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Welcome
one and all to the lucky, twelfth edition of JUST BUSINESS.
That's right, McClean's little column that could is now officially
the longest-running and therefore greatest periodical in the history of
GZW's Hotwire Magazine. That's right, human stains - it's me,
Clancy "The Big" McClean. Get it? Big Mac...?
Oh, sorry. I mean Clancy "Double Big Mac with Cheese and
Bacon. And Seasoned Curlies." McClean. Pigs...
Today,
however, I present to you not your run-of-the-mill Hotwire article that
has begun to creep it's way closer and closer to the forefront of the
whole shebang in my absence, but rather something completely different.
I present to you today something revolutionary. Something that
will strike dumb every last one of you. You know those men and,
sadly, women for whom you cheer, chant and sweat week in and week
out on GZW Television? No? C'mon... You know them.
John Taylor? Pimp Bizkit? Justin Sharp? No? Seven?
Forget it. I'll trim the formal fat, as it were, and get right
down to business...
...JUST
BUSINESS,
that is!
As
I was going to say, today's edition is something I like to call Clancy's
Roster Evaluations. What's an evaluation? What's
a roster? What's a Clancy's? Sheesh...
Don't even bother your little brains thinking so much.
For
the slow-witted among you, I'll break down the grading system I'll be
utilising for today's evaluation. Taken into account were such key
traits as workrate, mic work, charisma, drawing power and overall
importance to the company. In case you don't catch it, I've listed
the wrestlers in "Alphabetical Order". What, you
don't know what that is? Don't you remember the song? It
must've only been before the Christmas break that you covered it in
Adult Ed. Morons...
For
a more broken down, easy-for-the-average-hick-to-follow guide, feast
your eyes on Clancy McClean's foolproof grading system:
A+
= Workrate, mic work, ring psychology and charisma are exceptional. The
closest thing to Michael Irons in this day and age.
A = Excels in all of the "key areas" explained
above.
B, B+, A- = Upper midcard wrestler who needs a little work in
some areas in order to improve.
C, C+, B- = Midcarder who has not yet reached his potential or
has peaked and is journeying ignorantly down a slippery slope into
irrelevance. They might be unable to improve on some areas due to
their size and/or natural talent. Or lack thereof
D+, C- = Nearly unwatchable.
D or lower = I'd rather read to the blind.
F = So bad that I’d rather massage Maxx Pain's feet.
NG = Why should I bother if they don't?
Easy enough to follow? If not, just nod along and keep
reading. If yes, then give yourself a pat on the back - You have
the mental capacity of a pre-school child. So without further
adieu...
Bane:
C+
One word sums up this guy: Unpredictable. Not in the way that
some idiot mark would cream his shorts and wonder aloud "Oooh,
what's he gonna' do next?", but more in the way that he's as
inconsistent as they come. One week he's putting on an average Midcard
feud with Kid Kaos. The next he's in a war of words with John
Taylor. The next he wins a Battle Royale and beats
John Taylor for the HKWF title. After that, he goes after the
United States Heavyweight Championship in another Battle Royale but
can't quite make anything out of that. At Aftermath, what does he
do but barely beat Victor Storm, with help, only to then go on
and put on a match-of-the-night contender with Seth Freakin'
Raide. Without sounding like a mark at all, I can honestly say
"Oooh, what's he gonna' do next?" The answer would be
anyone's guess, but I'll ask it anyway. Until he finally cements
himself as any one thing in particular, he'll ride the C+ wave.
Why? He hasn't been around long enough for any possible in-ring
shortcomings to be exposed which would drag him down. Similarly,
he hasn't been around long enough to prove himself as anything
particularly thrilling. In this sort of situation, things
generally tend to only get better. At the moment, he's not exactly
a crucial roster member, but he's certainly not a hindrance. A
good guy to have around, certainly. Give him a year or so of
grooming and we could have another Deacon Kane on our hands.
Darien Blake: NG
Impact? Please. Impact goes out the window with this
guy. To put it bluntly, in terms of impact, this so-called Blue
Eyed Bastard makes Bane look like James Fucking Corbin...
