Nov 10 2004
The more I look through the Marathon code, the more I conceptualize the Marathon engine, the more I see it’s simplicity; it’s raw, outdated two dimensional mapping is only made simple for performance on old machines. But then I look at the crap today.
The sleep deprivation went to the point I couldn’t regulate timing, at all. Instances are flying at me like those red rose pedals in American Beauty- shot at me like projectiles, rather. They’re changing color... the art of it.
I’d like to think back to a time, where there were no clichés; a time where there wasn’t all of the noise, all of the pollution. When there was neither corruption nor active responsibility driven to denigration or predjudice. To a time where things lived in peace and quiet; a time where there wasn’t much of any external involvement or contamination of mind. All back to a time where humans didn’t exist.
Modern gaming still uses the same old methods of linear mapping, the same old methods for sociopathic artificial intelligence, the same meaningless zero pixel thickness of images to represent walls.
Not much has changed in the gaming industry. It’s just new hardware running general software, at par with the typical hardware. A democracy of modern gaming takes life to whole new meaning-less jargon. It pretty much takes life for granted. The professional mind has been thrown out the window. Necessary tradition (usually ancient tradition) and education are underrated. But it is the ease and immediate response of trigger-finger stimulation that keeps people on the machine, as the mind is being erased of appropriate objective thinking.
The word ‘liberal’ has been redefined into something ugly. The black and white representation of a colorful universe; the universe is beyond color. Vibrant thoughts and feelings suppressed into an oversimplification. One person (and as many in thousands or millions) would call ‘gay’. There was a time has the representation been stuffed into a lack of detail to such that every bit of representation is exaggerated. There was a time when the choices, the artform, the rationality, the very essence of an open mind has been squashed by cultural bounds, and crushed through the ignorant perception of the inevitable imperfection while concern and honest reaction remain hidden to the point of equilibrium. Balance of power only coexists with balance of mind in all, and it is not the perception of balance to be seen in line as action to merely disrespect.
Conservatism has it’s differences from conservative tradition. Conservative tradition would be to “take it easy”, and go through things professionally. To learn from mistakes and make exceptions with the state of mind; to make sacrifice. Sacrifice! A word I would have never rationally used before. But today, it is clear for me that I am only a part of many, that will not wait for the end. I would rather be stimulated by the sacrifice; for working for greater living for all, rather than to be stimulated by desensitization. The illegality of figure will not be tolerated, distortion will be pushed back, and emotion will be fullfilled out of meaningful, truthful justice. The hypocrisy overshadows the falsely leaded actions of the small number. Without weapons to support the arms, the arms are weak. To be further from the truth of the unknown, to put simple-minded expectations before research; out of liberalism and conservatism, the latter is truely the one with the most risk. For me, it is the one that has caused the most damage; it is the one I would rather avoid.
As the actions of the many fail the attemp for the lesser of evil from taking role, we must get back our sense of humor. We must repair the damage before this wave of liquid shit comes to shore again. The underlying divisions hold work of a different few. Bondage has it’s share of bad and good, but without love and communication, we all perish. And it lasts with no end.
Nov 29 2004
The art of intellectual thought comes from the realisation that everything is circumstantial. The purest of pure to the crappiest of crap; one thing leads to the next, and math goes out the window. Calculation is not in line with organic animation, being affected by everything around it. Fact is not in line with assumption, and neither is fact necessarily the truth. The only way to know something, is to dive into the vast deep ocean of work. Books, movies; mainstream or independent. It is left to the viewer to to not only decide, but to be able to find things themselves. The way of the language does not hold responsible, but contains the language; it brings stimulation. The thought and realisation with learning through language in every form.
Dec 20 2004
Then I remembered that there were other forces that breeded corruption other than human life. And before the recollection of being human, myself, I saw myself being part of all of life; I found myself capable of making things better.
I found myself wanting it all back.