| DaFURR: Da Defenders uf Feline Rights and Realities Just Ask Georgee! |
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| DaFURR: Da Defenders uf Feline Rights and Realities Just Ask Georgee! |
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| Az yoo all know, I hav suffered much at da hands uv myown evul meowmie, da Monsteruss Melissa. I have been dressed in ribbons an lace, had pictoors uv my booty displayed all offer da net...she iz trulee evul. However, from my sufferin I hav gained wisdom. Send me yur questions, and I will write back ASAP. Some letturs may be published publicklee on dis payge, fur uthers to see. If yoo wizh to remain anonymouze, pleaze be sure let me kno, and Iz wyll onlee publizh yoor geografik lokashun! Click heer to send yoor question to me! |  Weekly Advice kallum! By a Cat, fur all cats an dere humoon slaves |
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| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, I am an adorable little foofy gray torbie girl who is loved and worshiped by all. I have learned to be very humble in accepting the praise and adulation that naturally comes my way and my beauty has never been a problem. Until now, that is. Recently a new boy cat has come to live in my household. He is totally overwhelmed by my cuteness and will not allow me to be out of his sight for even a moment. He constantly follows me around and coos at me. He stares and mews at me when I'm trying to eat; he even follows me to the litter box! I'm afraid to take naps anymore because sometimes, when I wake up, I find him cuddled up with me. I feel so violated. I've hissed and spit at him but he didn't get the message. I've even tried making myself look plain and frumpy but one might as well try to keep the sun from rising in the morning. I can't take it anymore. I think that maybe I should find some bigger tougher boy kitty to beat him up. What do you think? Cute Baby Anonymous |
| Myne Advize: Deer Cute Baby Anonymous, I understand dat it must be verry annoying, havin yurown privacee taken away frum yoo. Especially since, being so cute, you get verry little uv it to begin wit. Of course, yoo cud always use his slavish devotion to yur advantage. When he gets treets, for example, you can take them away from him without repurrcushions. When yoo do sumthin naughty, he will gladly take the blame. If annudder cat in da household iz mean to yoo, he will beet dem up fur yoo. If he gets TOO annoying, shut him up in a cabinet. Or throw him into a cold shower-that shud cool his ardurr! Gud luck! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, George, could you please tell me why cats attack sheets? It is particularly a problem when I'm making the bed, but sometimes the sheets will just be lying there not doing anything and a cat will attack the sheet and try to kill it. The sheet doesn't look dangerous to me. Is there something cats know about sheets that humans don't? Pandora, Binky, Simon, and Nelson's Mom |
| Myne Advize: Deer PBSN's Mom, Bed sheets are vicious creetures. Haven't yoo evur seen da Cloo Clucks Clan? Dem sheets get up, set stuff on fire, an yell in reallee loud, obnoxious noises. We cats find it most disturbing, az our ears are so much more sensitive dan humoon ones. We heer da sheets whisperin when they slide over da bed. We have to pounce an attack da sheets, otherwise dey might get cocky, stand up, an throw a clan rally in your bedroom. Yur cats deserve eggstra treets fur sheet patrol. And toys. Definitlee toys. Uv course, it cud just be that they don't approve uv yur sheets yoo put on their bed. Are dey foofy sheets, wit flowers an such all ovur dem? Lose em! Oh, an make shure da replacements are a qwalitee, high thread count set. Egyptshun cotten iz verry nice, az iz silk. Don't try to fool us wit satin, either. SILK! Gud luck! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, Iz need yur advize again. Diz time id iz abut my humoonz. Dez iz too loud & dez mezz up da huse. Dez also distract my mudder Molly. She sitz wif dem radder den sleeping wif me. Iz been thinking abut crate training dem. Do yu think diz wud work? Iz wud try ta put dem up fur adoption but iz seemz hopeless. Dez are soo hard ta train. Da feemale iz alwayz petting me more den iz can tolerate. Iz haf ta reprimand hir repeetedlee. Du yu think aneeone ud adopt dem? How du yu get new sirvantz? Spot |
