dpart

Duo�s Party
By US
The much demanded �Duo�s Party� is here!!
The setting is an apartment house. It is sparkling clean except for a can of soda on the table and the table is set. Duo walks in the room and grabs the soda can.
Duo- �Reading� the can label. �Your party guests will be here any minute. I�m at work and I won�t be home until very late. All the food is in the fridge just eat it. Try to keep the house clean because I�m having company when I come home. Hope to see you soon! I love you! Hugs and kisses, Mom.� Duo opens the refrigerator and puts the can on the shelf. Just then, the doorbell rings. Duo runs over and opens the door to see Wufei standing there with a sleeping bag and a perfectly wrapped package in his hand. His parents wave and then leave.
Wufei- Happy birthday Duo!
Duo- Thanks! Duo takes the sleeping bag from Wufei and carefully places it in a closet nearby. He then places the present next to it. Come in! Just don�t make a mess or my mom will get mad at me.
Wufei- Where�s your mom?
Duo- She�s at work.
Wufei- But she�ll be here tomorrow, right?
Duo- Um�He pauses. Who knows. She didn�t say anything about tomorrow in her note.
Wufei- You read?
Duo- Yeah! My mom taught me!
Wufei- When?
Duo- Yesterday! Before Wufei can say anything else, the doorbell rings again. Duo opens it and Trowa is standing there with his mother behind him.
Trowa Mom- Have a nice time, Trowa! Happy birthday, Duo! Trowa Mom turns and leaves.
Wufei- What did Trowa�s mom say?
Duo- She said she had to go. Duo takes Trowa�s sleeping bag and present and puts them neatly in the closet next to Wufei�s stuff. We just have to wait for Quatre and Heero to come! In the meantime, don�t mess anything up cause my mom will get mad at me! Trowa raises an eyebrow and Wufei shrugs. The doorbell rings and Duo opens it. Standing there is Quatre with his mom behind him.
Quatre Mom- Happy birthday! She looks around. What a nice, clean apartment you have!
Duo- Thanks! Me and my mom cleaned it for my party.
Quatre Mom- Yes, I wanted to meet with your mom.
Duo- Um�she�s at work.
Quatre Mom- When will she get home?
Duo- Not till after my bedtime.
Quatre Mom- Okay, you tell her to call me. Quatre Mom pulls out a little helicopter type thing and jumps out an open window. She flies back home.
Quatre- Bye Mom! He turns to Duo. Happy birthday Duo! You�re now as old as us and not a little kid anymore! Congratulations on your wonderful accomplishment!
Duo- Thank you! He takes Quatre�s stuff and puts it in the closet.
Wufei- Whispering to Quatre. Did you rehearse that? Quatre nods. The four then wait.
Duo- Heero�s gonna make a very big mess! My mom will be so mad at me! He starts sniffling.
Quatre- Don�t cry, Duo! All we have to do is open the skylight!
Duo- I don�t HAVE a skylight.
Quatre- Oh, okay. Suddenly, the doorbell rings again.
Wufei- Heero?! Ringing the doorbell?! This is unheard of! Duo braces himself and opens the door. No one is standing there. All of a sudden, three little hooker thingys for rope guns come over the balcony and Heero, Heero Dad and Heero Mom come climbing up.
Heero Dad- Son, your mission is to have a good time at this party, not to kill anyone�without us�not to beat anyone up, not to leave and anything else that we forgot to mention that you shouldn�t do at a party.
Heero- Mission accepted. And your mission�is to leave.
Heero Mom- Mission accepted. They climb down the rope.
Duo- Thanks Heero for not making a mess! Heero raises an eyebrow and looks at the other three who just shrug. Duo leads them all into the kitchen. Okay, we�re going to play a game but we have to clean up after and not make TOO big of a mess! He goes into the pantry and returns with about a bazillion little container thingys of tinfoil. First we play with tinfoil!
Quatre- Amazed as if he�s never seen so much tinfoil in one place before. Where�d you get all this tinfoil, Duo?
Duo- I saw a sign that said, �Duo, please take this tinfoil cause you�re mom has already paid for it and it�s for your party�.
Quatre- Cool! I wish I could see signs like that! Quatre smiles cause he thinks Duo can read. Trowa slaps his forehead cause he knows Duo can�t read. Wufei nods his head cause he was told Duo could read but he doesn�t really believe him. Heero stares straight ahead and his expression doesn�t change because he couldn�t care less about Duo�s reading abilities.
Duo- Okay! Let�s get started. I�m going to make my mom! He starts molding a tinfoil woman. Everyone stares at each other and shrugs.