It's quite a shame as well, as I know for a fact that management
expected big things from this kid. Hell, I did too. His look
alone would have had him sorted for life. I mean, have you seen
the kid? Blonde, blue eyes, 6'6, 275 pounds... Need I go
on? Let's put it this way - Even if Mr. Blake didn't know the
first thing about the business, the Booking Committee would've made him
an absolute star. Unfortunately, he seems to have made a habit out
of no-showing. For now, he gets a big fat NG, purely for
the fact that we've seen nothing from him. A waste of marketable
talent, for sure...
Joshua Cleaver: C
Yawn. What's this guy even doing back? His contribution
factor to the overall roster is zero. He has no gimmick, no angle,
no unique selling point. He's dull and in dire need of a wake-up
call. If you can read and are currently thumbing through the pages
of this publication, Edward C. Evans, think of this as your
wake-up call. Giving you as high a grade as a C is me being generous,
and even that's only because you're still young. You're a big,
thick block of wood. Carve yourself into something useful.
James "Monarch" Corbin: B+
Three weeks ago, I would have told you that Monarch was on his way
out. On his last legs, singing his last song... You get my
drift. On Christmas day I would have told you that Monarch had
just picked up his game and was on his way back in, at a hundred miles
an hour. John Taylor seems to have a knack for resurrecting old
bones, as seen with the Monarch and, more recently, Sincere... I
personally thank Johnboy for doing whatever it was that gave the
Wrestling Franchise no choice but to re-sign with the company and step
back inside the ring. The main event at Crimson's "Not So
Silent Night" proved it. Real Wrestling is alive and
well. Going into Aftermath, Monarch had just issued a challenge to
Taylor for what at the time was his World Heavyweight Title.
Unfortunately for Monarch, Taylor couldn't keep his end of the bargain
and so he might be waiting a little longer than expected for that title
shot. At a B+, Monarch is invaluable to the company. He's
irreplaceable, and he's only just getting his feet wet. Let's just
see how intense the real Glass Ceiling gets over the next few
months. Welcome back, James Corbin.
"The Future" Tommy Casper: NG
Someone please tell me, what kind of wrestler interrupts the main event
of a live Crimson to make his return, only for him to disappear
immediately afterward and not show his face again. Any
guesses? Right. This guy. He's the Future? Prove
it, pal. Until you set yourself apart from the Victor Storms and
Kid X's, I don't see it appropriate for me to give you my time of
day. I'm quite content with having Electric Sharpe and Phillip
Tytan around as the future, thank you. Find a new bit, Manservant.
Elexia Croix-Fortune: B-
Fantastic. The only champion in the history of the highly unsuccessful
Women's Heavyweight division of yesteryear. Since then,
what exactly has she done for the greater good of the company?
Instigated a go-nowhere feud with James Tanner? Picked a losing
fight with Paul Spartan? Come to be the figurehead of Tha Dynasty
in Tonya Glory's absence? Take your pick, GZW. She can go in
the ring, she's got a cunning lost in nine out of ten female
"competitors", but yet, she remains forgettable. Hey, a
little cosmetic surgery would do no harm in getting her 'over' with the
fans of today...
Eclipse: B
It's my man! God, I created this kid, and he's eternally
grateful. Fantastic competitor. He's done so much, but
nothing bigger than being an original member of the legendary What Money Can Buy.
He and I, we should talk... Get the old band back together.
Sure, Syndicate Zero are the in-crowd this week, but just wait
until their hype fades. Then we'll have the second coming of
W.M.C.B. on our hands. Give it time...
Sean "Magic" Fiery: B
What was the best thing Sean Fiery did in the past year?
Dragging out a heatless feud with Nathan Williams? No.
Losing in the final of the Lord Of The Coliseum tournament?
No. Retiring? No, no... The best thing Sean
Fiery could do for the company this year was to use his name to
put over Justin Sharp on his way out. No disputing, nothing.
That was Fiery's retirement gift to the promotion that made him Magic.
