This was thought of as I was filling ice trays while doing the dishes... I think I should seek 
professional help. *sweatdrop* Warnings: This fic contains LOTS of pretty, pretty boys and 
girls who just so happen to be *siiigh* in love(well... most of them. Others... well... they 
just look cute OKAY!?)! =^_^= If that irks ya, then TOUGH! >=P And now... the fic!


"Bitch Fight 195!!!" Round ONE
by Shinigami Baby


The camera is on a piece of neon pink posterboard, which is obviously being held by someone 
with shaky hands. In black permanent marker, it reads "Bitch Fight 195!!!". The camera now 
moves away from the posterboard and focuses on a neko. It looks like she's talking off-camera 
to someone.

"They stole MY whipping cream too?! Sweet Jes...Hi! Shinigami Baby here! I am reporting to you 
live from... from..." Shini-chan covers the mic and asks someone off camera where the hell she 
is. She nods and faces the camera once more. "... Colony L-3 to bring you Bitch Fight 195!!!" 
She smiles. "The first fight is about to begin. I managed to get backstage and here's what the 
first two contenders had to say..."

Trowa glances around calmly. "Do I have to do this?" He asks ever so sexily in that "Trowa 
voice" of his.

The camera nods. "Yup." Shinigami Baby says, casually wiping the drool.

"But I-" Trowa starts.

"Hey, just remember what this is for."

Trowa frowns. "But I-" Trowa's eyes welled up with tears.

"Crying isn't going to help this, Trowa!" Shinigami Baby says, handing him a tissue.

Trowa blows his nose. "I *sniff* I guess you're right... but what if I... What if I 
looooooose?!" Trowa begins crying hysterically, clinging to Shinigami Baby.

"Eek! Don't do that!" Shinigami Baby says nervously as she tries to pry the sobbing bishounen 
off of her. She knew that if Quatre caught her right now, she'd be dead. "C'mon Trowa, let go 
of meeee!" She finally managed to get Trowa away from her by handing him a chibi Sailor Uranus 
doll (it kinda looks like Quatre in a dress, ne?). Trowa squealed and hugged the doll tightly. 
Shinigami Baby sweatdropped. "Now let's see what his opponent has to say..."

Shinigami Baby walked, followed by the camera person into the girls' dressing room. She turned 
to the camera once to say "Don't get a nosebleed now, Wu-chan."

"Don't call me 'Wu-chan', onna!" Wufei protested from behind the camera.

Shinigami Baby pulled her eyelid down and stuck her tongue out at him. "Don't call me 'onna', 
WU-CHAN!"

Wufei grumbled something about justice and continued filming as Shinigami Baby opened the 
locker room door. There were naked bishoujo everywhere. All we see the camera do is pan upwards 
toward the ceiling, then hit the floor. The screen is fuzzy for a moment, then the camera is 
once again on Shinigami Baby. "Do you have it?"

The camera nodded. "Yeah, I can handle this. Naked women are nothing, just don't get me in the 
guys' locker room." The camera voice said. 

"Why? 'Cuz Heero's in there? I figured you'd WANT to see him naked..." Shinigami Baby teased.

"SHHH! Don't tell!"

Shinigami Baby smiled. "Okay, okay, gomen, Duo. Let's just get this over with."

"Gotcha."

Once in the locker room, the two weaved their way through the crowd and finally made their way 
to Dorothy Catalonia. She was humming "Joy To My Life". (As much as I can't stand Dorothy, I 
love that song) She looks up at Shinigami Baby and the camera and smiles.

"Well hello there." Dorothy says coolly. 

"We're here to interview you on your upcoming fight with Trowa Barton." Shinigami Baby said, 
trying not to look directly at the girl's prominent eyebrows.

"Oh yes... that." Dorothy said. "Well, all I can say is that I wish him the best of luck."

Shinigami Baby smiled at the camera. "See!? That's what good sportsmanship is all about! And 
now, the fight!"

Shinigami Baby and Duo exit the dressing room and take their seats by the ring. Duo still has 
the camera, so it tilts sideways from time to time as he goes to shove some popcorn into his 
mouth. Shinigami Baby nudged him in the side.

"Oi, it's starting... keep the camera still, Duo." She said.

Duo sweatdropped "Yeah, yeah." He straightened the camera and focused on the ring.

"Ladies and gentlemen, here's match number one for the evening... Trowa Barton VS Dorothy 
Catalonia!" The ring announcer, Kaworu Nagisa from Neon Genesis Evangelion said. "Okay you two, 
keep it clean." he said to Trowa and Dorothy as they faced off.