Wufei- Why bother with a woman when you could make SHANG? He starts making Shang.
Quatre- Um�it started as a snowman but the pieces wouldn�t stay together so now all I have is a couple of spare pieces. I guess it could be a trash heap.
Heero- I�ve made a gun. Pretends to shoot Shang with his tinfoil gun.
Wufei- Hey! Don�t do that!
Heero- I can do whatever I want. He tosses the tinfoil gun behind him, pulls out his real gun and blasts Shang to smithereens.
Wufei- SHANG! You big meany! He starts crying. Heero chuckles evilly to himself. Both of which look really cute.
Quatre- We shouldn�t be fighting at all! He starts comforting Wufei from three feet away.
Duo- So�um�is anyone ACTUALLY having fun?
Heero- I�ve never heard of this word �fun�.
Quatre- Trying to be polite. Um�kind of.
Trowa- I�ve had more fun before but it�s not that bad.
Wufei- Wiping his eyes. NO!
Duo- Great. Now Wufei�s grumpy.
Wufei- Don�t make fun of me! I hate you all! He hugs his knees and looks really cute as usual.
Duo- So what do you all want to do? All of a sudden, the phone rings. The five stare at the phone as it rings again. What am I supposed to do?! Quick! He runs over and stands next to the phone jumping up and down and staring at it.
Trowa- Pick it up!
Quatre- Pick�it�up! AHA!! It works just like my cell phone! Duo picks up the receiver.
Duo- Hello?
Voice on telephone- Hi? Is this Duo?!
Duo- Oh hi Hilde!
Hilde on telephone- My mom said I could come but she didn�t want me there with only boys.
Duo- Uh�okay. Do you know any girls that could come?
Hilde on telephone- Um�I was thinking Relina, Catherine, Sally and Dorothy.
Wufei- NOT SALLY!
Duo- They can come as long as they don�t make a mess.
Hilde on telephone- Okay! I�ll be over there in a couple minutes! Suddenly the doorbell rings. Duo opens it and Dorothy and her Grand Grand Grandfather are standing there.
Grand Grand Grandfather- You have a good time, Dorothy! I�m up to space!
Dorothy- Have a good time Grand Grand Grandfather! Grand Grand Grandfather leaves.
Duo- How�d you get here so fast?!
Dorothy- My apartment is right next door! She walks in and shuts the door behind her. Duo puts her stuff in the closet.
Duo- How come I didn�t know all this time?
Dorothy- I don�t know.
Duo- How did you figure this out?
Dorothy- I�m special.
Duo- Yeah right!
Dorothy- I am!
Duo- Suuuuuuure!
Dorothy- Really!
Duo- How?
Dorothy- I have REALLY long hair!
Duo- So? I do too!
Dorothy- But mine is OUT!
Duo- And mine is IN!
Dorothy- Shut-up!
Duo- You!
Quatre- TOO MANY �D�S!!
Duo- You�re just jealous because no one else here has a name that begins with a �Q�. In fact, I don�t think ANY name begins with a �Q�.
Quatre- Mine does!
Duo- DUH! Just then, the doorbell rings again and Catherine and Catherine Mom are standing there.
Catherine Mom- Stupidly. Now Catherine, eye no you will have a good time hear at this party!
Catherine- Thanks mom! Catherine Mom leaves.
Duo- Not Catherine! Why�d you have to go and arrive when you were SUPPOSED to be Hilde?!
Catherine- I�m sorry cause I�m a clown.
Everyone- NOT THIS AGAIN!! Duo puts HER stuff away. The doorbell rings and Relina and Relina Dad are standing there.
Relina Dad- Now Relina. I�m off to space with Grand Grand Grandfather. I do hope that I don�t die!
Relina- Good luck father. Relina Dad leaves.
Dorothy- Miss Relina! She bows and starts kissing Relina�s feet.
Relina- Oh! Stop! She looks around. HEERO! She jumps on top of him. Duo puts her stuff in the closet. Relina rests her head in Heero�s lap and looks up at him. Hello Heero. Are you happy to see me? Heero shakes his head. That�s okay because I�m on your side now.
Heero- And?
Relina- Oh, I think that total pacifism is a wonderful idea!
Quatre- What�s pacifism mean?
Relina- Look it up!
Me- Now you know why Quatre is such a pacifist.
Other Me- How? How does him looking up �pacifism� have anything to do with him being a pacifist?
Me- Because he was so determined to look of �pacifism� that he decided to become one!
Other Me- Um�okay. Good thing you told us or we wouldn�t have figured it out.
