Lindsey Lohan
It's a sad day when movie producers have to write their star a letter to complain about her not showing up to "work." I mean, all Americans expect our actors, people of unquestioned moral fiber, strong work ethic, and cultured upbringing, to exemplify all that is best in our society. No, wait. I'm thinking of professional athletes. Actors are lazy scum.
Still, actors are usually better at acting, that is, lying. At least Lindsey could have come up with a better excuse than that she was sick. She seems to be aware that several dozen paparazzi make a living following her around. It shouldn't surprise her that, upon seeing the pictures, the studio didn't think drinking, smoking, and writhing to earsplitting club music all night was the behavior of a sick person.
It is, however, the behavior of a future sick person. I wonder if it is possible to enter preemptive rehab, or "prehab." I can see the tagline now: "Don't wait until you're a washed-up has-been to enter rehab. Try prehab today! (Enter as often as you like. Outrageously expensive purchase necessary.)" Maybe the copywriters will need to tweak that a bit.
In any event, being paid multi-millions for reciting a set of lines on cue is generally considered easy money. But Lindsey assures us all that this is not so. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face while reciting Shakespeare with a massive hangover? Neither has Ms. Lohan, but Herbie Fully Loaded required every bit as much concentration, and sources reveal that the car was very unprofessional. Perhaps suffering is indeed the artist's lot.
I hope that soon Lindsey Lohan and other infamous young Hollywoodians, will come to realize the import of their responsibilities. When will these young punks learn that clubbing is not a therapeutic activity and Tequila is not a food group? They should strive to attain the decorum shown by our more mature stars, like the very sophisticated Mel Gibson.
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