He gave them the gift of an undisputed star to trek down the path he'd
been paving for the last four years and build on it. Of course, he
retired on a high note, proclaiming that he was more man than Justin
would ever be, because he didn't resort to cheating. But most
people had stopped listening at that stage. I know I had. In
conclusion, goodbye Sean. Enjoy the monotony of married
life. Just don't ever think about coming back, y'hear?
Kandi Fortune-Corbin: C-
So... What have we established since Kandi's return to the
ring? Let's see, where do we start? She can't beat Paul
Spartan. She can't manage to extract a decent match out of Joshua
Cleaver. That's about it. Really, Kandi at this stage is a
supporting actress to the overall drama of Tha Dynasty. Of course,
she's also playing wifey to the constantly inebriated James Corbin and
mother to probably the ugliest, most foul-mouthed baby in the history of
the world. Oh yeah, a real asset, this one...
Jay Jameson: C
Another occupant of the Waste Of Marketable Talent category.
unfortunately. The kid came in like a house of fire, rattling
cages all over the place. He even managed to worm his way into an
exclusive quarter-final spot in this year's Lord of the Coliseum
tournament just weeks after signing with the company - A feat previously
unheard of. This kid could really be something in not just the
GZW, but the CCW itself. He was just getting into a comfortable
position in the HKWF Hardcore division as well, but inconsistency and a
lack of commitment overtook the youngster. Until he can get his
head screwed on, continuing his IGW seasoning is the best thing for him
to do. He gets a C because the potential is there. If he
taps into it, he could be at A level six months from now. If he
can't, then who knows to which new low he'll sink?
"The Untouchable" Kaine: D
Stupid, stupid kid. He could've been so much more than a
DisOrder background player - He could've been Neophyte Of The
Year. Next to Electric Sharpe, this guy was my pick for breakout
star. Look at him now, though. Laying in a hospital bed for
injuries not even sustained in the wrestling ring. That just goes
to show you what kind of backup Andrew Excelsior and company
are. The kid gets a D, because there remains the slightest glimmer
of hope for him, should he come back from this injury and shed himself
of the DisOrder.
Kid Kaos: B+
Although not quite at Neophyte Of The Year standard, Kid Kaos is
among the top few competing in the company today. He's young,
quick, surprisingly strong, can certainly hold his own on the
mic... C'mon, he's the United States Heavyweight Champion, for
crying out loud! Perhaps more important, however, is his credibility
with you people. I can't honestly explain it, but the kid's got an
insane amount of drawing power for a relative rookie, which makes him
invaluable to have around should there be a need to put the main event
on autopilot for a while. He can hold his own in the ring and is
eclectic enough to adapt his style to pull off an entertaining match
with anyone from Nathan Williams to Electric Sharpe to John
Taylor. A key wrestler to the company, he's still on the rise.
Kid X: D
This guy's still around? His GZW career began with something
considerably less than a bang. From there, it sort of
fizzled. What is he, nine? Ten years old? Regardless, the youngest man on
the GZW roster likes to call himself "The Greatest Of All
Time". Real comedian, this kid. Anyway, his latest
career move is to join up with the rag-tag Syndicate Zero. Real
wise move, moron. Lowest rung on the food chain, here you
come. C'mon, what do you expect? Zander Frost, Eclipse and
Justin Sharp? Hell, even Bane outranks you. In my
universally admired opinion, the only thing that can help you now is a
complete makeover. At the age of twelve and a half, you're
finished before you even got started. Poor you.
Mychael Lord: C+
Mychael, Mychael, Mychael... When did it all turn so uneventful?
Wake up, son. You're an A+ standard competitor and you'd be lucky
to be put on TV once every three months. Fine, milk the HKWF
wallet for all it's got... But really, you could be doing so much
more. Look at you, you're one of, what, four 'good guys'
in the entire company! Take a look at who it is that's main
eventing - Taylor. Spartan. Pimp. Notice a
pattern?
THEY'RE ALL HEELS! It's a totally untapped market, kid, and
you're allowing it go to waste. C'mon, Mychael, you're clearly not
stupid. Take advantage, get in there. Don't allow someone
like *shudder* Victor Storm take the top face slot by a
technicality... This time, six months, I expect gold around your
waist and an 'A+' beside your name. Make it happen.