Duo- Excuse me! This is MY party!
Me- Sorry.
Other Me- Yeah. Sorry.
Duo- I don�t want to hear another word from you two from now on!
Me- Okay.
Other Me- Okay.
Duo- All right. So we just have to wait for Hilde and Sally to arrive�
Wufei- Um�my mom just called! It�s an unexpected Mulan Time! I have to go!
Quatre- You�re going to leave just because of a couple girls? That�s not very nice you know.
Wufei- Sally is no girl! She�s a monster! He opens the door but Sally is standing there. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Sally- My little popcorn kernel!! She picks him up and brings him back into the apartment. Sally Mom sticks her head in the door.
Sally Mom- Oh, that must be the ADORABLE little boy you told me about! I do hope that you baby-sit him sometime because I really want to get to know him better! She smiles at Wufei.
Wufei- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Sally Mom leaves. Duo puts her stuff in the closet that is getting slightly crowded. He turns around and puts his hands on his hips.
Duo- Where�s Hilde?! She said she�d be here!
Heero- Get away from me! He pushes Relina away.
Quatre- GASP! He used an explanation point!
Heero- Whoops. No I didn�t.
Duo- YES YOU DID!! WE SAW IT!!
Heero- No I didn�t.
Duo- Whatever! Let�s just get to the party! Okay, we�re gonna wait for Hilde to come then we�ll start doing stuff. They all sit and wait for Hilde. (Actually, Wufei was occasionally breaking free and then everyone had to go and search for him.) Where�s Hilde?!
Quatre- I�m sure she has a very good reason for not being here. Don�t worry. They all wait a little longer. Could I have a dictionary so I can look up �pacifism� so I could do something while we�re waiting?
Duo- Um�
Quatre- You said you had a really big library! Where is it? I�m sure the dictionary will be there!
Duo- Uh�it burnt down. Please don�t talk about it. It makes be very sad cause four of my dads died in the terrible accident! He starts fake crying.
Quatre- Oh I�m sorry Duo!
Duo- Oh I�m so VERY sad! Perhaps a little money would make me feel better?
Quatre- Uh�I don�t think so�
Duo- Oh BOO-HOO!! Just then, Hilde opens the door with Hilde Mom behind her. Duo immediately stops crying. Hi Hilde!
Hilde- Hi Duo!
Hilde Mom- Remember Hilde, we�re counting on you to cause mischief!
Duo- No! She can�t cause mischief! It will make a mess! My mom will be so mad at me!
Hilde- What are you talking about? Quatre, why have you dyed your hair and what have you done with Duo?!
Quatre- I�m over here and I would NEVER dye my hair!
Duo- How DARE you compare me with Quatre! Duo, Hilde and Hilde Mom laugh.
Hilde Mom- Okay, I have to go now. I�ll pick you up tomorrow! Hilde Mom throws Hilde�s stuff in the apartment and runs out the door excitedly.
Hilde- Calling out the door. Remember mom, you promised you wouldn�t play that new Nintendo game until I got home! Hilde Mom stops and snaps her fingers. She walks down the hall. Hilde shuts the door. Now let�s do something REALLY fun!
Duo- Um�what do you want to do?
Hilde- I don�t know! Something FUN!
Duo- Like WHAT?!
Quatre- I feel not included. He picks up a book. Is this a dictionary? Trowa nods. Okay. �Pacifism� begins with a �P��He opens up the cover and turns each page one at a time.
Trowa- That will take a little while.
Quatre- That�will�take�a�little�while!!
Trowa- Let me do it.
Quatre- Let�me�do�it�NO! I want to do it!
Trowa- Let me show you how to.
Quatre- Let�me�show�you�how�to�NO! I want to do it! I don�t care how much you beg! He hugs the dictionary and runs into the corner. He sits there for a minute. How do I spell �pacifism� anyway?! Everyone ignores him as he goes back to his search. Joy: A� feeling� of� great� pleasure. PACIFISM!!
Relina- No, that�s not the meaning of �pacifism�.
Quatre- Couldn�t you just TELL me the meaning?
Relina- No! I want to make your life more difficult!
Duo- Clearing his throat. ANYWAY�All of a sudden, these little police officer guys knock down Duo�s door.
This Little Police Officer Guy- Is there a Relina Peacecraft here?!
That Little Police Officer Guy- And a Dorothy Catalonia?!
Relina- That�s me.
Dorothy- And me.
This Little Police Officer Guy- We�re sorry to be the ones that have to tell you that Grand Grand Grandfather and Relina Dad have been murdered.
Relina and Dorothy- NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Relina- Father!
