O ld T op T en
TOP TEN SONGS TO LISTEN TO WHILE PLAYING MAGIC

10. CLOCKS - COLDPLAY
A rhythmically fantastic piece, best heard mid game when small mistakes can kill.
9. PAPERCUT - LINKIN PARK
Edgy and dark, best at the late game when you�re setting up the kill.
8. HOKUS POKUS - ICP
Upbeat and rowdy, a between game song after a win. The perfect victory dance.
7. BEHIND BLUE EYES - LIMP BIZKIT
Hauntingly beautiful, I enjoy this one after a loss. It just seems fitting.
6. IT�S GOING DOWN - XECUTIONERS
Calculated and upbeat, good first song of the evening, gets you pumped up.
5. WISH YOU WERE HERE - INCUBUS
A Kuchta�s Basement classic good at any point in the evening.
4. MOONDANCE - VAN MORRISON
Another great victory dance with the versatility to be a mid game song.
3. RIGHT NOW - KORN
The ultimate pump you up song. I can�t count how many times I listened to this on the way to cards night.
2. WORK IT - MISSY ELLIOT
"Take my thong off and my tail go WHOMP!" Another KB classic.
1. MAGIC STICK - LIL� KIM
The definitive Magic playing song. Originated on the trip down to the Scourge pre-release. The title says it all. MAGIC stick.

TOP 10 THINGS HEARD AT CARD NIGHT

10. THE SUN RISES, THESUN SETS, AND DEREK HAS MORE THAN 7 CARDS IN HIS HAND.
9. "YOU BRING CHANGE!"
8. FEAR LEADS TO ANGER, ANGER LEADS TO HASTE, HASTE LEADS TO SUFFERING.
7. HOW IS YOUR TURN SEQUENCE PROCEEDING?
6. HEY RYAN, WHO IS THIS?
5. *SINGING* WHAT ABOUT THAT 1/1 THAT I PUT INTO PLAY?
4. "BEN SMASH!"
3. I HAVE A GIANT COCK...........ROACH.
2. I'M DEBATING. WOULD YOU SAY IT'S A MASS DEBATE?
1. WHO'S TURN IS IT, RIGHT NOW?

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART>
SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION
Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward. Have yourself lashed to bar.
Mouth contains cigarette butts. You have fallen forward. See above.
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor blurred. You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer.
Floor moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Room seems unusually dark. Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth.
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Beer is crystal-clear. It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him.
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight. Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer.
Your singing sounds distorted. The beer is too weak. Have more beer until your voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar
TOP TEN PEOPLE TO LOOK FOR AT A PRE-RELEASE
10. POWER (AKA Suitcase) - Handcuffs? You may just want to steer clear "Wanna see my power?"
9. COWBOY HAT - Geoff's personal favorite - who else passes a Godless Shrine, Niv Mizzet, and Sword of the Paruns??
8. CHICKS - OK, so they're either hugely Goth or huge nerds, but hey, they're chicks.
7. DICE ROLLING DEALERS - So you're saying there's a chance. No, but here's a crap rare for your time. NEXT!!!
6. GUYS WHO CONSTANTLY FLIP THROUGH THIER CARDS LIKE PRO-TOUR WANNABE'S - I hope it's worth the NOISE!
5. FUZZY SWEATER - Although faded and odiferous, a P-R standard.
4. EXTREMELY FAST-TALKING KID WITH GREASY HAIR WHO WANTS TO MAKE ALL KINDS OF STRANGE TRADES FOR CARDS THAT HE ONLY WANTS BECAUSE THE MAIN COLOR OF THE ARTWORK IS PINK - 'nuff said
3. ANYONE WITH FOOD - You've been there. You know.
2. CRABBY GUY - He may be rude, he may be obnoxious, but he does cut some sweet deals (when he's upset).
1. MEMBERS OF TEAM KB - Look for the hat!!
GEOFF'S TOP TEN FLAVOR TEXT IN COLDSNAP
10. Out of sight, into mind.(Vanish into Memory)
9. Rimerunners set off avalanches to immobilize foes as well as to create more challenging slopes.(Goblin Rimerunner)
8. "It�s odd to see the apes rip down trees to arm themselves in defense of their forests."-Taaveti of Kelsinko, elvish hunter(Simian Brawler)
7. When a snowdrift shows you its eyes, it�s already too late.(Ohran Yeti)
6. "Step lightly and we might be able to use it as a bridge."-Ib Halfheart, goblin tactician(Panglacial Wurm)
5. "Arcum is a babbling fool! Phyrexian technology is our greatest blessing. Take this delightful trinket for instance . . ."-Heidar, Rimewind master(Mishra�s Bauble)
4. "Concentration is key. Without it, a mage conjures nothing but a splitting headache."-Zur the Enchanter(Rune Snag)
3. "I listen to people. He sniffs the wind. And we both sense something big coming. Something very big."(Kjeldoran Outrider)
2. "Guard, fetch me a mallet."-Heidar, Rimewind master(Frozen Solid)
1. Clambering up and over the powdery slope, the goblin chanced upon a small furry thing. There they regarded each other: the goblin and his new pair of earmuffs.(Goblin Furrier)
TOP TEN BAD JOKES
10. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
9. I went to the butcher's the other day and bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
8. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
7. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
6. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
3. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
2. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
1. A man is walking past an insane asylum, which has a wooden plank fence all the way around it to keep the crazy people inside. While walking, he hears the crazy people chanting, "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen..." He wonders what they are all doing. He sees a knot-hole in the wooden wall and decides to peer inside to see what's going on. The moment he puts his eye up to the hole - BAM, somebody pokes him in the eye. Then he hears "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
GEOFF'S TOP TEN FUTURE SIGHT QUOTES
10. "Mushroom Queen sits among her spores, Enjoying life and avoiding chores."�Ibblian pixie ditty (Phosphorescent Feast)
9. "There is no tactic I enjoy more than ambushing the ambushers." (Scout's Warning)
8. Her blades slashed across the noble's shadow. He scoffed, then fell over dead. (Cutthroat il-Dal)
7. The Arturan conjurers took the strange, alien fossil and patterned their own twisted creations in its image. (Frenzy Sliver)
6. "Take care what you offer the ignus. Food, perhaps. Coins. But nothing flammable!"�Stovic, village eccentric (Grinning Ignus)
5. Wind time's watch, and watch time unwind. (Foresee)
4. "Hrrngh! Someday I'm going to hurl this . . . er . . . roll this . . . hrrngh . . . nudge this boulder right down a cliff." (Bloodshot Trainee)
3. "I have seen the future. It does not include you." (Aven Augur)
2. "Whip the Xs ! Pinch the Os! What we're building, no one knows!" (Steamflogger Boss)
1. "No rest. No mercy. No matter what."�Memorial inscription (Akroma's Memorial)
Top Ten Goblin Quotes from Tenth Edition
10. "Hup, two, three, four, Dunno how to count no more." (Coat of Arms)
9. Once he�d worked out which end of the thing was sharp, he was promoted to guard duty. (Goblin Piker)
8. To be king, Numsgil did in Blog, who did in Unkful, who did in Viddle, who did in Loll, who did in Alrok. . . . (Goblin King)
7. The goblin word for "flying" is more accurately translated as "falling slowly." (Goblin Sky Raider)
6. "Some goblins are expendable. Some are impossible to get rid of. But he�s both�at the same time!"�Starke (Squee, Goblin Nabob)
5. Goblins� motivational techniques are crude, but effective. (Threaten)
4. He raged at the world, at his family, at his life. But mostly he just raged. (Raging Goblin)
3. "Boss told us to try and train �em. Trained it to attack�it ate Flugg. Trained it to run fast�it got away. Success!"�Dlig, goblin spelunker (Duct Crawler)

