He gazed down at her blue eyes, and gentle face, as he held her in his
arms, after saving her. There were brief words exchanged between the two.
His eyes were laced with tears, he had a gentle smile as he uttered,
“Aishiteru…” his last before he collapsed in the arms of his miko that he
loved very much, and died, a second time. Only this time he took someone
special with him.
Darkness, again engulfed him, and he accepted it, for this was not the
first time he had come this way. He shut his eyes, and sighed sadly. He
had left behind his miko, and killed his brother. He knew that this was the
only way for him to escape from all the misdeeds he had ever done. His eyes
remained shut, his head down, as he humbly descended into the next life. He
didn’t feel anything around him or inside him, except for a searing pain
that didn’t throb and was just dull. This was the feeling of guilt that he
had felt the first time. He knew it almost too well. He felt a single tear
slip from his left eye as he let Seiryuu take him to where he was destined
for: hell. He knew it was worthless to fight it at this point, the time to
fight this type of inevitable destiny was when you still had a fighting
chance at survival. He sighed, knowing that even if his brother were dead,
they two would never again he reunited, for his brother had a good heart and
wouldn’t have the same hellish bound destiny as he did. His heart felt
heavy, as if it were about to burst from this pain. He lifted his head to
meet with a light. He blinked in surprise, this wasn’t the light he had
seen the first time, this one was a warm, white one, that seemed to
welcoming him. It was different from the dim, dark flickering one that had
welcomed him last time. What was it, was it heaven, or was it the entrance
to the other world, what was it…
Suboshi blinked, biting his lower lip as he ascended toward the light.
Well, whatever this light was, it may be a better place to head. He sighed
a melancholy sigh as he closed his eyes again, feeling that same solitary
tear streak down his cheek. He didn’t bother to wipe it, for there would be
more, so why take away another, when there would be more to do the same to.
He looked up again to see he had entered the light that had once been in
front of him. He gazed around, drinking in his new surroundings. He had
only done so for a few minutes, before sinking to his knees onto the soft
ground of luscious green grass. He didn’t move his hands over the ground,
touching the grass, instead, his tears touch it.
For the first time since dying yet again, he let his mind wander,
contemplating the recent events. Finally, after that, he felt his body
shake, and found himself asking out loud, “Nan de? Nan de?” in a voice that
wasn’t so loud as it was despondent. He didn’t recognize it as his own.
Still he felt his tears streak his face, gently rolling down, only to fall
onto this new surface that he sat upon. Suddenly he felt a hand on his
face, wiping away the salty tears that rolled down. The hand was gentle,
the skin was soft, not a female’s, but certainly not of a male who did a lot
of work. There was a certain touch that this person had that caught
Suboshi’s attention. It felt like what he thought was Amiboshi’s, the touch
that he missed so much. But that would be unlikely, seeing how his brother
would never remember him now.
“Suboshi,” the person who owned the hand began in a soft voice, “why are you
crying?”
Suboshi gazed up only to believe that he was looking into a mirror for a
minute before his vision cleared and he realized that the person who was
kneeling in front of him was his oniisan whom he had feared he would never
see again. Suboshi’s expression changed from a straight, neutral
feelingless expression to an ecstatic shiawase grin. Even though he wore a
smile of pure happiness, the tears still streaked down from the outer
corners of his eyes. Only these ones weren’t the same, they were vivacious
ones. Suboshi felt like he almost had no voice as he spoke for the first
time since his last words to Yui, as he whispered, “A-aniki!” Suboshi
crawled over to where Amiboshi was kneeling. “You haven’t forgotten about
me have you?” he asked, as he brought his hand to meet Amiboshi’s, as if to
firmly establish that this wasn’t an illusion from desire or hallucinations.
“Shunkaku, I may have forgotten for a short time, but I remembered when you
came to me again.” Amiboshi replied softly, gazing back at Suboshi, holding
his brother’s hand. “I could never really forget you. Seiryuu wouldn’t let
me.” He sighed sadly, and in a regretful tone said, “So, this is the after
life, ne? Almost as great I as I expected.” He gave a weak smile.
“I…I don’t want to sound like I’m being selfish brat, but I’m kinda happy
that I’ve got you now. Being separated from you was painful beyond words
that one could use to express how they felt.” Suboshi said, his tone
melancholy as a single, solitary tear again escaped from his eye.