Dorothy- GRAND GRAND GRANDFATHER!! They run out of the room crying. These little police officers follow them.
Duo- LOOK AT THIS HUGE MESS!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!! He starts attempting to pick up the mess.
Hilde- Um�Duo�what�s wrong?
Duo- THIS MESS!!
Hilde- What about it?
Duo- IT�S HERE AND IT SHOULDN�T BE!! All of a sudden, there is a honking outside.
Voice from outside- Catherine! We have a show that we MUST go two! Eye forgot all about it when you went two the party! We have two bee their at ate!
Catherine- I have to go now because I�m a clown! She jumps out the window, shattering the glass, and she lands in a pool of water. She gets in the miniature car and drives away.
Quatre- Love: an� affec�tion�ate� feeling. PACIFISM?!
Duo- AHHHHHHHHH!! THE WINDOW!!
Hilde- What are you so worked up about?!
Duo- MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME!!
Hilde- How about we open presents? Will THAT cheer you up?!
Duo- Probably. They all go into the other room. Who�s first?
Hilde- ME! Open mine first!! Duo opens Hilde�s present.
Duo- OH MY GOD!! IT�S ARMY ADULT�S WHIP!!
Hilde- It felt only right.
Duo- SPANK YOU!!
Hilde- SPANK WELCOME!! They laugh.
Duo- Holding out his hands to Trowa. GIMME! Trowa hands Duo the present. He unwraps it to reveal a chalkboard and some chalk. Um�I don�t want this. Trowa shrugs. Okay, who�s next?!
Sally- Open me and my little glue bottle�s presents!!
Wufei- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Duo- Okay! He opens Wufei�s to reveal a Mulan action figure. Uh�what�s this?
Wufei- It�s a Mulan action figure. I got it for my birthday a while ago but I already have that one.
Duo- Uh�okay. He opens Sally�s present to reveal hair care items. What are these?!
Sally- Well, you seem to like your hair a lot so�
Duo- SCISSORS?! Are you suggesting that I CUT my hair?!
Sally- No, that�s just part of the kit.
Duo- Whatever! He takes Heero�s present and, of course, it was a gun. Ha-HA! Now I can shoot anyone I want!
Wufei- Can I borrow that gun?
Duo- Why?
Wufei- I want to kill Sally. I want to blow her to smithereens. I want to continuously shoot her until she can no longer breath. I want her to be a mutilated mess when I am finished with her. I want her to perish. I never want to look are her ugly face and her stupid hair ever again. Duo stares at Wufei with wide eyes, occasionally blinking.
Duo- Um�maybe I should just hold onto it. He looks around. Who�s last?!
Quatre- MAMMOTH: AN� EXTINCT� ELE�PHANT� OF THE� GEN�US!! PACIFISM!!
Duo- Yes, that�s VERY nice Quatre! Where�s my present?
Quatre- MONKEY: A VERY SILLY� ANIMAL!! PACIFISM!!
Duo- Um�okay. He goes over to the closet and retrieves Quatre�s present, which is a radio. Whatever. Let�s go eat cake!
Quatre- PACIFISM: THE �BELIEF THAT� DISPUTES� BETWEEN� NATIOINS SHOULD AND CAN BE� SETTLED� PEACEFULLY!! PACIFISM!! He thinks for a minute. What�s that mean? Duo takes them into the kitchen.
Duo- Okay, don�t make a mess. He goes over to the refrigerator and pulls out a giant cake that says �Happy 50th Anniversary Bob and Zoot� on it.
Sally- Uh�are you sure this is the right cake?
Duo- Yes I�m sure! He takes out a match and lights it. He starts lighting the candles. When he goes to light the candles in the back, his sleeve catches on fire. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! OW OW OW OW OW OW!!
Quatre- DUO�S GONNA DIE!! AHHHHHHH!! He starts crying.
Hilde- STOP, DROP AND ROLL!! STOP, DROP AND ROLL!!
Sally- GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!
Wufei- WHAT�S A FIRE EXTINGUISHER?!
Heero- He starts smirking. Heh-heh-heh. He then chuckles cruelly at Duo�s expense as Trowa goes over and tries to reach the faucet. He laughs harder and harder until he is cackling like a weasel much like Quatre. He then starts rolling around on the ground laughing with tears in his eyes. Sally had finally dumped a bucket of water on Duo and he was out.
Sally- Heero, why didn�t you help?
Heero- Because I was trying to be evil and diabolical.
Sally- You were? I thought you were laughing at some funny joke.
Heero- Voice starting to get high. I was trying to look threatening.