Edwin MacPhisto: D
"The Aussie Punk"... "Contender #27"...
"The Crocodile Hunter"
So much charisma oozes from this one man and his corked hat that it's
sometimes hard to keep track of what he's doing. I mean, one
minute he's doing nothing, at all, and the next he'll be off in
IGW, doing nothing, at all. Quite a guy, this Edwin.
A real value to the roster. The thing with him is,
though. He's actually not all bad. Yeah, he's an
awkward size in that he's caught somewhere between having the mystique
of a cruiserweight yet he lacks the actual power to be a dominating
all-rounder. He's above average in the ring, when he bothers to
show up. Where do I see him going? Does it even
matter? The unemployment line, IGW, SWA... The kid's got a
world of choice. It's up to him to explore it.
Mr. Klown: B-
Not a pleasant guy to watch in the ring. Not a pleasant guy to
watch, generally. A long-standing developmental talent for the
company, he's only recently received the big payoff, as it were,
in that he's been allowed to compete with the main roster. As
forced as his gimmick may be, this sicko is a worthwhile addition
to the Extreme division. I'd imagine he'll be a mainstay vying for
the strap, but I don't expect that he'll advance any further.
Still worth having around, though.
Manami
"Tokyo Rose" Naruse: NG
What's this? Another washed-up female? Jeez...
You would've thought that Spartan's destruction of Tonya Glory at
Fallout: Collision Course would've been enough to deter any
"Comeback Kim" hopefuls. What's this, six of them
now? A man hasn't room to breathe in these parts anymore...
At least give us something to look at, Department of Talent Relations.
"The Hindu" Odes: NG
Wait... Who?
"The Living Legend" Pimp Bizkit: A
Yes... The first 'A' grade. And it's no surprise,
really. Our new World Heavyweight Champion, Pimp Bizkit.
Some call him a scoundrel. A cheat. I call him a successful
businessman and the top dog in this company. There's no qualms
about it, he pinned Lord John Taylor in the middle of the ring at
Aftermath and joined the exclusive list of two-time World Heavyweight
Champions. Pimp Bizkit is consistent. Hard-working.
He's one of the top draws in the industry and certainly one of
GZW's crown jewels and most valued assets. He's been here since
day one and I know that he'll stick it out until the bitter end.
This man should've been the Lord Of The Coliseum. Were it not for
John Taylor's insatiable hunger to win through whatever dirty means
necessary, namely a pair of brass knuckles, he would never have beaten
Pimp at Crimson's "At Our Best". Regardless, last night
saw Pimp cinch the 2-1 advantage when it comes to singles matches with
the "Lord". It also saw the formative stages of what
could be the deadliest alliance since Bad Company when Sincere made his
triumphant return and made the right choice in siding with my Human
Miracle. Pimp, we'll talk during the week. The sky's the
limit for you. Don't let John Taylor or anyone else tell you
otherwise.
Red X: NG
Yawn.
Reject: C
One word describes the six-time HKWF Hardcore Champion:
Disappointment. I put so much into making Reject a star since the
restart, and look how I'm repaid. I give him a slot in the
Neophyte Of The Year tournament only for his preoccupation with that
waster Memph- I mean, Wylder, to get in the way and allow him be pinned
by the now obsolete Cursed Angel. I get him in contention for the
Extreme Title, he drops it on his first defence. To be frank, the
man is a wasted investment. Behind it all, he is a vagrant and a
sponge. He's dangerous to have around. He's moody.
He's volatile. He's selfish. Suffice to say, he takes from
the company more than he contributes to it. Look at the Extreme
match at Aftermath, for the love of God. This loon tried to kill
the company's two most prominent extreme combatants! As such I doubt his
contract will be intact six months from now. Enjoy what time you
have, Reject...