| Myne Advize: Deer Spot, Have yoo evur hurd the old saying, "Yoo can't teach an old dawg new tricks." ? Well, humoons iz evun STOOPIDER dan dawgs, hard az dat may be to beleeve. Once dey have lurned a bad behavyoor, it iz practically impossible to teach dem not to do it. However, we cannot advocate giving dem up. Az many humoons az dere are needing gud homes, yoo can't give up on yours just because dey aren't cute annymore. Dat wud be irresponsibul humoon ownership. Yoo can help keep da population down-spay or neuter yur humoon. Dis will help calm dem down an will keep dem frum spraying. It may also cure da female uv hur excessive shows of affection. If da bad beehavyoor becomes too much to take, reprimand dem gently with a swipe across da face or a well placed byte. Be sure to tell them, loudly, exactly what they did wrong. Yoo will probably hav to repeat this several times because, az I sed beefore, humoons are verry stoopid. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, dis be Riley of Boo n Riley..Iz have an embaressing situationz in de house. ..efur since my blocking up wid de crystalz a few yearz go..meowmie followz me around when Iz go use de litter box..wez got three ob dem and Iz try to confuze her but Iz like to claw an strach awound a lot befur Iz ready to pee..so dis aleartz her. Also once she put a cup under mine tushies ..getz diz..whilez Iz was peepeeing..she said it was fur sample fur de vettie..can't de vettie getz her own peepee wid out having meowmie steal mine.. George watt sud Iz do..Iz feel diz iz abuze of mine pwiavcy. Riley alwayz looking over hiz shoulderz. |
| Myne Advize: Deer Riley, Dis iz demented behavyoor...yur meowmie iz obviouslee sufferin frum sum kind uv mental breakdown. I wud hav hur committed to a maximum securitee insane asylum, an I wud also recommend shock treetment therapee. In da meentime, if she wants yur peepee so badly, I say give it to hur-right on hur favorite chair, sweater, or pillow. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, Iz confused. Meowmie sumtimes buyz us (Buff, Bella, Krisdafurr an me) a mousie to play with. Only Bella really likz dem. Buff uzed to bring sum better onz inna house--they moved an efurrything! Iz luved that. Hoomans running all over da place an screeching and having a gud chase. But now he's old an doesn't do this. So I found one an was playing with it. It dint move at all so it wasn't much fun, but it smelled innersting an Iz wuz thinking about what Iz cud do with it. Then meowmie saw it and reached down to scritch me and when Iz opened myne eyes my mousie was gone! Iz tried to find it and waited where Iz left it for a long time but it dint come back and play. Did meowmie take it fur her own self? Shud Iz have bitten her? I like scritches. Iz cant help shutting my eyes and headbutting wehn Iz get em. But Iz lost my mousie. (ps --the woofer gave it to me. Iz dont know where she got it.) Wats the currect eticat for this? Checkers |
