"Timber"

Ahh, the tale of the hairy girl. Lizzy was always a hairy person, even from birth. On her way out of the birth canal she left her mother with rug burns. As a child nothing could be done, but once the on set of puberty hit, something had to be done.

When Lizzy was thirteen her parents introduced her to disposable razors. Her first try failed. She was so cut up that she had to wait weeks before attempting another try. By then the hair grew back thicker and fuller than ever. It was like the one Mickey Mouse cartoon where he steals the sorcerer's hat and brings the brooms to life. He ends up chopping them in half to only find out that when this is done, they grow into new brooms from the splinters of the first one. Lizzy's hair grew the same way- from one follicle grew two hairs, then three, and so on.

At age sixteen her eyebrows were plucked back. They no longer resembled two Saltmarsh Caterpillars (the big black hairy ones) crawling across her forehead. Now they were thinner and shaped. A good start, but what was to be done with the leg hair?

It was always the number one problem. Shorts, skirts, and capri pants were out of the question this summer. Jeans again. But she had a hot date with Trent, the hottest boy in school. He had hair, but his couldn't complete with Lizzy's. Trent didn't have a clue of what he was into because the day he asked her out she was wearing pants. On his date this little scenario could and would probably happen: Lizzy wears a long skirt to hide the hair. Later that evening Trent stops at a deserted spot. Just as things start to heat up, he gets his hand under her skirt and then the "bush" attacks. The poor boy swears he has just felt his Uncle Charlie's legs, but no, it's his date Lizzy.

To prevent this from happing, Lizzy decides to use an electric razor. She figures it wont cut her and will be strong enough to cut down the thick hairs. She also decides to take a nice warm bath with some bubble bath. She's feeling relaxed and reaches for the razor. But what our poor friend hasn't done, is read the instructions attached to the cord. They specifically say "Do Not Use Near Water!" Ah, but in the rush she is in, she starts shaving in the tub

The trunks fall, splashing into the tub, where their brothers follow. One leg is done and is looking pretty good. Lizzy is impressed with herself as she feels her bald smooth leg. She then lathers up the next leg and grabs for the razor which is on. Lizzy has forgotten to rise the soppy residue from her hands, and so as she grabs the razor it pops out of her hands. She yells out "Oh Fuck— Ah tha tha." ZAP!

No date with Trent. No more dates, only one to the kinky mortician. Her smooth legs won't go unappreciated.