It’s all I really feel, now, the only thing left in the emptiness that’s
used to be me… there’s hate, and a little shame, but mostly it’s love.
For her.
She’s a Miko. I think that she should be a god, though. A goddess. She
looks like one.
She doesn’t love me. That’s okay, there’s no reason for her to love me.
In fact, she should hate me, for all the awful things I’ve done. But she
doesn’t. So loving and caring. She should be a goddess.
I don’t want her to go back to her world. And I don’t want her to love
Nakago. I’m just being selfish… but I need her. I need her to be here,
because if she’s gone, I’d be alone again. When I’m alone, it’s bad. I’m
bad. I do bad things.
Aniki would be so ashamed…
He’s not here anymore. He’s the reason I was alone in the first place.
Before she came.
I really, really don’t want her to go. But I’ll help her, if she needs
it. Even if it means I’ll be alone, even if I’ll never see her again, I’m
going to do anything and everything she needs- or wants- me to do. I’ll
protect her. Even if it costs my own life, even if she never loves me…
Anything for her.
She loves Nakago. I don’t know why. Nakago is… with Soi. She should know
that. And he uses her. She should know that also. Even *I* know that! But
she doesn’t. Why?
It doesn’t matter, that’s okay too. Anything she doesn’t want to know,
she doesn’t have to know. I’ll still protect her.
Maybe she loves Nakago because he’s so powerful. I’m trying to get
better, so I can be powerful too. Another thing she doesn’t know. Still,
I’ll try harder. So maybe one day she’ll know, I can be as strong as
Nakago! And if not, well, I need to protect her. The more power I have,
the better I can do so. I’ve almost mastered Ryuuseisui.
I’ll never be good enough, though. She deserves far more than I can ever
offer her.
I can still try.
***
I failed her.
I was going to get rid of Suzaku no Miko. The brat had caused so much
trouble for her, and offing the odango haired girl was something I
could do.
But I failed. How?
How?
I know. It was that shichisei, Tamahome. I’d been meaning to kill him,
and with his powers sealed, it would be easy. I sent one end of the
Ryuuseisui after him, and he ran. Stupid. He thought he could out run
Ryuuseisui? He thought he could out run me?
I almost laughed as I made the “shooting-star spindle” go faster. Oh yes,
he would die. He would die for being stupid, he would die for stopping me
from taking that— thing, Suzaku no Miko, he would die for making me weak.
My rage was building. He would die for killing my Aniki!!
And then, it felt like everything came crashing to a halt. No, no, no! He
didn’t kill Aniki.
Aniki was alive. He was safe. The Suzaku side hadn’t killed him.
Something seemed to wake up in the back of my mind, slowly, sluggishly.
He hadn’t killed Aniki.
But I killed his family.
I killed…
…..!!
He wasn’t as stupid as I had assumed. He was running towards me,
Ryuuseisui following him. Oh, so he thinks he can turn my own weapon
against me!? Yea, right! I could stop the thing with just a mere thought.
Well, I’d show him…
No, I wouldn’t. He hadn’t killed my Aniki. But I, I had killed his
family.
I could feel… them. Holding me back from hurting their brother.
Their Aniki.
They weren’t really there. I knew it. And even if they where, I could
still stop Ryuuseisui from hitting me.
They where only in my head. I could stop it all. I didn’t have to let him
live, I didn’t have to…
It sliced through my body, just as easy as it had gone through theirs. It
would keep on going. Tamahome was right behind me.
I didn’t have to!
Ryuuseisui fell to the ground, covered in blood. My blood. The Suzaku
shichiseishi was still alive.
I failed her, I think.
I’m sorry. It doesn’t make up for anything, but I am. Those kids, I don’t
know their names. I’m sorry I killed them. It was very bad. Aniki would
be so ashamed.
And I failed her. I never did anything worthy for her. I love her, so
much, but I couldn’t protect her.
I’m sorry…
“…Yui-sama…”