Thinking about doing this makes my eyes watery already; that's how much I miss my Grandma a.k.a. 'Grandmizzle'. My 'Grandmizzle' (Teresita 'Esing' Brigoli Trazo), was born ing Tuburan, Cebu in the Philippines on February 28, 1928. I wasn't born yet when she was so I had no clue on what she was doing as a child. But, when she was married, I know little things. I know with all her strength she raised 9 kids. All kids named by the order of the alphabet:
A=Alexander, B=Brenda, C=Claudette, D=Danilo, E=Eileen, F=Frank, G=Grace, H=Howard, and I=Irving
Then came me after so many years! By looking at some old family pictures, my grandma loved me! She loved me just as much as she loves everybody! I saw in the pictures how she's always there with me making me happy, watching me, feeding me, carrying me, and etc. True Grandma - word up! As the years came, I developed something called 'memory', that I still have till this day and I remember some of those memories. Let's start in Bell Gardens, California. I was in kindergarten and my grandparents lived next door to us. I remember always going there because our grandparents would watch over my sisters and I when we were done with school and our parents was still at work. I remember this one time I was hungry and wanted some cereal but my Grandma had no milk. Instead of putting like real homoginized milk, I think she put in evaporated or condensed milk instead. boy, it was nasty and I don't think I even finished it nor ate it! I remember one time when my head got stuck in one of her chairs and I couldn't get out and I was crying. I remember my grandma and my sisters trying to help me out and then I guess I blacked out. I don't know how I got out but I know it was my grandma who got me out. My sisters were too little to get me out - LoL! Let's just say we all moved and my grandma moved away to another city called Norwalk and we moved in another city called Bellflower. That time I didn't know the importance of relationships, shoot, I didn't even know what relationship meant back then. Grandma here and grandma there. Nothing really went on as the years passed by just the simple, "hi grandma", and, "bye grandma". 1997 changed everything for me. My mom's mom (other grandma; Felicia R. Baclaan) died in San Francisco from an Aneurism (I don't know if that's the correct spelling). You can say I was mad, not even mad; but pissed off because no relationship there. It was sad because the only time I had a relationship with my grandma Felicia was when I was little. When I look at my other grandma; Teresita, same thing. Only relationship I had with her is when I was little. I desired to chage that. I admit, it took awhile for me to get started. To take those steps to build this bond with my last grandma. Let's say I failed; I failed to do so. I was just doing the same, "hi", and, "bye" stuff. Now, I think she's going to die. I heard from my parent's that my grandma was rushed to the hospital in Lakewood. She was bleeding severly inside. It scared me, I remember being in my room teary eyed because I thought this was it; I was thinking she's going to die and I didn't build that relationship with her. By God's Grace and Healing Power she was healed. She was ok and running. I remember one time visiting her with my dad, she was happy to see me and I wanted to cry. I still remember that big smile upon her face and I remember smiling so big that my cheek bones were about to cover my eyes because I was happy to see her 'ok'! That's when things went for the better. I started talking to my grandma, volunteering to help her walk somewhere, and helping her out of the car. Family gathering produced and I would ask my grandma if she wanted anything but always rejected me - hehe! Worse came to worse. Another shocker and another doubt. She went to the hospital because of her diabetes. She was in the hospital for a long time! She was ok; she went home like after nearly living in the hospital. From this, this wierd bond happened; a trio - between my cousin Lee, my grandma, and I. See, I wouldn't eat when I got to my grandma's house because I'm shy. So, I was telling my cousins one tim elike, "I'm so hungry", then here comes Lee yelling, "Grandma, Stephen's hungry", and my grandma called me and literally made me eat. Ever since then, that was the special bond. The sad part is that my granma kept on having attacks and it brings that same question to my mind even stronger, "is this my grandma's time?". So many attacks! For awhile, she wasn't being herself. Everytime my cousins would yell, "Grandma, Stephen's hungry", I would respond back (in a lie though), "no grandma their lying, I'm not hungry". She wouldn't make me eat anymore and she wouldn't ask if I'm hungry. She would look at me and laugh. I would laugh too because the dork I am I found that funny. To be continued .... The Grandmizzle Legacy Lives On!
The Grandmizzle Legacy Lives On!
What can I say from here about my grandma. I promise myself that the special bond between us about food, I will continue to do; I will eat when I go to her house. I wish I can here the loud TFC and stuff but that has ended. I wish I can continue to hear my cousins yell, "grandma, stephen's hungry", but that too has come to an end. July 24, 2003. I remember that day totally! I remember going online and I saw my cousin Madel on and she was away. So, I was being nosey and I wanted to read what her away message was and it said, "Grandma is in Trouble!". My reply to that to myself was, "great!", "grandma didn't eat again and now she's having another diabetic attack". I wanted to go with my dad to see her but I didn't. I chose to go out with my friend's instead and while I was going to my friends house why did I get a strong feeling that 'this was her time', 'this was it'. I ignored it. Then, I got the bad news from my sister Dette. I was at Toys 'r Us with my friends Ate Mitchie, Ate Dyan, and Ronel. My sister called me saying that I had to go home and I knew she was crying. At first, I thought our house was broken in to because she didn't know about my grandma being in the hospital. I got pissed and I yelled at her, 'why!', and then she replied, "Grandma Is Dead!". I got sad and I was going to cry, then I told my friends I had to go because my grandma died. I remember going 80mph down Gridley. I remember while driving I was crying like crazy. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. I had my windows up and my stereo was blasting '12 Stones - Let Go'. Good song especially during that time. You know the usual, my entire family and I saw my grandma at the hospital and stuff. If I have to take a lesson in this it would be religion wise. Everything that's going on in this world; Jesus is coming soon! My grandma passing away is a sign that hey, living on this earth for 75 years; life is short. I want to make the best out of my life through the way God wants it to be. I backslide from my relationship with God when my grandma passed away. I wasn't mad at God and blaming him for it but I just fell. I was too sad to do anything. I lost control and I was always out the door at my grandma's viewing, then after that, at my grandmas house till like 2-3am in the morning. I had the feeling that I didn't have time for 'HIM'. I want to have my life back in track with God, to be able to seek His Will in my life and fulfill it. Not for the sake of my grandma but for my own personal need. This is what I want! My grandmas death hordly got me on tears but made me more happy than sad. I'm proud of my grandma in everything she did and accomplished. She raised 9 kids, thousands of grandkids, and so forth. Every sickness she face she fought. Her death wasn't a sign of failure in fighting but a sign that God called her hom. I know that God called her and she listened! My grandma is in a place that I have to agree that I would rather have her be than staying here. She's in a place that she is eternally happy, a place that I want to go too when God calls me home, and a place where I will be re-united with my grandma. This place I'm talking about is our real home, Heaven. Of course, I will miss my grand terribly and I do at this very moment. The memories of my grandma and I are blessings from God and I thank Him for giving me those times with my grandma that now became memories. I know my grandma, she wanted me to be good. A good boy, cousin, son, nephew, grandson, brother, student, and etc. I long to be what she wants me to be. I also know that she wants me to be a better role model for my younger cousins. Teresita 'Esing' Brigoli Trazo a.k.a. My Grandmizzle, this is for you! Please remember that I love you, I miss you, and that now when I got to your house; I eat because I still can hear you voice telling me to do so.
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