| Do you know this young girl? Her name is Da Deaves, and she is one tough nut. She's got balls of steel and she'll prove a point with her iron fist. She was born in a small town in Russia called Kackacistack, a small village where every man knew every woman. She was the fourteenth girl of 23, and shared her hom ewith a further 14 brothers and a farm yard of animals. Her mother, Hingrad was a baby machine, gently easing a new one out every 6 months or so. From a very early age Da Deeves found she had a talent for shearing the sheep on the farm, and took great pleasure from it. But the Chernobyl disaster struck the family hard, and very soon all the animals had either died or suddenly sprouted a new arm or leg. It struck the young girl hard, and she became very depressed and would cry for long periods. One day the anger that had built up inside of her exploded and she went off on a murderous rampage. After ripping the back legs off of a donkey she took to smashing old women around the head with them and then destroying buildings with her bare hands. The army was called in and she was eventually stopped by a crack team of commandos who managed to pump her full of tranquilizers normally used for elephants. They then took her to a top secret military facility where leading scientists examined her very closely. It was discovered that she had a rare genetic deformity call Babatagion which made her abnormally strong. But although she had the strength of 23 men, or alternatively 49 women, the draw back was that whenever she would strain herself, she would also loose all control of her bodily fluids. When she woke up the army put her to best use, down a pit. However her abismal control often led to either catastrophic build up of methane or floods of shite. The Russians decided that she may be better served as an Olympic athlete. They entered her for two events, the shot put and weight lifting, but she was disqualified from the shot put due to her lack of beard or chest hair. The weightlifting however proved to be more successful. She mamaged to break all the records and take home two gold medals, but not without nearly causing an international incident when she accidently shit on an Italien judge lifting a particularly heavy weight. She returned home a heroine, she was a national idol. She had mastered both lifting disiplines, she could go either way, and everyone admired her phenominal snatch technique which was only challenged by her amazingly clean jerk off. But she found that fame was as bitter a pill to swallow as her coaches mouth full, and vowed to get away and make her fortune in america. She headed for Hollywood and decided she would be an actress. But she was quickly disapointed, early setbacks such as missing out on the role of Willy in the Free Willy trilogy hit her hard. She was quickly reduced to taking any job that came her way, literally. Her minor roles included parts in "Amphibian Lesbian Paraplegics in Whore Town Horror", "Jug-onauts 27-Mamories and Papas" and "Texas Chainsaw Gangbang". Pennyless and friendless in America she was deported, but she couldn't face the humiliation of returning home a failure, so she instead headed for a place where rejects and freaks were welcomed. Wakefield in England was her destination, and it was ther that she met and befriended Da Faulkiner, and was quickly welcomed to Da Faulkiner IX. |