Sally- I�m sorry to tell you this but you NEVER look threatening!
Heero- Looking as though he�s holding back tears. I don�t?
Sally- No, you�re just too cute. Not as cute as my little telephone operator though!!
Heero- You lie!!
Sally- No, he IS a lot cuter.
Heero- I WASN�T TALKING ABOUT THAT!! I DON�T WANT TO BE CUTE!! I WANT TO BE THREATENING!!
Sally- Every kid wants to be cute! I know you do!
Heero- NO I DON�T!! He stomps his foot and collapses on the floor in tears. Everyone stares at him for a minute, a little surprised. I�M EVIL! I�M THREATENING!! I�M BAD!!
Sally- Smiling. And very cute.
Heero- NO!! He gets up and runs out of the room crying. There is a long pause while everyone just stares at each other.
Trowa- Is anyone gonna break the silence?
Duo- Sally, you fag! You made Heero cry!
Wufei- But�Heero NEVER cries!
Hilde- I can�t believe she made Heero cry!
Quatre- Don�t you guys feel bad for him? Everyone stares at Quatre. Well I do because I believe in total pacifism!! He chases after Heero.
IN SOME OTHER ROOM!!
Voice from the corner trying to sound monotone but failing- STOP or I�ll shoot you! Wait, no, that�s not right. Okay�Stop OR I�ll shoot you!! Uh�Stop or I�ll SHOOT you! No�Stop or I�ll shoot YOU!!
Quatre- Uh�is that you Heero?
Voice from the corner trying to sound monotone but failing- What are you�the um�police officers? No�the�XYZ?!
Quatre- Um�okay.
Heero- Coming out of the corner with a gun in his hand held the wrong way and his whole body is shaking. Stop or I�LL shoot YOU!!
Quatre- But we shouldn�t be fighting at all!
Heero- What I say goes�He drops his gun and stares at it. OH I CAN�T STAND IT!! He has stopped trying to sound monotone. I�VE NEVER CRIED BEFORE AND IT�S FREAKING ME OUT!! He runs over to Quatre and hugs him and starts crying hysterically.
Quatre- Uh�it�s not that big of a deal�
Heero- YES IT IS!! WHAT IF MY PARENTS FIND OUT?!
Quatre- It shouldn�t matter because they should know because you are all that you can be!!
Heero- But I don�t LIKE it!
Quatre- That�s okay.
Heero- But Quatre�they�ll�they�ll�they�ll KILL me!!
Quatre- Smiling. I don�t think your parents will kill you.
Heero- Yes they will!! Heero stands up straight and wipes his eyes. You don�t know my parents!
Quatre- Yes I do and they wouldn�t kill�oh�actually�
Heero- I DON�T WANNA DIE, QUATRE!! He starts crying again. All of a sudden, Duo walks out.
Duo- Heero, you�re ruining your birthday party! Shut-up and eat your cake!!
Heero- Well�get me some or I�ll shoot�YOU!!
Duo- Whatever.
Heero- No, you�re supposed to be scared!!
Duo- You sound a little too nervous for me to be scared.
Quatre- DUO! This is a CARING moment! Make Heero feel BETTER not WORSE!
Duo- Uh�whatever. Boy am I scared. He turns and leaves.
Quatre- See? You scared him out of his wits! Heero has the sudden urge to smile. And he does. Quatre and Heero both re-enter the kitchen where the other guests are sitting at the table eating cake. They�re all chewing silently as they watch Heero and Quatre take their seats. Everyone eats their cake in silence.
Duo- Okay, now we�re gonna play a game!! I�ve got a pi�ata.
Hilde- Can I go first?!
Quatre- Um�Duo? Do you really think that�s a good idea?
Duo- What? Hilde going first?! I agree! I should go first!
Wufei- Don�t you remember last time?!
Quatre- Yeah! You were hit REALLY hard.
Heero- Yes, that WAS me! Ha HA ha ha HA!
Duo- Heero, just SHUT-UP!!
Wufei- Heero�s losing his touch.
Sally- Okay! Where�s the pi�ata?
Duo- I�ll get it!!
Quatre- Duo! You can�t use the pi�ata!
Duo- WHY?!
Quatre- Cause you�ll get the forgetting thingy again!!
Duo- Um�okaaaaaaaaaay�He goes into the closet and retrieves the pi�ata. It of course is Door shaped. I�m first!! Sally ties a blindfold around Duo�s eyes and he takes mad swings at it. Everyone stands far away.
Sally- Okay! You�ve had your turn! She plucks the baseball bat out of Duo�s hand and takes the blindfold off.