"Give her hell, Tro-chan!" Quatre shouted two seats over from Duo.

Hiei plugged his ear that Quatre had just screamed into. Kurama only laughed and patted him on 
the shoulder.

Dorothy put her hands on her hips and smirked. "Think you're gonna win, eh Barton?"

Trowa nodded. 

Dee Laytner from FAKE rang the bell while drooling at poor Ryo. (Ryo: "SAVE ME!")

>DING<

Trowa lunged at Dorothy, but she moved quickly out of the way.

"Ooh you missed meee!" Dorothy teased.

"GRRR!" Trowa growled.

"Oh nooo!" Dorothy shouted in mock terror. "He's gonna get me!"

Relena snickered. "You're so funny Dorothy!" She cheered for her friend.

Dorothy's eyes turned into big pink hearts. "Y...you think I'm funny, Relena?" *sparkle sparkle*

Relena sweatdropped and clung to Heero. Heero sweatdropped and clung to Duo. Duo just smirked 
and continued filming.

Dorothy, while in her trance, was smacked clear across the face with a resounding Bitch Slap(tm) 
from Trowa. She blinked a few times, then the hearts in her eyes turned into fire. She reached 
back and slapped Trowa across the face with another Bitch Slap(tm). Trowa rubbed where Dorothy 
just slapped him and kicked her in the shin. Dorothy howled in pain. As she grabbed her hurt 
leg, Trowa pulled her hair.

Wufei, a tissue rammed up his nose from his nosebleed shouted from the audience. "You two fight 
like WOMEN! Barton! You give justice a bad name!!!"

Sally slumped in her chair, pretending she didn't know the Justice Avenger.

Quatre sniffled. "Don't you love me anymore!? If she wins, then I'm her slave forever! I'd 
rather serve yoooooou! *wink*"

While Trowa was listening to Quatre whine, Dorothy snuck up behind him and tried to put him in 
a headlock. Before her arms could go around him, Trowa spread his arms out over his head as to 
prevent it. He then spun around and ripped Dorothy's eyebrows off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Dorothy screamed as her eyebrows fell to the floor. 
She bent over and picked them up. Whipping out a handy-dandy roll of duct tape, she taped them 
back on. 

The audience collectively shuddered. Dorothy smirked and pointed at Trowa. "You're going DOWN!"

Trowa scratched the back of his head. "I did that this morning..." He glanced over at a very red 
Quatre.

"That's... not what she means, koi..." Quatre said, embarrassed.

"Oh! Oops!" Trowa said, turning to face Dorothy again. "I'm not going down again until we're in 
the car at least!"

Quatre fainted.

Dorothy raised a duct taped eyebrow. There was a pause of silence, then she finally screamed 
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! NOT THAT KINDA GOING DOWN, YOU HENTAI!"

Trowa blushed. "Oh God... now everyone KNOWS!"

The audience collectively sweatdropped. Like they didn't know anyway... *snort*

Dorothy sighed. "I forfeit! This sucks!"

The bell rang. Kaworu ran onto the ring, raising Trowa's hand. "And the winnerrrr is....."

"ME!" Quatre said. "I'm the Winner!"

No one laughed at Quatre's stupid joke. He sighed and sat back down. Kaworu glared at him, then 
continued. "And the winner iiiiiissss.... Trowa 'The Latin Lover' Barton.... 'Latin Lover'?"

Quatre stood up. "I wrote that!" He beamed.

Trowa blushed as he walked off-stage, Quatre bouncing behind him happily.


Duo turned the camera on Shini-chan. 

"Well, that was round ONE, round TWO will be here after this short commercial break brought to 
you by the spiffy people at Omae o Korosu Enterprises!" She said.

The commercial pans up to Heero. He is hacking into a computer somewhere when all of a sudden, 
a guard comes up behind him and tells him to stop what he's doing. Heero smirks and puts his 
hands up in a surrendering pose... then he reaches behind his back and shoots the guard.

In a voice over, Duo can be heard. "Ever wonder how Heero keeps all that stuff in those 
tight-ass sexy spandex *drool drool*? Well... so have I! Turns out he's got another dimension 
pants! Yes, it's true, I've been there and it's *quite lovely*... *ahem* If you would like 
another dimension in your pants, call the number on the screen below and order YOURS today! 
Spandexspace pants brought to you by those swell people at Omae o Korosu Enterprises! What 
WON'T they threaten to kill!?"


Well that was part one, gimme some c&c guys! =^_^= Round 2 is Duo VS Relena!!! Jaaa! Heehee! 
=^_^=