WhiteHouse Jokes
"I could not have made it here without you Ross."
WHITE HOUSE JOKES
"I could not have made it here without you Ross."
WHITE HOUSE JOKES
Q: What definition of a virgin at the white house? A: A woman who can
run faster than Clinton
Q: What does Ted Kennedy have that Clinton wants? A: A dead woman
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? A:
Only 1,500 people went down on the Titanic!
Q: Why did Kenneth Starr go after Monica Lewinsky?
A: Because he thought she really blew it...
Q: Where did Bill Clinton buy the dress for Monica Lewinsky?
A: Seaman's
Q: What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
A: Free Willy
* * *
SURVEY SAYS...!
An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question:
Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?
1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again"
* * *
TOP 15 THINGS HEARD COMING FROM THE OVAL OFFICE
15. Are you sure that Al Gore started this way? 14. If this gets out,
I'll be ruined.
13. If I can't get this out, *I'll* be ruined.
12. If I could convince Hillary to do that just once...
11. Now you know why they call me 'Slick Willie'.
10. You took the job as a White House "in-turn" didn't you? Well, >
now it's your turn.
9. I knew that a lot of things came across your desk, I just never
thought that I would be one of them.
8. Somehow, I don't think that Alan Greenspan would explain inflation
*that* way.
7. I've always said, "I want to be a 'hands-on' president."
6. When you asked me to look at the presidential pole, I thought you
meant the latest Gallup Survey.
5. I thought that all of those notches in your desk were from Socks
sharpening her claws.
4. When you said that you had your finger on the pulse of the nation,
this isn't exactly what I thought you meant.
3. Hmmm... "Maybe Chelsea's idea of a sorority slumber party at the
White House is a good idea after all...."
2. Is this one of the Presidential duties that you said the Paula
Jones trial would interfere with, Mr. President...
1. If you think that's 8 inches, I can see why you thought your last
budget was balanced!
* * *
ADVICE FROM A TRUSTED ADVISOR
"Hey Bill, I've got a perfect defense for your problem", says Vernon
Jordan.
"Oh yeah, what's that Vernon?", asks Bill.
Vernon excitedly says, "Well you remember when you were being pressed
about smoking pot and you told everyone that you didn't inhale?" Bill
replied, "Yeah so what?"
"What if we can get her to say she didn't swallow???" * * *
TOP 10 PERKS OF BEING A WHITE HOUSE INTERN
10. You get a great understanding of Domestic Affairs
9. White House Mess takes on whole new meaning 8. Pay is lousy, but
hush money is generous
7. Fabulous on the job training
6. First hand knowledge of Presidents commitment to youth
5. More exciting than those boring Americorps sessions 4. Gives new
meaning to Gen-X slogan "Rock the Vote"
3. With Chelsea's extra wardrobe, you always have something clean to
wear home
2. Learn what it feels like to hold the free world in the palm of
your hand
1. Free supply of Bill's special condoms: "Ridged to the 21st
Century"
* * *
POLITICAL GAME SHOW
Tony Blair, Prime Minister of Great Britain, Jacques Chirac,
President of France, and Bill Clinton, the U.S. President, were in a
contest to determine which of them was the greatest lover.
First question was to Tony Blair: "If you are on a first date with a
woman and you want to kiss her, where do you kiss her?" Blair: "On the
lips?" Judge: "That's right!" Second question was to the Jacques
Chirac: "If you are on a second date with a woman and you want to kiss
her, where do you kiss her?" Chirac: "On ze breasts?" Judge: "That's
right!" Third question was to Bill Clinton: "If you are on a third
date with a woman and you want to kiss her, where do you kiss her?"
Clinton: "Don't ask me, I missed both'a them first two questions!!!"
More funny Clinton jokes...
MORE CLINTON JOKES
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Did you know that Hillary Clinton just wrote a new book? It's titled,
"It Takes a Village to Satisfy My Husband"
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Did you hear? Al Gore is only one orgasm away from the presidency.
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Q: What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition? A:
"So now you open your mouth"
--------------------------------------------- I'm only as old as the
woman I feel. ---------------------------------------------
The reason First Lady wears the pants in the house is because the
President can never keep his on.
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Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their
home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a
service station to fill up their car with gas. It seemed that the
owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They
exchanged hellos and then the White House couple went on their way.
As they were driving on to their final destination, Bill put his arm
around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you
would now be the wife of a service station owner." She smirked and
replied, "No, if I had stayed with him HE would be the President of
the United States TODAY."
A FEW MORE CLINTON JOKES
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For those of you who remember the motto at the democratic headquarters
prior to the election - "It's the economy stupid" now comes a more
appropriate motto:
"IT'S THE ZIPPER STUPID"
----------------------------
The new scandal is being called "ForniGATE" or "Forna-GATE" Choose
your own spelling
----------------------------
The Federal Trade Commission is investigating the case as well... as
an illegal merger.
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First they complain that you AREN'T spending enough time with the
interns . . . .
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Clinton's problem is that he can't keep Air Force One in the hangar.
Subject: Clinton Humor
Date: Tuesday, January 27, 1998 9:23AM
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? A: They were
both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex? A: When Hillary is out of
town.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic? A: Only 200
women went down on the Titanic.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House? A: He
keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride. Q. What
does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? A: He
thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.