“I don’t mind.” Amiboshi replied, “I mean, I tried to get you to come back
with me that other time, so I’m just the same.” He smiled gently at his
younger brother who returned the same one. His tone then grew serious as he
asked, “Ne, Shunkaku, you just said you didn’t want to be separated, then
why…why back then.” As he asked this, in his memory a flashback occurred of
Suboshi holding him, as he, Amiboshi, handed Suboshi a sack and told him to
drink it. Suboshi took the sack and drank it, but didn’t swallow. He then
bent over Amiboshi and force-fed it back to him. Amiboshi then recalled
Suboshi saying something about wanting to not leave Yui-sama. Then the rest
was a blank as he, Amiboshi, fell unconscious. He tried to figure out what
else could have happened, but he kept drawing a blank. Finally after
waiting a few minutes he heard Suboshi sigh.
“Aniki, my reason for doing what I did was because the life you spoke of,
was suited for you, and not such a person as myself.” Suboshi explained,
“dakara, that’s why I did what I did.”
“Why wouldn’t it be suited for you?” Amiboshi pressed, his brow furrowed, as
his own blue eyes pierced his brother's blue ones. He noticed Suboshi
looking down from his gaze, as he sighed sadly and kept his own gaze
downcast from Amiboshi’s.
Suboshi then replied, “Dakedo…dakedo… I didn’t deserve to live in such a
paradise with my sins. I mean…I…” Suboshi trailed off, his eyes still not
meeting Amiboshi’s. He felt unworthy of his older brother at this time.
“Sins? What in the name of Seiryuu are you talking about? I too have made
such errors…demo…I don’t feel that way.” Amiboshi replied, he then
continued, “I wanted you to join me in Bokkan village because I didn’t want
you fighting for Kutou against Konan and my friends.”
Suboshi for the first time since he was reunited with Amiboshi looked up to
meet his brother’s gaze and responded, “Friends….those Suzaku Shichiseishi…”
he shuddered, “nan de?”
“Hai, Suzaku shichiseishi and Suzaku No Miko, Miaka-san are friends of mine.
I couldn’t bring myself to fight them, ever…” Amiboshi trailed off, his
gaze shifting to the side. His conscious felt heavy, as it were burdened
with guilt. He knew why he felt this way. ‘I don’t feel guilty for being
their friend, but rather for the pain I caused Miaka-san and the others. I
deserved what I had coming to me for what I did as an enemy. I wish I could
have changed my destiny….’ He didn’t look up at Suboshi, who’s own gaze was
studying Amiboshi’s eyes, which had a far away gaze in them.
Amiboshi shut his eyes, and like Suboshi, a single, solitary tear
trickled from his left eye, and streaked down his cheek, landing with almost
what seemed like a resounding splash upon the ground. Silence ringed and
echoed throughout the thick, misty air. It was also deafening. Such a
sound caused each twin to lower their gazes to the ground, and each grew
pensive for their own reasons. Neither broke the silence or attempted to
break it.
‘Aniki really is a gentle soul…anyone who would sacrifice the opportunity to
fight for their miko and future, and keep peace with enemies is truly a
deserving soul. They’re the ones that deserve the chance at redemption from
the hell, not ones like me…the cursed souls who are murderers of the
innocent!’ Suboshi thought bitterly, hugging himself, the same way he had
when he first felt the chi of Amiboshi vanish into thin air without notice.
He trembled. ‘Why did I have to listen to aniki and go ahead and break
Tenkou’s barrier…now I’m more than just a anonymous killer with no face, I’m
a bloody murderer!! I killed aniki!! My oniisan!’ Suboshi trembled more,
as he felt himself cry just a little. Because he was facing toward the
ground, his salty tears rather than streaking his face, just fell with an
echoing splat that told of his guilt.
Amiboshi just sat cross-legged. He no longer gazed down at the ground with
the burden of guilt settling upon his soul. His gaze rested on Suboshi.
Amiboshi wanted to interrupt his brother and comfort him, but he knew it
wasn’t wise to interfere, but he couldn’t take it; he felt what he thought
Suboshi was feeling. He longed to take his otouto in his arms and do what
he did in the past which was make him stop crying and tell what was wrong.
Amiboshi also realized that times had changed, really changed since then.