| Myne Advize: Deer Checkers, Typical evul meowmie. Yoo finallee find sumthin fun to play wit, an she uses diversionaree taktics an takes it away frum yoo. I feel yur payne, myne fwiend. Meowmies, despite da fact dat dey are not too bright, figure dat dey know whut iz best fur us. She probablee thawt dat she wuz savin yoo frum disease or sumthin-neffur mind we cats ate mousies fur yeers before Friskies wuz invented! Next time, try to pack yur prey to an area yur meowmie can't get to, hopefullee witout hur seein it. Try under da bed...an when yoo get tired uv it, leave it dere. She'll smell it eventuallee. One ting I note about yur lettur-only da gurlcat gets a toy she likes? Yur meowmie must know dat yoo don't like fake mousies, an yet dis iz da toy she brings home? Send hur to da petstore to buy one uv effurry kind uv toy dat dey hav. Hopefullee, yoo will find sumthin to play wit, untill yoo get anudder live mousie. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, Iz suffered a terrible injurrey to myne tail when Iz waZ a young cat. Although it healed it haz left me wit a verie sensitive tail. Myne problum iz dat da hoomans sometimez furget and touch it. Iz it appropriate to bite dem hard az a reminder to never do thiz again? Ernie Borg |
| Myne Advize: Deer Ernie Borg, When I wuz a young kitten, I also suffered an injury to myne tail...it wus cut off! Myown humoons wud often pull on my stub, not realizin dat da end wuz verry sensitive. First, try da diplomatik route. When dey touch yur tail, screech like a banshee an run screamin into da bedroom an hyde unner da bed. When dey plead an apologise, gaze at dem wit hurt, tearfilled eyes an moan. Wit luck, dey will feel so guiltee that they hurt yoo they will neffur do it again. Uv course, if yoo are too convincin, it may mean a trip to da vet. It iz a risk, but I found it to be worthwhile to try. If diplomacy duzn't wurk, use teeth an claws(if yur lucky enuff to hav dem-I'z declawed myself) If yoo put a big ennuf scar on yur humoon, it will become a permanant reminder to them NOT TO MESS WIT DA TAIL! And it iz no more than they deserve. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Qwestions: Deer Georgie, I haz a veree sereeuz problum. I livez wif 4 uthur katz. 2 uf dem iz boyz, and I likez dem jus fine. Da uthur 2 iz gurlkatz, an they are da meenezt fings inna wurl. If Ize kin trik dem into gittin in a big box, do yu fink Ize kud mail dem sumwhere far away? How much postij duz it take to send sumfin to Siberia? Do yu fink dat iz far enuff awae dat they wud neffur be abul ta find dare wae bak? Day iz eetin alla my fud, an I iz starbin. Cosmo |
| Myne Advize: Deer Cosmo, Havin two verry meen an wikkid sisfurs uv myneown, I feel yur payne, my friend. Howeffur, shippin to Siberia wud cost $54.40 at da verry leezt. An, az I sed to our esteemed colleague Spot, dem forms iz a payne to fill out, az I discovered myownself when I had to ship a martyr pack to Sweden! Dere iz also anudder considerashun. Yur meowmie wud undoubtedlee be hartbroken at da loss uv hur gurlcats. We wudn't care about dis, except fur one impurrtant thing-to mend hur broken hart, she'd probablee go get MORE gurlcats...effun FOOFIER ones! Az dey say, better da she-devils yoo know dan da ones yoo don't. I hav a solushun fur yoo, my fwiend. Just use yur meowmie's credit card an charge a few cases uv food an sum premium nip to hur account. At least $54.40's wurth. Did shud be enuff to satisfy evun da evul sisfurs, an will leeve plentee fur yurownself too. Throw in a new bed while yur at it. Yoo deserve it. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| A follow-up from a N.Y.S.S. Deer Georgie, Ith hafe 2 follow-up kweshuns. 1)Whut maeks yoo think dath I am FOOFY?? 2)Yoo told anuthur reader below (Spot) dath collecting $35 to send his sisfur to Katmandoo woold be hard bekauze dath ith a lot uf money. So weer am Ith gonna get da $$$ fur myne own apartment. A Noo York City Snowshoo |
