| Email the Author: [email protected] and [email protected] Door�s Party By US The setting is Door�s mansion. Door has decorations all over his house that say Happy 21st Birthday and stuff like that. Door- In a chipmunky voice. I wonder when my party guests will arrive! I hope they do arrive before I drink all the wine by myself! The doorbell rings. Doorbell- Chiming. DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR! Door- Thank you doorbell! Doorbell- Chiming. YOU�RE WELCOME! Door opens the door to see Duo standing there, smiling with a present in his hands. Duo- Do I have the right house? Is this�Door? Door- Right-didily-ight!! Duo- Umm, okay. I�m sorry but I don�t know you! Am I your friend? Door- Of course! Duo- How old are you turning? Door- 21!! Duo- I�m only four. Door takes Duo�s present. Door- Come, we must sit by the window and wait for the other guest to arrive. Door puts the present on the stairs. He takes a wineglass and some wine. Wine? He starts pouring some. Duo- Uh, no. Door- More for me! He sips the wine down slowly. I am now of the (sip) legal drinking age (sip) so I won�t be arrested (sip) for drinking wine!! Duo nodded, not sure he was liking Door. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang again. Doorbell- DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR! Door- Thank you doorbell! Doorbell- YOU�RE WELCOME! Door opened the door to see Trowa standing there with Trowa Mom behind him. Trowa- Turning and facing Trowa Mom. Please, can I PLEASE skip this? This is DOOR we�re talking about! Trowa Mom- Just stick it out. She smiles at Door and leaves. Door- Welcome, Trowa! Wine? Trowa- No. He hands the present to Door. Door- MORE FOR ME! He sips more wine when the doorbell rings again. Doorbell- DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR! Door- Thank you doorbell! Doorbell- YOU�RE WELCOME! Door opened the door to see in Quatre in Quatre Mom�s arms. He is practically crying. Quatre- PLEASE! NOT DOOR! LET ME STAY HOME!! Quatre Mom- Don�t you know it�s RUDE to turn down an invitation when someone invites you to their birthday. Quatre Mom puts Quatre down. Quatre wipes his eyes and walks in the house. Door shuts the door as Quatre Mom gets in her private airplane and flies home. Door- Hello Quatre! Wine? Quatre- In tears. NO!! Door- MORE FOR ME! He sips more wine when the doorbell rings again. Doorbell- DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR!! Before Door can go to the door, Duo grabs his shirt. Duo- How do I know you? Did you baby-sit me? Are you friends with my mom, dad, six brothers and three and a half sisters? Door- I must answer the� Doorbell- YOU�RE WELCOME!! Door- Stamping his foot. CRUD-MONKEYS!! I forgot to say thank you to the doorbell!! Now it just looks like she said, �You�re welcome� for no reason!! Duo- Crud-monkeys? Duo was beginning to think that he didn�t really like Door. Door- Skipping. TRA LA LA LA LA!! I love answering the DOOR because my name is DOOR!! TRA LA LA LA LA!! He opened the door and a tied-up Wufei was tossed into Door. UFF!! Quatre, Trowa and Duo ran over to help their friend. They quickly untied him and he stood up and ran to the door, which slammed and locked, in front of his face. Wufei- NOOOOO!! He turned around sadly. How could they do this to me? The four turned around to face Door who was slowly advancing toward them. All four- AHHHHHHHHHH!! Doorbell- DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR!! Door- Thank you Doorbell!! Doorbell- YOU�RE WELCOME!! Door stood up straight and ran to the door to see Heero kicking and squirming in his mother�s arms and struggling to get free. Heero- MISSION NOT ACCEPTED!! MISSION NOT ACCEPTED!! MISSION DENIED!! MISSION DENIED!! He looked up to face Door. AHHHHHHHHH!! Quatre- I�ve never seen Heero act like this. Heero Mom- Heero, you must complete your mission if you like it or not. Heero- I DON�T like it! He continues to try and get free