"The Dark Angel" Seven: C+
The hype surrounding this kid amazes me. What's it all
about? He's a big man in the mould of a Maxx Pain or
Gangzta. That shtick can only take a man so far. Sooner or
later, he'll have to drop the act - lose the hair dye, find somewhere
other than the bible to lift his catch phrases from and accept
the fact that he's NOT
the best - then he'll be workable. Marketable. There are a
million big guys dying to get the opportunities Seven has been handed
since the restart, sooner or later he's going to have to prove his
worth. A lesser publication last week pointed out the limits that
Seven has set for himself. How such a publication accessed my
personal notes remains a mystery to me, but it is true
nonetheless. Dark Angel, in order to truly set yourself apart from
the Career Killers of the past, it's up to you. The same
tiresome move list and formulaic, routine promos do nothing but hinder
your chance at being recognised as a deserving top-tier guy.
Realise that. Realised it? Good. Now do something
about it, before it's too late.
Justin Sharp: B+
If Aftermath 2K4 benefited one person in particular, it was this young
man. Going into the show facing Sean Fiery in his retirement
match, things could've gone a LOT differently. We all know
how selfish Magic is, or should I say 'was'... It wouldn't
be irrational to believe that the Desert Storm would have liked nothing
more than to retire whilst burying Mr. Sharp... Luckily, that was
not the case. Justin legitimately stole the show, as he's so often
touted to do, and he turned heads. He showed the world that he can
be as intense as anyone. He showed the world exactly how much he needed
to beat Fiery... What was it, four, five Hydras? If that's
what it took and if he was man enough to admit that, then power to
him. Not everyone is graced with such power as a Deacon Kane or a
Clancy McClean... Justin was realistic, he knew that one Hydra
wouldn't put the Forsaken One away, and so he did something about
it. He did something that barely a handful of workers on today's
roster have done - Beat Sean Fiery in singles competition.
Congratulations, Justin. You've earned your win and you've earned
your stripes. Whether he wanted to or not, Magic put you
over. Magic basically gave you his blessing to go after the big
one, to step it up a notch further. You've got a collect call from
destiny, my friend. Accept the charges!
"Buzzing" Electric Sharpe: A-
One word describes this man: Yes. No other word but the
expression of affirmation will suffice when describing my Neophyte Of
The Year. Electric Sharpe is the future of the company. I've
said it a thousand times and I'll say it once more: Electric Sharpe is
the future of this company. The kid is smart, capable and
charismatic. He's got all the makings of a soon-to-be
Champion. He's the number one contender, but his choice to remain
in the Extreme Division for the time being shows that he knows
he's got all the time in the world. Besides, who wouldn't
want to be recognised as a true diamond in the rough? He's
good enough to be competing with the Spartans and Taylors already.
Imagine what he'll be like a year from now. Scary, isn't it.
The only thing stopping me from giving this perfect specimen an 'A+' is
that I know that his best is yet to come. One of my picks
to go all the way in this year's Lord Of The Coliseum tournament.
Shine on, you crazy diamond!
"The First" Paul Spartan: A
Yeah, he was the first, but will he be the last? Is the Spartan
going to stick it out until the end? Frankly, I don't care.
The fact is, Paul Spartan is easily the most feared and respected
competitor working in GZW today. He's battled with the best of
them and is easily within the first two or three to be next inducted
into the long overdue Ring Of Honor. So what's he doing for the
company today? Not a whole lot, compared to what he's done in the
past, at least. He's the leader of the DisOrder, but so
what? Let's face it, they're going nowhere... Sabre and
Kaine are on the shelf. Seven is in a warped little world of his
own. Reject is... Well, the less said about that waste of
roster space, the better. Aside from that, he's carried the
W.C.E.K. Television Title since Fallout: Collision Course. Sure,
we know he's never been about titles, but this is going a little too
far. If he wanted to be, he could be contending for the World
Heavyweight Title at the drop of a hat, yet he chooses not to.
Rumours of a premature retirement are running rife, but should he stick
around, that spells bad news for the likes of John Taylor and Pimp
Bizkit. To put it simply, even without doing a whole lot, Spartan
is among the top few in the company. If he does decide to pick up
his game and leave Vyle and James Tanner to themselves, who knows
exactly how far he'll go? We could be looking at the first
three-time World Champion, buffoons...
Victor Storm: C-
What? You're seriously telling me that this guy is to
be the face of the future? "The New Risin' Star"?