2. "Now listen closely, my young gob. There are many ways to eat pimple bugs, but I say the best way is all smashed together between two slug chips." (Goblin Lore)
1. "I got it! I got it! I�" (Mogg Fanatic)

Top Ten Goblin Quotes from Lorwyn
10. Auntie always knows which berries to lick, which kithkin to trick, and what to do when either goes wrong. (Wort, Boggart Auntie)
9. Kith goats are just for practice. The real prize, of course, is a giant's cloudgoat. (Goatnapper)
8. One part cunning, one part wise, and many, many parts demented. (Mad Auntie)
7. "Auntie Grub had caught a goat, a bleating doe that still squirmed in her arms. At the same time, her warren decided to share with her a sensory greeting of hot tar . . . ."�A tale of Auntie Grub (Tar Pitcher)
6. "After Auntie brushed the soot from her eyes, she discovered something wonderful: the fire had turned the goat into something that smelled delicious."�A tale of Auntie Grub (Tarfire)
5. Boggarts get so excited when they find something new to smash that they really don't notice who gets underfoot. (Facevaulter)
4. Leave it to a boggart to come up with a projectile as disgusting as it is deadly. (Fodder Launch)
3. "Auntie pointed out to the faerie how much mischief a flying boggart could wreak, and a beautiful new friendship was born."�A tale of Auntie GrubBoggart Sprite-Chaser)
2. The oil sloshes against his skull as he nears his destination: the Frogtosser Games and the lighting of the Flaming Boggart. (Mudbutton Torchrunner)
1. "As far as I can tell, that frog dangling from the stick serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever."�Gaddock Teeg (Caterwauling Boggart)
Top Ten Morningtide Quotes
10. "Should you take it in mind to ride a springjack, remember: there are easier ways to fly, and harder ways to break your skull."�Lann of Cloverdell(Order of the Golden Cricket)
9. You may as well try to swat a faerie�Flamekin expression meaning "that�s impossible"(Fencer Clique)
8. "When Byoog reached down to pull up a bit of root for the stew, he didn�t expect the root to pull back."�A tale of Auntie Wort(Weed-Pruner Poplar)
7. "Many believe it to be the manifestation of all that is vile about the boggarts. I believe it should be avoided�from upwind, if possible."�Cenn Deagan(Stenchskipper)
6. "Odum and Broadbark were the only beings mighty enough to challenge the giant Moran the Destroyer. Their battle lasted a hundred dawns, until Moran became so exhausted that he fell into namesleep. He awoke as Moran the Gardener."�The Tale of Odum and Broadbark(Indomitable Ancients)
5. "Aren�t there boggarts enough in Lorwyn? Couldn�t it turn into a sheep? Or a sunflower?"�Olly of Goldmeadow(War-Spike Changeling)
4. Gryffid scowled at the sky. A perfect day for the hunt tainted by clouds. He wished them gone. High above, the clouds looked down, scowled, and made a wish of their own.(Disperse)
3. "And that�s when it was discovered that boggarts have just half a brain."�The Book of Other Folk(Warren Weirding)
2. �Ever seen a changeling fly into a lantern?��Calydd, kithkin farmer(Mothdust Changeling)
1. More, more, more!(Sensation Gorger)
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