He sighed, feeling utterly helpless. ‘I can’t take this! I need to know
what’s bothering Shunkaku…even if I ask, he probably won’t tell, he was
being vague before. Demo…I need answers, I can’t live not knowing what
Shunkaku meant!’ Amiboshi thought stubbornly. He moved from his
cross-legged position and made his way over to Suboshi, and grabbed the
younger Seishi by the shoulders. Shaking Suboshi by the shoulders, Amiboshi
got his younger brother to finally look up at him. Then in a firm, stubborn
tone Amiboshi demanded, “Suboshi, tell me what is wrong! I want you to tell
me!” he kept his hold on Suboshi’s , and didn’t let go despite the fact
that the younger one tried to squirm from Amiboshi’s firm and tight grip.
His eyes remained steadied on his brother, and weren’t the gentle blue ones
they normally were. This time they were a firm, stone cold, unfeeling icy
blue.
Suboshi felt this tight grip that Amiboshi had on him. Suboshi’s eyes
widened. ‘This isn’t Aniki! It can’t be, he’s not this aggressive!’
Suboshi winced, ‘Kutare, it hurts, I wish he’d loosen the grip!’ he then
gazed up at his brother, and was taken off guard by the cold, unfeeling look
in his brother usually gentle blue eyes. Suboshi felt himself tremble under
his brother’s gaze. ‘No, no, Aniki he isn’t like that!!’
“SHIMATTA!! SUBOSHI ANSWER!!” Amiboshi exclaimed, his tone
uncharacteristic. It dripped with venom and contempt.
“HAAAI!!” Suboshi exclaimed in response, and proceed to exclaim in the same
venomous and contempt-full tone as Amiboshi, “I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WHAT I
DID!! I’M UNWORTHY OF BEING WITH YOU!! I DESERVED THIS LIFE IN HELL THAT
I’M BOUND FOR! IT’S THE ONLY DESTINY FOR A MURDERER! NOT ONLY DID I KILL
TOMO, BUT SUZAKU SHICHISEISHI TAMAHOME’S FAMILY!! AND PROBABLY YOU AS
WELL!!”
At this unexpected confession Amiboshi released Suboshi and fell back,
landing on a kneeling position that was closest to sitting. His gaze
shifted from the cold one it had been to a stunned one. Amiboshi shook his
head in disbelief. He moved his hands to cover his ears. “No, no! It
isn’t so! You…”
“Aniki…” Suboshi brought his hand, placing them on his brother shoulders.
“Don’t say anything Suboshi!”
“Demo…demo…”
“Shunkaku, there’s nothing you can say…” Amiboshi replied in a mechanical
tone, his gaze neutral, fixated on something past Suboshi.
Suboshi dropped his hands to his sides, and turned away from Amiboshi. He
took a couple of deep breath before tuning back to face Amiboshi. Then
Suboshi stated bluntly, “Koutoku, this is why I never wanted to tell you,
because I knew this would be your reaction. Demo, hear me out, onegai?”
Amiboshi said nothing. He knew it would be pointless to try and stop
Suboshi from protesting. However, Amiboshi felt he had nothing to say to
Suboshi. It hurt him deeply that the one that he was closest to had gone
out and murdered an innocent family who had done no wrong, and no reason in
the world would defend it. Amiboshi felt as if he no longer knew Suboshi,
the one he had been so connected with, both emotionally and spiritually. He
compared in his mind each of their actions. He denoted that his own were
far more noble and deserved not resounding guilt on his conscious.
Amiboshi sighed as he turned his back to Suboshi. ‘Gomen ne Shunkaku, but I
can’t live with you now, nor can I be with you, ever…you should understand.
I can’t live with you now that I know what you’ve done. It’s too much for
me to bear to know…you were right about one thing, I was better off not
knowing. Even if you lied to me instead of telling me the cold hard truth
I’d be more proud to call myself your oniisan, but…now I can’t even bring
myself to face you.’
Suboshi stared helpless at the back of his oniisan. He desperately wanted
to say something to him, but he knew too well that Amiboshi wouldn’t listen.
Suboshi sighed, feeling lonely like he had so many times before. He knew
this feeling too well. It became almost too much like a friend that was not
at all fickle. He shut his eyes, trying to hold back any emotion he felt.
It was becoming almost an inner battle to control his emotions right now.
He felt himself breathing hard, just like the time he felt the disappearance
of Amiboshi’s chi.