The old one hasn't even risen yet, there's absolutely no
need for a second one! I have absolutely no time for this
kid. He's as bland as they come. Look at him. Really,
what's he trying to prove? Vic, nobody gives a rat's ass
about your dreams or your destiny. You're nothing, kid. Stop
wasting airtime by telling us all about your planned
'legacy'. Just get up and do something about it. You want to
impress me, your Philanthropist? Think about what you say and do before
you do them. Leave the clichés, they're of no benefit to your
cause. Storm, as I said to Mychael Lord, you babyfaces are a rare
breed in a landscape full of villains and tweeners. Forgetting
that you're as boring and uninspired as they come, there's an opening
for you. Get down on all fours and crawl through it before someone
else does.
James Tanner: C+
Oh, he's a bright spark alright. If I'd been paid to write this
column circa Fallout: Collision Course, you'd be reading an entirely
different story on this guy. He won the Contest Of Champions V
battle royale at the expense of such names as Monarch, Sabre, Taylor and
Pimp. He'd begun to get momentum behind him. He had a good
look and acceptable mic skills. He had so much going for him, and
a World title shot waiting for him. Going into F:CC, his touted
singles match with John Taylor could do nothing but good for him.
Unfortunately, Spartan's decimation of then World Champion, Tonya Glory,
beforehand, forced both Taylor/Tanner and Pimp/Glory to be merged into a
World Title triple threat match, and Tanner was exposed. He wasn't
ready for the big one, and because of that he really slipped a few
notches. Can he work himself back up? No, but management
can. For some reason, someone up there likes him. If he
plays his cards right, the year 2005 won't slip past him without at
least a taste of gold. Until then, I laugh at his naivety
and give him a C+. Pick it up, Des. Make it happen.
"Lone Gunman" Lord John Taylor: A
Well, well, well. What a difference a month makes, eh,
Johnny? On the first of December, you stood tall as CCW Unified
Heavyweight Champion. The first of January's a little
different, though. Isn't it? Where's all your gold, Lord
Taylor? You may be the Wrestler Of The Year and Lord Of The
Coliseum, but see what that's worth when you've got every single Heretic
gunning for you! You're a wanted man, Lone Gunman. Your
little acceptance speech at Aftermath seems to have awoken a sleeping
dragon... You got Sincere out of retirement! Let's
tally that up, now. Shall we? You've got Sincere, Pimp
Bizkit, Monarch, Phillip Tytan and Electric Sharpe all
wanting a piece of you. If your intention was setting an unholy
fire under three of the most prominent superstars of the past and two of
the future, then congratulations. You've achieved your
goal. Whether you look at it as five guys looking to rip you apart
or five possible rivals to feud with and make that name of yours that
little bit more well known is up to you. It doesn't have to be all
bad, it just depends on what you do with it... You could make a
career out of these five men and their wish to rid the GZW of you.
You'd be on easy street. Or, you could go straight back after your
precious Unified Heavyweight Title just to satisfy your thirst for
material glory, or you could do the smart thing and ride this wave of
Heretic animosity and really get yourself over. The choice
is yours, Jonathan.
"The Punisher" Phillip Tytan: B-
Did someone say future? Hello... This man is the
second coming of Deacon Kane and Nathan Williams in his prime, wrapped
into one tight package! The scary thing about Phillip Tytan is
that all of his actions thus far have been at a relaxed pace. What
do I mean by that? Until now, he's been hanging back.
Waiting in the wings. He's allowed his fellow Heretics hog the
spotlight, and he doesn't have a problem with it. He's a smart
guy, he knows that overthrowing Pimp Bizkit and company, all guns
blazing, will get him nowhere. He's just sitting back, waiting for
a clear coast to sail into. When that happens, he will be one of
the most dominant forces in the history of Combined Championship
Wrestling. He made a huge career move a couple of weeks ago when
he physically expelled Nathan Williams from the Heretics. Who
knows who'll be next to get the heave-ho? Such glimmers of what is
to come from this man, such as his star performance in the fifth Contest
Of Champions battle royale lead me to believe that the future is bright
for this Heretic...
