Kim Jong Il
North Korea is making its nuclear ambitions and long range missile tests at a most inopportune time. Someone needs to remind Kim Jong IL, known affectionately as Dear Leader by his slaves, I mean, people, that George W. Bush is the first President in 60 years to fight not one, but two wars, simultaneously. He also doesn�t need to worry about being re-elected. And he says �nuculer,� instead of nuclear. Be afraid, Dear Leader. Be bemusedly afraid.
It is not wise to bolster the U.S. position by shooting missiles over Japan into the Pacific. Even the French might consider this proof of aggressive intent. Or they might excuse it as a delayed, and possibly misguided, attempt at joining in the Fourth of July festivities. They are the French, after all.
Anyway, if Mr. Kim wants to enjoy a little risk-taking, I suggest he strap 50 pounds of raw meat to himself and stroll through the tiger cages at the Pyongyang zoo. (Do they have a zoo, or has it been converted to extra prison space? I�m not sure.) This may lead to trouble, but at least Kim won�t have to spend the rest of the year living in a spider hole on the outskirts of town like the last guy to provoke Bush.
My advice is to use the money for missiles and nukes to plant some corn to feed the starving Korean populace, at least until 2008. Then go ahead and invade the South, and nuke San Francisco. North Korea will easily withstand the scathing memo to the U.N. that President Hillary will launch in response. Actually, maybe it would be better to nuke Omaha. Hillary has too many constituents in San Francisco.
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