Pick Up Lines
(Lick her sleeve) Well we better get you out of those wet clothes.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house
(wink) I'll do the rest.
Should I call you in the morning or just nudge you.
I'd buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the straw.
Could you step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice.
Well? Have you saved up enough to take me out yet?
If I were bread, would you be my butter?
I heard milk does a body good, but dang girl, how much have you been drinking?
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
You have a beautiful body. Will you hold that against me?
Why don't you step out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini?
Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?
One of us is thinking about sex. Okay, it's me.
I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you instead?
If I were God, all of my angels would look like you!
My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for a midnight mass?
Whoops. Sorry, I thought that was a braile nametag.
Should I break it to your friend that she's going home alone?
Is that a ladder up your stocking or a stairway to heaven?
Are you wearing lipstick? Can I taste it?
Do you like strawberries or blueberries better? I just want to know what to put in your pancakes in the morning.
Can I have a picture?......So I can show Santa EXACTLY what I want for Christmas.
(Tapping leg) You just think this is my leg.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I drive by again?
That outfit looks great on you. It would look even better rolled up in a ball on my bedroom floor.
Do you know what winks and makes love like a tiger? *WINK*
Stick with me baby and I'll buy you rocks as big as diamonds.
Walk up to a girl and say,"You know, this is a psychic watch, and right now it says that you aren't wearing any underwear.....Oops! Sorry, it's running an hour early again."
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock!
You'e been a naughty boy....go to my room!
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
I need a place to blot my lipstick. Can I use your lips?
"You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel."
"How about you, me, and privacy."
You look just like my third wife. Of course I've only been married twice...
Do you mind if I invade your personal space?
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
You baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.'
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Is it that cold out or are you smuggling tic-tac's?
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
I can't wait until tomorrow. She replys why not. You say cause you look better everyday.
Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
My pickup line was published on the Internet...Would you like to hear it?
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!!
Is your name Gillette?...because you're the best a man can get.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
Bond. James Bond.
If I pet you, would you follow me home?
I'm not wearing any pants.
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
I love the way you move...Like butter on a bald monkey.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Do you just wanna get naked?
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i swear I saw you checking out my package!'
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Do you wanna have kids with me??? No? Then do you just wanna practice?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" list!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Hey babe, wanna get lucky?
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Hi! Can I buy you a car?
I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
Hey baby...infect me!
Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Be unique and different, say yes.
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs
Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?
Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
I am a magical being, take off your bra.
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Show me your pussy!
Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming.
If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches.
I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
(silently mouth) I want a fig newton.
Do you wanna lick my tongue?
Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my dick, it's a gem.
Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out?
Tell me how my cum tastes.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you.
Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...
Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it".
love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under...
You -will- go home with me tonight
Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I?
(put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up) Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
I'm hard. You wet?
The Lord gave us the power to fuck. So, let's go have sex!
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin.
(Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Do you wanna go back to my place, fuck, then never speak again? I do.
Excuse me, do you have a band-aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
I hope you have a library card, because I am checking you out.
Your parents must be retarded, because you are special!
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