but Heero Mom tosses him in and slams the door. The door automatically locks. Door- Wufei, wine? Wufei shakes his head and backs away. Wine, Heero? Heero- IT�S POISON! DON�T DRINK THE WINE!! Quatre- Door! You were trying to POISON us?! Door- Why would I poison the wine? I was just offering it to you because I thought that you would want the pleasure of wine. But, more for me! He sips the wine. Okay, now that everyone is here, we�re going to play �Spin the WINE Bottle�! Duo- But I�m only FOUR! Quatre- And I�m five! Wufei- Me too! I�m only five! Heero- Mission denied! I�m only FIVE! Trowa- I�m six. Quatre looks at the chalkboard. Quatre- Reading. Something six. Oh, yeah! Trowa�s only six! Door- But I�M twenty-one! And since I�m the birthday boy, I get to choose what we do! He leads the five into another room that has a full wine bottle in the middle. Whoops, forgot to drink it! He starts drinking it. Heero makes his way to the door only to find it locked. All done! He sets the wine bottle in the middle of the room on its side. Okay, we�ll just pretend that Wufei and Duo are girls because they already look like ones. Duo- I�M NOT A GIRL! Wufei- NEITHER AM I! Door- More chipmunky then ever due to all the wine his drinks. I know that! Let�s just use our imagination! Duo- Starts to cry. I don�t WANT to be a girl! Wufei- IS crying. I REFUSE! Door- Well, we can�t be kissing BOYS now can we? Quatre- We have to KISS?! Duo- Now crying. But I AM a boy! Door- But we�re PRETENDING you aren�t! Wufei and Duo run into the corner crying. I love my self-locking doors! I love the word DOOR! DOOR DOOR DOOR DOOR DOOR! I love that WORD! DOOR-DEE-DOOR-DEE-DOOR!! Door continues chanting the word, Door while Quatre, Trowa and Heero stare at each other and raise an eyebrow. Door starts laughing then wipes a tear from his eye. Wine anyone? Everyone shakes their head. MORE FOR ME!! He sips more wine while everyone waits. Why so silent? Quatre, are you jealous because I�m richer than you are? Quatre- I�M richer! I have a million minions and all you have is a doorbell! Plus, my house is a lot bigger! Door- You�re lust jealous of my doorbell! It says MY name! Does your doorbell say your name? Quatre- No, it doesn�t. But� Door- No excuses!! Don�t even try!! Door laughed cruelly at Quatre as Quatre began to cry too. Door went into a nearby closet and pulled out two dresses on coat hangers. He then started advancing on Wufei and Duo who just cowered in the corner. Come on. You can�t be pretty girls without pretty dresses!! He then jumped on them and grabbed Wufei and easily forced him into the dress. He then buttoned up the back so that he couldn�t get it off. Wufei started crying louder. Duo ran around the room trying to get away but being less than half Door�s size, he was soon caught and also forced into the dress. He tried to pull it off but only succeeded in getting it stuck over his head. Both boys in dresses started crying loudly in each other�s arms. Door came over. You can be Wendy�Pointing to Wufei. He turned and pointed to Duo. And you can be Donna!! Now come Donna and Wendy. Come sit around the circle!! He dragged them both over to the circle where none of the other guests had dared to move. He sat them down across from each other as they both stared up at him. Okay, who will spin first? I know!! I will! For I am the birthday boy!! Door spun the bottle around and when it stopped, it landed on Quatre who looked horrified. I have to go again because Quatre�s a boy!! Quatre sighed with relief. Door took another spin at the bottle and this time it landed on Duo. Duo jerked his head up to face Door as he slowly advanced toward him while puckering his lips. Duo- AHHHHHHHHHH!! He got up and ran to the door and started banging on it. LET ME OUT!! LET ME OUT!! I�M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!! He turned around to see Door slowly coming toward him with outstretched arms. Door- Kiss me Donna!! Duo