Tragedy
by Aeanagwen
Some say it's destiny
Whether triumph or tragedy
But I believe we cast our nets out on the sea
And nothing we gather
Comes for free
I remember them still. All of them, but two more than the others. Nakago. And Suboshi. Suboshi, who loved me. Suboshi, who gave his life for me. Was it his fate? It would be easier to believe that. But I can't. The gods are not to blame for his death. I am. His blood, and the blood of the others--all of it, on my hands. And have I paid them for that? No. I am happy now. Or am I? I never suffered for what they did for me. I should have tried harder. But I did not. And my guilt is the burden I must bear eternally. My penance. The price of my happiness.
I would have paid down through the years
A price beyond rubies, beyind tears
To keep you safe with me
But your suspicion and your fear
Your vow to let nobody near was your trinity
Such a tragedy
I never understood you. Yui-sama, my Yui-sama. But it didn't matter that I didn't understand you. I loved you. Always loved you. I would have given anything to keep you safe, to make you happy. But you never let me. You never trusted me. Only Nakago. He didn't love you, not like I did, but you always wanted to be with him. I hated him for that. There's no point to that anymore, no point to anything anymore. Because I failed you.
I drew the best hand you'd ever hold
Then cashed my winnings in long ago
Settled for silver, how could I know
You were waiting
With the gold
It was Tamahome I wanted. Tamahome I thought I loved. But he turned away from me for my best friend. And the love turned to hate. I didn't want them killed, no, I wanted something more cruel than that. I wanted them pulled apart, so they could never be together again. And then Nakago told me he loved me. I never really believed him. Nakago wasn't capable of the love he professed. But I wanted it, wanted it desperately. I never saw you. You, who were always waiting, always loving me. I was such a fool.
I could have caused your heart to yield
But it was only a disturbance in the field
Of your dreams
And I will never see you cry
You won't be with me when I die
A waste of you and me
A tragedy
I could have helped you. But I didn't try hard enough. I let the others use you, let Nakago manipulate you, just like he manipulated me. I was too weak to help you, too afraid to stand up to him. I know you must have cried sometimes. But I never saw your tears. You hid them from me, hid them from everyone. Trying to be strong. And this is how it ended. Killed by the man you loved. Dying, without you. Shame burning, hurting more than this wound ever could. It's so stupid. We could have been so much more. Yui-sama...
We took the wrong train to
Kingdom Come now
No more damage
Can be done baby
It's just what the world don't need
It's another stinkin' tragedy
It's over now. All over. They're all dead and gone. I did everything I could to condemn them. Damned them with my indifference. Most of them were so young. You and Amiboshi were my age. Soi wasn't even twenty, and Tomo barely older than Keisuke and Tetsuya. All of them, gone. I can't do anything more to them. I should be glad of that, I suppose. They're beyond my cursed reach. And I'm left alone.
That's how the story goes
Our chapter's coming to a close
We are history
But I will always think of you
Every day until my days are through
You made me believe
In tragedy
Was it all meant to be that way? Was I just a pawn, a peripheral
character in the Suzaku no miko's epic story? I shouldn't think things
like that. It's over. There's nothing I can do to change it.
Ashitare, Miboshi, Amiboshi, Tomo, Soi, Nakago... Suboshi...
All of you... I'll never see you again. Not like Tamahome.
I see him every other day, a living, breathing reminder of mistakes.
He always makes me think of you. Of my shichiseishi. Of all
of us. Of everything I did wrong. Of our tragedy.