Honesty to lead
by Adam Pickett (2008.11.29)
Openness has never been very easy for me, as readiness, or lack thereof, based
self-discipline as unwarranted, generated insecurities that would never be personally solved in
adolescence, and had made any achievement a matter of entertainment. As a reflection of my
virtual parental abandonment, relinquishment was to be seen at many doors. In entrusting in
modernity, practice of patience was at odds with my non-instinctual insecurities, and the rest was
history.
Whatever of means to efforts in thought provocation has made my self-teachings
pleasant, however, wearisome as well; in means of steadfastness, practice anywhere would indicate
declination; in means of pushing mental capacity, sacrifice of my body has yielded unsightly
results. After picking up on examples in consequence of dishonest whims throughout my
life, I ve come to realize, so far, that not only do many of my long-standing problems fit
that example, but so true has there been a light cast on unpreparedness.
On a basis of happenstance, I discover things I dont fully understand, succeed
without so much effort others seem to exude. For example, I found a way to calculate
exponentiations and logarithms on a calculator using only basic functions, then on paper -- no
formulas, no power series. With a justification of improvement, making revisions in formatted
writing is now often done in what I know some would call “loony”. Notice that this
text may show at five lines per paragraph, and each sentence has an odd number of characters.
One could only imagine a great aptitude in my steps, as I wouldnt have been able to
write anything like what I have late this year, just two years ago. Credit is due with my
sources for information; however, one must be deeply honest and unrelenting to find the
truth. With insufficient and unreliable outward communications, it takes days for me to do
what some are able to in minutes; living in something of a Podunk, sources reduced and resided on a
mainly soured media landscape prevail reduced accomplishments.
Something came to me in the notion of arrogance without expectation. From arrogance
in leadership comes an inherent dishonesty, as even my own mother has lost the ability to admit
error of judgment. In a blink of the eye, I found an answer to an undying
question: “ego as the root problem in life.” As arrogant and deluded as I can be in
life, I kept the idea in mind without hard scrutiny, but never in my thought experiments did it
fail. Ego, and blindness of it seemed to explain everything, as I got the feeling that I had
hit the nail on the head.
Like a weight was lifted off my back, everything seemed clearer. But given how
artificial my approach to life has been all these years, Ive surrounded myself with
distrust; my subconscious doubts my actions, and so my own fragility is tested each day; I am going
deaf and blind, and may have a stroke later on in life. Examples of sacrificial efforts take
storm, as one would need to exercise their need for survival. To be honest with myself and
others, claims have to be tested. To be completely open, my state of ego would need to be
crushed.
There is a great need for discussion in a world of establishments that go mad, sucking in
whatever they can, and socializing the debt in return. The infiltration of ego makes way for
all corners of mind, as science academia dismisses any notion of disbelief of certain
subjects. With all excuses of political and monetary gain; if you even give an impression of
disbelief to Darwinian evolution, or man-made global warming, you are scrutinized heavily, and
readily now does it appear as a disciplinary offense for a grant supported scientist.
In all personal scrutiny, I try not to believe in anything but the absolutes that
work: natural means and mathematics. I would only really take anything else into
consideration. Language, borders and culture tie to these traits, but not always do they
translate very well. Math is universal, and real nature is naturally
competent. Natural means would be the means to the existence of life. As long as optimism
isnt blindly stated, I share such hypocrisy in the doctrine, as with competence do I see
better days ahead.
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