Star Jones
Star Jones Reynolds exited her stint on the View, reaffirming in many minds the belief that there is a God, and it is not Star Jones, despite what she might tell you. (It isn’t Oprah either, but I really can’t prove that.)
Surprising her cohosts with her departure announcement and making unpleasant remarks in the media, Star handled being let go with exactly the level of class we have come to expect from her. Of course, having been replaced by Rosie O’Donnell, who is almost as popular with TV viewers as C-Span or the stomach flu, you can’t really blame Star for thinking she needed to do something. Stirring up controversy seemed to work well for Janice Dickinson, who now has her own show, albeit on Oxygen. Still, while Janice is annoying, she is the kind of crazy that’s fun to watch. Star, on the other hand, is the boring kind of annoying that makes me understand why Elvis liked to shoot TV’s.
I think we all know that Star never liked having cohosts, and the cohosts never much cared for having Star. After all, even Oprah only had a cohost for one show. In the last segment of that first program, the poor woman broke down and shouted at Oprah, “Shut up for one minute! Stop trying to trump anything anyone says with something vaguely similar that happened to you. Not everything is about you!” Whereupon Oprah ate her. The show never aired and the producers refuse to talk about it, since Ms. Winfrey has demonstrated her willingness to gain as much weight as might be necessary, and “troublesome” interns always seem to go missing right around the times when she does.
I would like to suggest a new show idea for ABC involving Star Jones, a sort of reverse Survivor cum American Idol. A screen would appear during Desperate Housewives urging viewers to call a 900 number (at $1 per call) to keep Star on an island far, far away. If too few people call, then Star gets her own hour in prime time to do whatever she wants (wild guess: talk about herself). While the cost of maintaining Star, such as parachuting in food and plastic surgeons, would be high, the calls just from Barbara Walters and Al Reynolds should be sufficient to break even. I think this would be a real money-maker for ABC, and a great service to humanity.
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