THINKING ABOUT ETHICS
Okay, I’ll admit it. There is something about ethics, the very word, that makes me want to hit people in the face with a pie. It is one of those “no words,” words used to control people when brute force is not possible. My usual response to the concept is to growl, “Ethics are for weenies.” And to make matters worse, the people who use the term often have no idea of what the word actually means. They use it to mean manners, morals and all sorts of other stuff but that is not what ethics are about.
Now, this is a subject that volumes and volumes have been written on so forgive me for just doing a short article. But first a definition:
Ethics are the guiding principles that a person has in dealing with others and themselves. And, like it or not (and I don’t!) everyone, even me, has them.
This is most annoying at times because I like to think of myself as being cheerfully amoral and, fortunately for my conscience, in most cases I am. But even I have a few things that I will do and will not do. For example, I won’t turn my back on a friend, no matter what he does, even if he were to out the whole bdsm community, in which case I certainly would not turn my back on him. Murder him, maybe, but not turn my back on him. That is an example of an ethical principle as it relates to dealing directly with another individual.
Another example. I will never apologize for anything I have ever written except for an error of fact, but never because of an idea, no matter how unpopular. I lay my cards on the table and if people don’t like it I know a big lake they can dive into. That is an example of a principle as it applies to one’s self image and self worth.
The problem is that folks who talk about ethics do not understand these things. They do not understand that ethics are a highly personal matter and vary from person to person. Hence, I will have no trouble doing things that others find highly unethical, immoral, illegal and probably even fattening. Why? Because part of my ethical system is a requirement to not be bound by other people’s ethics. To be so controlled would violate my principle of individual ethical autonomy.
Ok, got that. So much my personal views at they relate to myself. Let us look at a couple of common complaints among BDSM folk which they claim to have an ethical dimension for.
Gossip! To listen to our fellows complain about gossip you would think they had just come out of a Baptist Sunday school! The wacko Xtian preachers have been complaining about gossip since before St. John Chrysostum (which translates, literally, as St. John the Golden Tongued, which would have actually meant St. John the Blabbermouth, or St. John the Liar) invented anti-Semitism. The reason they give is that gossip somehow damages the person being talked about by sullying his or her reputation. Well, welcome to the real world folks. Reputation isn’t very important any more. In fact a very bad reputation can be a real benefit. It is called notoriety and a very good thing because it makes you interesting. People may hate you, but they can’t ignore you and the more some people dislike you, the more people will like you for the very reasons the others don’t. Bad people are cool people. It is far better to be talked about than to never be mentioned, or, as I once said to a neighbor, “If you aren’t being gossiped about you might as well be dead.”
So gossip all you want. You are actually doing the person a favor. Besides, it’s fun and no one refrains from doing something that is fun merely because someone else doesn’t approve.
Cliquishness. Now the objections to that send me up the wall and over the roof. The first rule when putting together a commentary on ethics is “Say nothing that conflicts with basic human nature because if you do you are wasting your time.” People will always have other people that they like to be around and people that they don’t like to be around. That is part of being human. It makes as much sense to object to cliques as it does to object to winter. It happens whether you like it or not and you are never going to change it. A rational individual understands this and deals with the reality of the situation, usually by forming his own.
Ok, now you have a few basic ideas to get you started. So when you run into commentaries or programs on scene ethics or non-ethics, do not just sit and agree without thinking. Look at what is being said and decide if you agree or not based on your own world view, how you view yourself, your real life experiences and the reality of the human condition because if there is one thing that is to be condemned it is letting other people do your thinking for you.