I moved houses almost a year ago. I moved from a really quiet house that pretty much no one drove by, to a house that's right in the suburbs. We have neighbors now. Thanks to this, I can't do my voodoo rituals where I must dance naked in the front yard. Thanks to them, I no longer will have eternal life.
Is it ok to tenaciously watch the next door neighbor girl in her bikini washing the car? It isn't? Well, why is she wearing such skimpy clothing to wash a vehicle?! She's asking to be watched! Admit it!
"Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one." Is that nasty or what?!
Single dads, I have a great piece of advice for you! Have your kid hold up a sign that says "Flash us!" when you're sitting on your porch of your city apartment. Some women might do that, because the kid is so cute.
Some men complain on how they wish their wives would put out more. If women were as horny as men... do you know what the world's population would be? Do you know how fast jackrabbits multiply?! We'd have to have more wars and famines to keep the population in check.
All my friends are insane. Hey, it's either I hang out with the insane people, the stoners, or the retarded kids. Some choice...
Why is it that all the dumb people in the world get all the breaks?! I'm gonna bash my head in with a bat and be dumb... He he he... BASH IT! BASH IT!!! BE THE BALL!!!!!
My therapist says I worry her.
What is with all these people at the mall? I have friends who go every other day or so, and I go sometimes, and the same people are at the mall every single day! Have they no lives?!
Old people have the odd tendency to tell you the most intimate parts of their life when they sit next to you on the bench or local bus... Why?
My friend Shane has a little sister named Elena. (I think that's how you spell it...) She's 7 years old, and has a cute little kitty cat named Marshmellow. He says if he ever finds that cat dead, he'll kill me. (ie: I killed her cat. Remember the humor page?) I told him he'd have to kill me first.
My mom hates you. She hates pretty much everyone and will find the slightest fault and blow it up.
"Annoy the general populace! Sing in the shower!" -status message from my YIM friend.
Why do I get so much crap in my email? I'm talking about spam, not from you people, of course. :-P
Actual email I recieved from a friend. BTW, I got crap for Christmas compared to her, and I told her I'd freak if she got a car from her dad:
hey!
ok i wont tell you i got a car na just kidding my dad
would never get me a car he isent that crazy :) any way i didnt\
get much either a realy nice sweater i wanted a huge bed set that
ive been wanting for ever for about 100 from all my relatives the
cheapscapes uh oh ya this mushroom light and to many cloths all
well such is life oh guess what the day ater christmas i cracked
my rib now how do you like that it hurts like a bitch i was playing
soccer in a tennis court at night with my dad and a hole bunch of guys
and i got smashed to many time woke up the next morning with to many
bruses and one cracked rib the docter ( i hate docters ) said there
is nothing they can do i have to let it heal now how do you like that
i wait in there for 3 hours just for them to tell me that i could
have shot
them all well got to go laters
I know this is mean showing the email, but anyway, I'm just wondering... I can't see any periods in this email... *Shrug*
"Why is it that 90% of ugly girls have large breasts and 90% of cute girls have small ones?" -My friend Chai, attempting to share his wisdom on his favorite subjects... Sigh...
Chai is so obsessed with girls breasts, that he will go out with pretty much any girl that had a C size bra or larger. We call C and bigger size bras "Chai size" for obvious reasons...
I like hitting Chai.
I constantly look over the internet for funny things to read. I'm usually talking to Julie on Messenger, so I'm entertained usually. (Somehow, I know you're thinking sick thoughts. What is your problem?!) When she's not on or she's busy, the internet seems dull. Go to a search engine and look for "8-bit theatre" if you want to read something that will make you wet your pants laughing.
Is stabitty death so wrong?
Ahem... A guestbook entry I recieved.
Name : Sweet16
Where you live : uranus
Age : see name
Where did you hear about my page? Huh?! AWNSER ME! : my brother hahahhahahahahahahahahaha
Compliments, comments, insults : your page Fuc*ing suxs talk bout lavender.........hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. change it from 101 to 81
Hmm... Oh well. I know who it is. I don't care about the fuggin sux part, but what I do care about is the other thing. I'm not sure I should talk about it, since I have such bad luck, the girl might find it. Oh well. What do I care. All in the name of entertainment...
Okay, Lavender is this wierd girl at my school who is... Well... in nicest terms, a complete slut. She will go out with pretty much any guy in school. No, wait, what am I talking about!? I mean anything that has testicles. She is not exactly the nicest thing to look at, and on another note, she, and her at the time boyfriend, got the buildings locked. Administration locked it because of incidents inside... Why I blame her is for one simple reason... Her and her boyfriend were pretty much having sex in the buildings. I am not kidding. They'd be in the corner with their hands in each others clothes groping each other. I'm not saying it's not ok for people to do that, but not in public please... Sigh... I'm done. *Walks away*
Why is it that www.whitehouse.com lead to a porn site?
I hate white people who try way to hard to act black. See, at least Eminem looks ok doing it.
This one kid in my school named John is the dumbest kid I know. He's not retarded, but it's hard to know that when you meet him. He will scream out the stupidest thing in the highest pitch tone possible. "Ooh! Maybe come down poo poo doo doo head?!" Another thing I hate is that he tries so hard to act black, and he's chinese, see. He constantly calls himself I nigger. I hate him...
Most of my friends think I lie all the time. I usually do, about some things, but when it's really important, I'll tell them the truth, and then they don't believe me, and when they miss a chance at something or get in trouble, it's funny.
People who try to make you feel better are better than you are.
One morning, it was really boring at school, and it was like 7:00, so we had another hour. We were playing truth or dare, and someone dared me to lick a tire. They didn't think I would do it. What do you think are my chances of getting kissed now?
I realize that jumping off of tall buildings and landing on your stomach hurts.
I hate gravity.
Never stick a gerbil in the microwave unless you're ready to clean it up. Those things pop like a balloon.
I hate every single person in my English class... Well... Except one. She's the only one that's not a dumbass... Did I mention I hate them all?
Wrestling games are fun, because you can jump off of things like ladders and land on things like tables headfirst, and you get right back up!
The pictures of George Clooney at google.com are really wierd looking... Scary.
Shar pei dogs are soooo wierd looking too... They're all wrinkly and gross.
Damn those emails about enhancement... And blocking them just don't help... I hate advertisers too, damnit! DAMNIT!!!