Vyle: B
Another young man that did extremely well for himself at
Aftermath. A victory over Paul Spartan, in any surrounding, is
something notorious for taking days of planning, strategising and
training. Vyle, believing that ignorance is bliss, walked into the
Coliseum last night not just grossly under prepared for the
First, but with little to no interest in finding out what makes him
tick. For nine and a half workers out of ten, this method would be
suicide. In the Enclosed Steel Cage surrounding, Paul Spartan is,
quite literally, a caged animal. Vyle, however, having
worked his way up to number one contendership to the W.C.E.K. Television
strap over the last month or so, didn't let any of that get to
him. Surprisingly, it worked. He entered the cage and worked
his ass off. Blood and sweat flowed rampant as he waged war on a
relatively uninterested Bastard Son. Vyle, being under contract
less than two months, holds his first championship gold. If he can
screw his head on straight and start to focus on Ground Zero Wrestling,
then the belt will simply be a milestone along the path to much
greater things. If he can't? We're looking at a new edition
to the hot division of permanent midcarders, population: James
Tanner. Do the right thing, Vyle.
"The Real Deal" Jimmy Williams: C+
What's there to say? He's the number two contender to
Pimp Bizkit's World Heavyweight Championship. He's been in
veritable purgatory ever since Joshua Cleaver eliminated him from the
World Heavyweight title tournament back in the Summer. What's he
done since the restart? Made a new enemy in Electric Sharpe.
Fantastic, but Sharpe has outgrown him already. The Real Deal's very
brief run with the HKWF Hong Kong title last month provided a glimmer of
hope for what may be to come, but losing the belt straight away really
put a damper on the whole situation. As it stands, he's not doing
much. He beat Seven at Aftermath 2K4, but really that achieved
nothing. He's so close to a World title shot, but realistically we
all know that he won't get it for the foreseeable future, at least not
when there are Heretics both in possession of and vying for the
gold. Jimmy's best bet at this stage would be to either suck it up
and dive back into the Extreme Division and try to pick up where he and
Sharpe left off, or else to pack it in and move to Hong Kong.
There'll be work for him in Profit's promotion for as long as he wants
it. Which way will he go? I, for one, don't care.
Jimmy, I urge you to do something to make me care. Do something
that'll make the booking committee remember your damn name...
You're skating on thin ice, my fat-headed friend. If you don't
make some changes quick, don't be surprised if a crack appears under
your feet.
Nathan "T-Rex" Williams: D
I discussed earlier how certain workers managed to get a lot for
themselves out of Aftermath 2K4. The former Champion of the
People, however, left the Coliseum on the complete opposite end of the
spectrum. Here is a man that for years dominated the main event
scene, holding only the top titles in whatever promotion it was.
Aftermath was a disaster for him. Sure, he got the win over Kid
X... But really, when you're, what, 8'6, you'd think you'd want
something a little better than that from the Year-End-Spectacular.
The Heretics disowned him. Phillip Tytan lapped him and basically
overtook him. T-Rex has become surplus to requirement. He's
big and old. He's not as quick on his feet or as sharp on the mic
as he once was. Give Phillip Tytan three months and Rexxxy will be
obsolete altogether. Nice knowing you, Tyrannosaurus.
Well, folks. That settles it. Thirty-two workers, broken
down into their most basic forms and milked for the goo within.
This fine publication will undoubtedly raise eyebrows, turn heads and
that sort of thing. How will you react? I don't know.
I don't actually care, to be honest. All I care about is the fact
that as soon as I send this piece of writing into GZW2K1 Towers for
immediate publication, I'll be two million dollars richer. The
beauty of it all is that I don't have to write another one of these
babies for as long as I want. Of course, with that said, I might
have already started another edition and you just wouldn't
realise... But alas, I digress. I've been Clancy
McClean. I've been smarter, richer, better looking and more
respected than you all put together. I do hope you've learned
something today. Look for the next instalment of this wonderful
column sometime in the near future. Soak it all up while you still
can, scum of the earth. Goodbye.
Clancy
McClean. |