Duo- I wanna go again!
Sally- After everyone else! Who�s next?
Quatre- Me! I want to go next!
Duo- You�re ruining my birthday!
Sally- Calm down!! She puts the blindfold on Quatre. He hits the pi�ata and it makes little �pint� sounds and barely makes it swing back and forth at all. Um�who�s next?
Hilde- Me!! I�m next!! Hilde grabs the bat and swings at the pi�ata before Sally can blindfold her.
Sally- HEY!! You�re CHEATING!!
Hilde- It will go FASTER this way!
Duo- YEAH!! Picks up his new gun from Heero and starts shooting at the pi�ata. It explodes two seconds later.
Everyone- YAY!! They all dive for the expected candy only to find nothing among the pieces of paper and cardboard.
Wufei- Duo, didn�t you fill up the pi�ata?
Duo- You mean it doesn�t come with the candy already in it?
Wufei- No.
Duo- Well I should ask for my money back! Or�my MOM�S money back. She paid for it, I only picked it up.
Heero- My pi�ata was empty when we got it.
Duo- Well, my mom told me that it would be already full when I got it!
Trowa- When did your mom tell you this?
Duo- Trowa STOP! You�re ruining my birthday!!
Trowa- What did I do?
Duo- Pretending to be sad. Trowa stop or I�ll break your chalkboard again! Trowa didn�t write another thing. Duo grabs his chalkboard and breaks it over his knee anyway. Sorry. Once I bring it up, it stays in my mind until I do it. You can have the one you gave me though. Trowa walks angrily over toward Duo�s new chalkboard and picks it up.
Quatre- Stop! We shouldn�t be fighting at all!
Sally- Looking at the clock. Oh DEAR!! It�s 10:00!! It�s time for you guys to go to bed because you�re gonna be really cranky in the morning!!
Duo- No, my mom said we could go to bed whenever we wanted to because it was a special occasion.
Sally- I don�t believe you and since I�m the oldest AND in charge, I say you have to go to bed NOW!
Duo- But it�s MY birthday!
Sally- Even birthday boys have to go to bed SOMETIME!!
Duo- You�re ruining my birthday!
Sally- I�m sorry but I�m the babysitter!
Duo- You�re ruining my birthday!
Sally- Duo�stop! You�re worse than my little button!
Wufei- LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Hilde- Sally! You�re ruining Duo�s birthday!
Quatre- Stop, we shouldn�t be fighting at all!
Heero- I�m not GOING to bed? No, wait�I�m not going TO bed! Or is it� I�m�
Sally- See, look how tired you all are!!
Duo- Sally, I�m not inviting you to my birthday NEXT year!
Wufei- Why�d you invite her THIS year?!
Duo- I DIDN�T!! Sally! You�re an uninvited guest!! LEAVE!! My mom doesn�t like uninvited people in her house! Now hurry, leave before she gets home and calls the police!!
Sally- I�m sure your mom is HAPPY that someone old and mature is here watching everyone on your birthday!! Where IS your mom anyway?
Duo- THAT�S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!
Sally- I think it is! Where is she? Did she leave a number?
Duo- NO!!
Sally- What time is she gonna get home?
Duo- I don�t know! She told me that she�d be home soon though so if I were you, I�d leave!
Quatre- We shouldn�t be fighting at all!!
Hilde- Sally! You�re a fag! Go away!
Wufei- YEAH! Listen to Hilde!! For once, she�s RIGHT!!
Hilde- I am? Thanks Wufei!! Hugs him around the neck.
Wufei- LET GO OF ME WOMAN!!
Hilde- Gladly! Remind me never to hug YOU again!
Wufei- You think I WANTED you to hug me?
Hilde- You think I wanted to hug you?
Wufei- Looks ready to cry. I DON�T KNOW!!
Hilde- You�re so cute!
Wufei- I get that a lot. Just as long as you don�t hug me AGAIN or kiss me or obsess over me or give me any stupid nicknames or do anything Sally does, I�ll be fine.
Hilde- Don�t worry. You may be cute but you�re kind of a knave!
Wufei- A KNAVE?! What�s THAT supposed to mean?!
Hilde- I don�t know.
Wufei- How DARE you! I thought you LIKED me!!
Hilde- No. I like Duo better.
Wufei- You like DUO better than ME?!
Hilde- Yeah.
Wufei- Starts to cry. I feel so unloved.
Sally- Don�t cry my little pomegranate! I love you!
Wufei- But I don�t WANT you to love me!
Sally- Oh you�re just tired! You�re ALL tired! It�s time for bed!