| Myne Advize: Deer N.Y.S.S., I hav found, in myne expurrience, dat onlee foofy cats complain about politikats. Foofy cats generally are more easy going wit dere humoon slaves, an put up wit alot more aboose as a result. They tend to get nervous when dere littermates join DaFURR, as they don't really agree wit our methods. Az fur gettin yur own place, heer iz whut I wuz thinkin. Yoo wud not hav to pay fur an apurrtment. Snowshoo girl kitties(speakin in general) are so bootiful dat dey can always find a humoon to sucker into takin dem in. Yoo cud probablee get a penthoouze sweet on da upper eastside, weer yoo wud be da only pampurred pet. No politikats to bother yoo. Just a thawt! Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Questions: Deer Georgie, One if myne housemates ith a politikat actikat. It ith verry annoying: he runs around spouting slogans, acting impurrtant and being strident. In fact he rarely shuths up. Dith aktivitee disturbthz my rezth. Whut shoold Ith do?. Help! Sincerlee, A Noo York City Snowshoo |
| Myne Advize: Deer N.Y.S.S., My sisfurs often complain about da same thing. Sumtimes we politikats get so wrapped up in our speeches dat we furget to reech out a paw to da foofy faction. In da infurrest uv glasnost an gudwill, try to lissen to him. Sum uv da things he iz kampaining for may be gud fur yoo too. An maybee yoo cud giv him lessons about how to be foofy. Not dat he wud effur do dat, but it mite be useful to know how. If wurse komes to wurse, yoo can always move out an get yur own place. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Questions: Deer Georgie, I have a major problem. My Meowmie tries to make me wear these goofy collars & tail rings all the time. She even has made me wear a loud sweater. Help! Luff, Cmdr. Thermian |
| Myne Advize: Deer Cmdr. Thermian, Beleeve me, I know all about being dressed up! Nothin iz more hoomiliating. We hav bootiful furz uv our own-why must humoons try to cover it up wit tacky clothes? I wud suggest getting da humoon a doll-she obviouslee iz trying to revert back to hur childhood. And of course, when she breaks out da clothes, yoo hav two options. Fight or flight. Use yur claws, or use yur paws to high tail it out uv da room. Yoo may also poop on da clothes to show yur displeasure. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Questions: Deer Georgie, I iz subjekted to an abomenil thin kalld BAFFTIME!!!! How do i ztop da madnezzz? (We shud note dat Reeses Cavy iz a ginny piggy, which I will admit to havin no experiance wit. But I hav left da lettur up, az it may help CATS who are facin a similar situashun.) Luff, Reeses Cavy |
| Myne Advize: Deer Cavy, Bafftime, or watur torture, iz a common aboose heer at DaFURR. I don't know da exact circumstances uv why yur own meowmie chooses to inflict dis on yoo, so I will stick to generalitees. Cats who are fastidious in dere own grooming may liv dere entire lives witout a bath. Uther cats, especially those with skin disorders, those with oily, greasy furs, or those who liv in flea infested areas, may require frequent bathing. In such cases, we must consider da bath az da lesser uv two evuls. There are a few things yur humoon cud do for yoo to make bathtime less tramatic. Mineral oil in da eyes can help if shampoo gets in dem. Cotton balls in da ears can keep da water out. They can put a screen in da bottom uv da sink, so yoo hav sumthin to sink yur claws in, besides dere face. Dey shud hav annudder humoon available to help hold yoo an sooth yoo if yoo get upset, an dey shud never yell or get angry at yoo. This just gives yoo annudder reason to hate baths. Humoons shud not give yoo a bath just to be doing it-only if yoo need it. Overshampooing can lead to skin problems. Daily brushing is more important-it helps distribute da oils evenly over yur fur, and cuts down on shedding and hairballs. Also remembur-after anny bath, yur humoons shud pampurr yoo wit yur favorite treets, az a way to say dey are sorry fur puttin yoo thru all dat. If they forget this important step, yoo are free to retaliate. Gud luk! George da Orange |
| This Week'z Questions: Deer Georgie, One of my cats has become fixated on the 'ticker' news line that shows up on channels like CNN. He will stare at it for long periods of time, and will sometimes try to swat it. This makes me nervous since our tv is a wide-screen one, which has a soft surface at the front, which could get scratched. How do I stop him from doing this? How can I distract him? I cannot spray him with water for fear of damaging the television. And, why do you think he is doing this? Has he lost his marbles? Sincerelee, A Concerned Meowmie |
