

First, she was not hogtied.  In fact neither she nor the other sub were restrained at all!   Talk about disappointment.

Second, the branding iron was small, barely visible and instead of one good strike, with the iron held and skin burning and the sub screaming her lungs out, there were a series of small strikes and instead of screams...mooing noises.

Yes, mooing.  It literally sounded like a cow.  And the fact that she sort of looked like one (and had the brains to match) did not help much.

It was all too anticlimactic for words.  I was standing next to our sub with my hand clasped firmly over her mouth to keep her from laughing out loud while trying very hard to suppress the giggles myself.

And the sub afterwards insisted on signing her name "Master's Branded Slave."  Of course we all immediately were writing each other referring to her as "Master's Branded COW!"  

It is indeed a pity that no one thought to bring the music from Rawhide.  It really would have been appropriate.