Heero- You can�t TELL me what to DO!!
Duo- Heero, give up. You�ll be back to normal in the morning.
Heero- Eyes watering and pleading. You think so?!
Duo- Sure!
Heero- You REALLY REALLY think so?!
Duo- Yeah.
Heero- YAY!! Hugs Duo and impatiently runs to the closet to get his sleeping bag.
Sally- See? Look at Heero! It�s time for bed!
Quatre- Come to think of it, I AM tired. Yawns and gets HIS sleeping bag. Sally goes to get Wufei so that they can get their sleeping bags but when she looks at the spot where he was, he was gone. She looked over by the window to see him with her sleeping bag in his hand.
Sally- Oh, you want to use MY sleeping bag? Okay! It�s VERY comfy!
Wufei- He he he. Drops Sally�s sleeping bag out the window.
Sally- WUFEI!! NO!! Wufei bursts into a cruel laughter. Duo and Hilde join in. Heero and Quatre are both asleep. Trowa looks up from the book he was reading but he missed what happened so he goes back to reading. But Wufei�WHY?!
Wufei- In between laughs. BECAUSE�I�HATE YOU!!
Sally- What?!
Wufei- I LOATHE you! I DESPISE you!! I detest you and cringe at the mention of your name!! I would MURDER you if I had the chance!! It would be a QUICK murder so that there would be no way of saving you but it would be PAINFUL!! Possibly CHOPPING OFF YOUR HEAD!! Wufei starts laughing diabolically.
Sally- You don�t like me?
Duo- To Hilde. What was her first clue? Hilde giggles.
Wufei- I�HATE�YOU�SALLY!! Sally runs out of the building crying.
Wufei & Duo & Hilde- YAY!! NO MORE SALLY!!
Trowa- Actually surprised and excited. WHAT?!
Duo- Sally�s DEAD!!
Wufei- Excited. She IS?!
Duo- No, but we can pretend.
Trowa- YAY!! Their cheering does not wake up Quatre or Heero. It just makes Quatre turn in his sleep.
Quatre- Still sleeping. The black pony is so pretty!
Duo- Hee hee! Quatre�s talking in his sleep!
Wufei- No kidding.
Duo- No, watch this! He bends down to Quatre�s ear. Hi Quatre.
Quatre- Hi Duo.
Duo- Quatre, you�re not allowed to ride the black pony.
Quatre- Still sleeping. Why not?
Duo- Because I killed him.
Quatre- Why? The others start laughing.
Wufei- Bending down. Because it reminded me too much of Sally.
Quatre- Oh. Sorry Wufei.
Hilde- How does he know who�s who? Wufei shrugs.
Trowa- Quatre, I know which pony you can ride.
Quatre- Trowa! I think that�s more than you�ve ever said in your entire life!
Trowa- Umm�yeah. Well, you can ONLY ride the pony that looks like DOOR.
Quatre- NO! Starts tossing and turning. NO! Not DOOR!
Hilde- As a matter of fact, that pony that you�re on right now IS Door!
Quatre- AHHHHHH!! Shoots up from his sleep to see the others laughing at him. I had a terrible nightmare!
Duo- About a pony named Door?
Quatre- How�d you know?
Wufei- You talk in your sleep.
Quatre- I do? Everyone awake nods. Well then. Looks around. Hey, where�d Sally go?
Wufei- Louder than necessary. WE KILLED HER!! Starts laughing diabolically.
Quatre- But we shouldn�t be fighting at all!
Hilde- Don�t worry, she�s not really dead, he�s just all too happy that she�s gone.
Quatre- Disappointed sounding. You mean she�s still alive?
Duo- Afraid so. Quatre sighs with disappointment.
Quatre- Oh well! Looks at the clock but doesn�t get anything from it because he can�t tell time anyway. It�s getting VERY late. You guys should go to bed!
Duo- NO WAY!! This is MY birthday and I say we stay up ALLLLL night and make prank phone calls and tell ghost stories in the dark and play truth or dare and break the world�s record for� Duo falls sleeping once again, snoring loudly.
Hilde- Did he just die or something?
Wufei- Pulling out his own sleeping bag. No, he just does this sometimes. He takes a sleeping pill and is out like a light within seconds. His arms are crossed and he is lying on top of his sleeping bag and of course looking VERY cute.
Hilde- I�m not tired in the least bit! She turns to Trowa. I guess it�s just you and me now Trowa!! Trowa looks up from his book and nods. He then goes back to it. Okay� She gets bored with Trowa and climbs into her own sleeping bag and falls asleep. Trowa falls asleep on the armchair a lot later curled up in a ball and looking very cute.