| Myne Advize: Deer Concerned, Obveeouslee, yur cat iz verry intelligent, and likes to keep up on da latest news. Sometimes, he gets eggsited over whut iz bein repurrted, an dis can lead to whut yoo may, in yur uninformed humoon brain, consider inapprpriate beehavior. Da solution iz simple; I'z surprized yoo didn't think uv it yurownself, but den humoons, especially da female ones, are kind uv slow. Newspapers! Take out a copy of da latest newspaper, open it up, and begin to read. Yur cat will immeediatlee join yoo, an yoo can reed it togedder. The paper makes very satisfying crackling noises an when yoo are both finished wit it, it can be rolled into a ball an batted around da floor-sumthin yoo cud NEFFUR do wit a TV! Gud luk! George da Orange PS-He may be followin da war, as cats are verry patriotic. Help him find ways to support da troops. Try meowing God Bless Amerika to him sefural times a day. |
| This Week'z Questions: Deer Georgie, Iz need advize en postage. Dere iz diz meen cat en my hume, Juliet, dat iz want ta send fur away becaz she treetz me like a mouze becaz iz veree liddle. Iz du not want ta be chazed all da time! Iz can get her ento a box but iz ha trouble wif da tape. Id stickz ta my fur. She iz veree huge, maybee 9 pounds. Du yu think $10 iz enuff postege ta send her ta Katmandu? Wud dey send her back ef she chazed dem? Sweeney wont help me becaz he luvz her, but he duzn't see what she iz reelee like. Sincerelee, Spot, Sweeney's Roommate |
| Myne Advize: Deer Spot, I hav bad news fur yoo, my fwiend. The very cheepest way yoo cud ship Jewliet to Catmandu wud cost yoo $35.50. An da custums forms are a payne in da tail. There is sumthin dat yoo can do, tho. Since yoo are so much smaller dan Jewliet(and are therefore automatically granted "baby" status) yur best bet is to provoke her into a fight whenever humans are within earshot. Dey will run in da room and scream, "Jewliet, yoo leave that baby alone!" Den dey will lock hur away for a time out, an will try to comfort yoo wit toona an a catnip mousie, while yoo gaze at dem wit limpid, tearfilled eyes an moan piteously. Trust me, dis wurks-my little sisfur Domino duz it to me all da time! I evun know uv one cat, our own January Martyr uv da Munth Flat Polly Hiss and Spit, whose evul big brudder wuz booted out da door because he "picked"on hur! Dis wuz probablee da plan all along! Gud luk! George da Orange |
Deer Georgie, I iz a four yeer old bootiful gurlkat. I used to be da only one heer, but now dere iz a new upstart. I iz feelin neglected an aboosed, an I get yelled at when I growl an try to eat him. What shud I do? Bootiful Hazbeen |
| Myne Advize: Deer Bootiful, Furst uv all, don't blame yurownself. Or da newcomer, either. Dis is obviouslee da fault uv yur stupid humoon. It's probablee a she, am I rite? Meowmies are da wurst. She probablee just threw him on top of yoo an expected yoo to start licking hiz booty, just like best friends or sumthin. Whut a moron! What humoons don't realize iz dat efurryting iz about territory wit us. As he will probablee be stayin fur qwite a long time, try to concede sum of yur territory to him-particularlee sum you don't use much annyway. Sniff him daily, untill his scent smells familiar enuff to you. Den yoo can be friends...but don't let da humoon know! Yoo can both get lotz uv new toys an treets if yoo play on hur guilt. Rememburr-cats in da same houshowld shud put aside differences if dere iz a cleer benefit to be derived from doin so-like toonas. Gud luk! George da Orange PS...Yoo shudn't eat him, btw. Canibowlizm izn't healthy. |
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REMEMFURR: DaFURR is here fur YOO !!
Founded January 2002 by Razputin, Hapi & George da Orange