From Amiboshi’s form, a red light began to emit. He gasped, ‘This is the
light of Suzaku! Why would it be surrounding me if I’m one of Seiryuu’s
unless this is Mitsukake-san no chi! I’m not really dead am I…I must be
really injured!’ he gazed up to see a tunnel formed by a red light. ‘That
must be the way I came in…’ he felt his form being pulled toward the red
light.
Suboshi looked up to see the same red light as well. ‘Suzaku’s light! Nan
de?’ he gasped as he noticed it emitting from his oniisan. ‘Demo, nan de?
Why would a red light, the holy red light of Suzaku be emitting from aniki.
He’s after a Seiryuu Shichiseishi and a blue light is the only thing that’s
ever surrounded him like that…’ Suboshi thought as he observed this.
‘Matte!’ he then began to contemplate another possible reason once he felt
the hint of a second chi. ‘There’s a second chi, could it be…one of the
Suzaku Shichiseishi is saving aniki and bringing him back, giving him a
second chance!’ Suboshi thought, ecstatic. Suddenly he felt guilt free as
he watched Amiboshi disappearing into the red light, getting a second chance
at life.
Amiboshi didn’t look back. He sighed, and closed his eyes, ‘Arigatou
Mitsukake-san.’ Amiboshi felt strange for a minute, as if his mind were
opened. He blinked as he received it. ‘‘Aniki, my gentle kind-hearted
oniisan, sayanora! I’m happy for you, you’re deserving of this. Go, become
Kaika again, and I’ll be the oniisan now, and I’ll forever watch over you
from my spot here.’’ Amiboshi gasped, ‘Shunkaku he broke into my mind…but
how…we’ve never done anything in the way of telepathic communications
before! But why…why would he have…’ Amiboshi thought to himself. Then it
hit him, ‘Shunkaku doesn’t care about himself, he’d rather see me happy…is
that…’
Suboshi focused his chi completely, sending his thoughts to Amiboshi through
means of telepathy. ‘Aniki, please forgive, I did what I did because of
you. Why and why you ask, dakedo I wanted to see that your death or any
pain caused at the hands of the Suzaku Shichiseishi and Suzaku No Miko was
returned so they experienced the same. I didn’t do what I did out of
selfish desires, I did it to even the score.’
Amiboshi let him mind remain open. He then replied, ‘demo nan de Suboshi?
Why Tamahome-san’s family…he and the others did nothing to me! I let myself
fall into the river, they tried to save me, but I wouldn’t let them. I
experienced the same guilt you may be feeling.’
Suboshi blinked in complete surprise, closing the link between their minds.
‘He…he tried to kill himself…’ Suboshi sighed, wanting to know more.
‘Amiboshi, if you never wanted to separate then why did you try to kill your
self…’
‘Possibly the same why you did.’ Was the reply.
‘You…you knew?’
‘Hai, I felt you leave me and return.’
Suboshi then stood up and dashed over to the red light Amiboshi was slowly
willing himself to go into. Suboshi grabbed Amiboshi’s wrist… “Aniki…” he
broke off, pulling his brother into an embrace. As tears streaked his face,
he said, “I’m happy you got a second chance, you deserved it.”
Amiboshi hesitated for a moment before returning the embrace. ‘This is the
one who murdered Tamahome-san’s family, and Tomo…all for me…how can I be
unforgiving and cold toward him?’ Amiboshi took a moment before willing
himself to embrace his younger twin. He let his tears flow, and his last
words to Suboshi were, “Arigatou Suboshi.” Then the red light flashed,
engulfing Amiboshi into itself, sending him back to once again live and be
with the others.
Suboshi stood, looking in the direction that the red light faded to. Now he
was truly alone. Amiboshi had the second chance, and not because Seiryuu
was feeling compassionate, but rather because the Suzaku Shichiseishi were
kind enough to let him. Suboshi looked up at the sky, ‘Aniki, I’ll be
watching over you now. I’m the guardian of us. Nothing will happen to you
now that I’m watching over you, and not busy wallowing in self-pity over
what I did. Your forgiveness is all I needed to be motivated to be the one
that guards you. I’ll be the oniisan now, you just live your life.’
The same familiar darkness took over the plain now, making it the same dimly
lit place it was when he first came again. The white light was fading again
into the distance. Suboshi sighed sadly, not looking back over his
shoulder, letting himself go into the new world that he was familiar with,
‘Now it’s my turn to leave this half way point…’