It’s been almost a year since I lost you. There has been five guys I’ve slept with since you left. These guys I thought were more man enough than you but it turned out that ya’ll just belonged in the same pack.  And after spending time with them, I end up crying because I was hoping it was you I was with instead. I’ve been bitchyn around since you left to be happy, or maybe to make myself believe that I can be happy without you. But it’s just not the same. And it’s hard pretending to be ok. It’s way too hard to conceal what really lies within. And it’s hard pretending that I don’t love you anymore.

For two years, I tried my best to be the lady one would ever want to have. I tried my best please you in any way. I gave up my own priorities just to prove to you and to the rest of the world how much I cared for you. I tried hard to defend you and what we have to the people around me. And it’s because what I felt was real. Only to realize that all my efforts has just gone down the pits.

I still care about you. Maybe I still love you or prolly not maybe. And I wish you and your lady well.

I miss you so much Lloyd. I miss the thought of having you. I miss the lady you brought out in me.

28 Oct 2004