| Da Silk was a deeply unpleasant and abominable man until he met Da Faulkiner. His main grotesque was his body, he was so obese that he had more skin than 27 Chinese students. His condition was not hereditary, he simply ate more food than anyone else. His obsession often got him into trouble as a young man, and he would often skip his lessons and be found head down in a huge vat of mushy peas. Da Silk also abhorred any form of physical exercise, and his total lack of interest in sports led to two disgusting habits: his incredible weight gain and blindly supporting Manchester United. But Silks other main problem was his over eager sexual desires, which he was unable to ever forefil. During his teenage years, Da Silk lusted after any girl he could, but for obvious reasons, none would touch him with a barge pole. Which ironically would have been the only way to get to his private area through the layers of fat. The urge became so great that he did try and attack a girl called Sally Denton, the prettiest in school. As he lunged, he fell and she became lodged in a fat flap on his lower back, where she had to stay for 18 days until specialist were able to free her. Weighing 44 stones at only 17 and as yet unable to reach his own love-log due to his fat arms, Da Silk became increasingly distressed. He took to living in a huge box so that the outside world could only view his head, but his inability to move meant he had to have a staff of 5 people on hand constantly to feed him. Eventually the lard arse had to concede defeat, and he decided to end his hopeless life on he 21st birthday, he swallowed 125 pills. These turned out to be laxatives usually administered to bears and so began the worst 49 hours of Da Silks life. Unable to control his huge body he shat constantly for over two days, and he created the worst ecological disaster Leytonstone had ever seen. The shit collected and formed an unstoppable crap slide that completely destroyed 85 homes, and the smell has never actually cleared to this day. But on top of the hill stood Da Silk, his arsehole the size of a small child's face, but now the size of a normal man. He weighed just over 10 stone, it was a miracle. He sold off his excess skin at premium prices for plastic surgery, but was hounded out of his home town by a group of irate families. With no home but finally with a future to welcome he approached Da Faulkiner, and they have remained buddies ever since. |
