| What did I do? |
| A question goes through me every single minute of that car ride. The words �What did I do?� pound my head until complete fustration. My mind is in a whirl as I try hard enough to answer my question. It is a silent ride in my car. I could hear the muffler back fires as I switch gears from first to second.
Fei, my girlfriend is sitting on the passenger side quite as a lonely night in Hawaii. The weather had February shower, but winter winds. Our windows were rolled up because the rain was blowing into us. The engine bellows out into the wet streets. Sitting in the heated car with nothing to say, just a question to answer. �What did I do?� Sitting comfortably in the inclined seats, we didn�t look at each other. I tried to remember what she wore that day. Wearing her white top, with a blue jeans skirt she walk to my car that morning. With a little black bag she carry to match her short flowing black hair, with bands of highlight streaks. Her Filipino skin was a tawny brown and her eyes were black as the midnight sky. I remember her nose was short and little wide, just like a rabbit. Her face was round with medium cheeks. Her smile radiates a white holy glow around her face. She wasn�t tall but not also short. She had a slim body, but well build because she ran in the track team in school. I am amaze on what she could do in school. She is in many different clubs and yet still handle a relationship. I am the pathetic one. I can�t even keep up with my grades just alone be in all the clubs. I should realize in the beginning that I was going to fail in my duties. I though I could be superman. Making everyone happy, especially me. Priorities were the main concern back then. But now, it�s only her. Only her is my only concern in my life. That same question was the answers to my concern at that time. �What did I do?� I try to remember what happen that morning as I turn on the music. �Want to listen to something?� I asked her. She looks at the stereo but look away out through the window. I popped in some Initial D sound tracks and put it on Love is in Danger. She always loves Initial D, but somehow it wasn�t affecting her. The though of her coming to the car just to know that we was going to play some Initial D today. I remember picking her up at the exact time, 11:00 P.M. I check my self is there a body odor or some stench that was left in my car from last night�s trip from the Chinese restaurant. Nothing, well at least it�s not my physical features that is bothering her, although I knew that she won�t always judge someone by physically. She is smart enough to not judge people at all, just only to decide on who is bad, and who is good. I was just wearing long khaki pants, with a white shirt. I had a black over shirt covering my cold body. I felt so cold that time. My hair was sysmetrically combed left to right. I look older than I am really am, maybe because all of the stress I am getting from school. Picking her up at 10:00 A.M. was our sceheduel time. She was late when she came out of her house at 10:43 A.M. I wasn�t mad about that part. I gave a single rose to remember the day. She didn�t seem so excited about, she would normally comment about the roses and asked if I got it from my mom�s garden. I would answer that I got it from my own special garden for her. That would make her laugh because it was corny. It seems she didn�t have any soul, she doesn�t seem that she was her at all. We went to the local mall, I didn�t plan on that day. I just wanted to go out so it was a last minute call. It was spontaneous, this is the only time I did that. The only time I call late. Then it hit me, is it that what I did? Did I interrupt her day of relaxing with out me? I did ask if she was doing anything today and she did say is going to do nothing much, although I could not give up the feeling that there is something I did to upset her. She was quite the whole trip to the mall, just staring at the sky and back at me. We got to the mall, and I tried to hold her hand. It felt cold, it felt like she doesn�t want to remember me. It felt she doesn�t want me, it felt that it was all my fault. The movie theater was cold, very cold. I put my jacket around her to keep her a warm. She thank me and resume watching the movie. It was comedy flick, something to entertain us because of the long week we had. It was the end of the quarter at our school, and projects and test was the deal of it. Every weekend we would just relax and have fun. Today though, she have been out of it, she seems shes not relaxing at all. We bail out of the movie theaters, it got boring and I want to see her smile again. She hasn�t smile for the whole time and I am getting worried about her. We walk around the mall to the different shops, maybe they could help me. Luckly for me we spot our friends together. Dante and Anna was on date as we pass them. We went with them to the different shops. Well me and Dante just talk as the girls go off into the shop. We sat tirly down as we talk about cars and games. �Yeah so Travis got the 300ZX that way. You don�t sound your usual self man, what�s up?� curiously ask Dante. �I dunno, it just�� I think for a bit to reword myself. �She isn�t acting her usual self. Do you ever had times like that?� �Yeah it usually happen when I did something wrong. Like I got the wrong thing for and stuff like or like when I turn on my CD player or T.V. when we were supposely talking.� He quoted with his hands when he said supposely talking. |
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