THE NEXT MORNING!!
Quatre Mom tiptoes past the floor of sleeping children and over to her own blond-headed child. She shakes him awake.
Quatre Mom- Quatre�Quatre�
Quatre- Sleepily. Yeah?
Quatre Mom- We have to leave early because I completely forgot about our family�s monthly dentist appointments. We have to hurry because they started an hour ago and I left the girls there all alone.
Quatre- Okay. He gets up, packs all his stuff and leaves with his mom. Suddenly, Heero wakes up hoping that he was back to normal but he knew that he wasn�t back to normal right away because HOPING for something is not something he usually does.
Heero- WHAT�S WRONG WITH ME?! This wakes everyone up except Trowa.
Wufei- Do you want me to LIST the reasons?
Heero- Umm�
Wufei- Well, for one, YOU WOKE ME UP EARLY!!
Duo- Not a good move Heero.
Hilde- Wufei�s not a morning person now is he?
Duo- Not exactly. Just as Wufei was going to jump on top of Heero and beat him to a pulp, a shot is fired near his head. He looks over to see Heero Mom holding a smoking gun.
Heero Mom- Touch my son and you will not live to tell about it.
Wufei- Is that a CHALLENGE?!
Heero Mom- Ha. You challenge ME?
Wufei- You were the one who challenged me! Wufei pulls his bag closer to him with his foot.
Heero Mom- You DARE oppose me?
Wufei- OPPOSE you?! You WEAKLING!!
Heero Mom- How dare you. She shoots at Wufei but Wufei flips his sword up and deflects the shots.
Wufei- I do not fight weaklings! Lunges toward Heero Mom while yelling but stops when he hears a faint cough. Behind Heero Mom is Wufei Dad. DAD!!
Wufei Dad- Wufei, you dishonor me. Challenging this weakling. And not only THAT but a WOMAN?!
Wufei- But I can explain!
Wufei Dad- Please do! They both leave while Wufei is explaining what happened in great over-exaggerated detail that made HIM look like the victim. Heero Mom angrily walks over to Heero.
Heero Mom- Why did I have to handle that for you?
Heero- I�m sorry mom.
Heero Mom- How many times have I told you NEVER to apologize?
Heero- I�m sorry mo�OH MY GOD!! DON�T POINT THAT AT ME!! Heero Mom lowers her gun, wide eyes.
Heero Mom- Son, what has gotten into you?
Heero- Bursting into tears. I DON'T KNOW!!
Heero Mom- Well, we are going to have to train EXTRA hard until you are back to normal.
Heero- OH THANK YOU!!
Heero Mom- Heero, we don�t use that kind of language in our household.
Heero- Oh, sorry.
Heero Mom- Heero�
Heero- I mean�shut-UP mom?
Heero Mom- You�re getting there. They both leave.
Duo- Counting everyone. Okay, we�ve got me, Hilde and Trowa.
Hilde- And Trowa�s sleeping!
Duo- How can you tell? All I can see is his hair and his feet with the armrest in the way. He�s not snoring either.
Hilde- I don�t know. Duo, let�s do something mean!
Duo- YEAH!! They start walking over to Trowa but before they can do anything cruel, Hilde�s Mom knocks on the door.
Hilde Mom- Hilde, time to go!
Hilde- But MOM!!
Hilde Mom- If you come now, I�ll let you be player one when we play the new Nintendo game.
Hilde- Oh, okay. She gathers all her stuff and leaves with her mom. Bye Duo! See you later!
Duo- Bye Hilde! When Hilde leaves, Duo looks around. He is left with a sleeping HALF-mute boy. Trowa Mom then comes in and looks at her sleeping child.
Trowa Mom- Trowa, wake up!
Trowa- Huh?
Trowa Mom- GASP!! Trowa!! Trowa throws his hands over his mouth. I�ll forget I heard that and I WON�T tell you father if you promise never to do it again. Trowa nods in agreement. You didn�t stay up late reading again did you? Trowa nods his head in shame. Where is your chalkboard? Trowa does a little charades game showing how Duo broke it. Not again! That�s the THIRD chalkboard!! So you not only talked and stayed up late reading but you lost your chalkboard?! Trowa nods again. Trowa and Trowa Mom pack up Trowa�s stuff and leave, Trowa Mom lecturing Trowa by chalkboard. Duo is left alone in his messy apartment. He looks around at the mess his guests had made that surrounds him. He quietly walks over to the mess and starts picking everything up, not wanting to disappoint his mom when she finally gets home.