ran into the corner but when he got there, found that he was trapped. Duo- AHHHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!! Door got closer and closer when all of a sudden he stopped. He looked at his watch, which was now beeping. DINNERTIME!! Door shrieked and all the doors unlocked and opened. Duo nearly fainted with relief when Door happily trotted into the other room. Heero- I say we escape!! Duo- Rips off the dress that Wufei had unbuttoned and then turning around to unbutton his. I�m for it!! Quatre- Me too!! Wufei- Rips off the dress. Count me in. Trowa nodded excitedly. Heero- Okay, now follow�Before he could finish his sentence, a large T.V. screen lowered in front of him. Door�s face appeared on it. All five of them- AHHHHHHHHH!! Door- Sounding extra especially chipmunky over the T.V. screen. Do not be alarmed!! It is only I, DOOR, telling you that your food is getting cold!! Heero- DINNER�S CANCELLED!! He reached for his gun and pulled it out and shot at the T.V. screen a few times only to find it empty. WHAT?! NO!! All of a sudden, five huge hands came out of the ceiling and grabbed each boy and brought him to the kitchen. It them dropped them in separate chairs and a belt fastened around their waists. TRAPPED!! Quatre- Starts to cry again. I WANNA GO HOME!! Wufei- Why me?! Duo- AHHHHHHHHH!! Trowa had smashed his face on the table. Door- Wearing a chef hat. Here are your meals!! He dropped a plate in front of each boy. I call it �Door a la Door�. MWA!! He kissed his fingers. Everyone looked down at their plate. It appeared to be some sort of mangled rodent with the fur still on that had been soaking in pickle juice for about fifty years. It smelled terrible and the eye sockets were oozing with pink stuff. Duo- Someone barfed on my plate!! He looked over at everyone else�s. Someone threw-up on EVERYONE�S plate!! Wufei- I�M going to throw-up!! Trowa- Do you have anything that doesn�t resemble road kill? Quatre- This poor�whatever it is. Even Heero, who tries anything, pushed his plate away in disgust. Heero- Mission DENIED!! Door looked up from his roast turkey dinner. Door- YUM YUM!! What? You don�t LIKE your meals? Oh well!! I�m full anyway!! Let�s play another game!! UP TO MY ROOM!! Door stupidly marched upstairs all by himself. The five boys looked at each other. Even if they WOULD follow him upstairs, they couldn�t because they were stuck to the chairs. Duo- Pushing his plate as far away as possible. Now I KNOW I don�t like him!! Wufei- I can�t believe my parents forced me to come. Quatre- I�m gonna have nightmares for weeks!! Trowa- It�s not fair!! He started silently crying into his arms. Heero- He looked as though he is looking for something in his pocket. AHA! I found it!! We�re saved!! He pulled out a pocketknife. Heero flipped it and a pair of clippers came out. He began trying to cut the belt around him. The T.V. screen with Door�s face on it lowered again. Door- Naughty naughty!! (sip) Good wine. (sip) He reached off screen and pressed a button. The hands came out again and grabbed each chair and carried them upstairs to Door�s room. Duo- AHHHHHH!! Quatre- MOMMY!! Heero- Looking down. NO!! I dropped my pocketknife!! Wufei- Not the ROOM!! Once you go in there, you don�t come out�ALIVE!! Trowa- (Gulp.) All five- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! The door slammed behind them. The seatbelts on the chairs unhooked and they all jumped down and ran to the door only to find it locked. Quatre- We�re TRAPPED!! TRAPPED LIKE RATS!! Door- Rats? How does you being trapped have anything to do with RATS?! Wufei- The stupidity!! The annoyance!! NOOOOO!! Door- Hee hee. My guests are so silly. Long pause. I have an idea!! Let�s open presents!! YAY!! He claps his hands together twice and all five presents are dropped in front of them and dealt out to the respected �giver�. Door takes Quatre�s present first and opens it to reveal a bottle of wine. Heero- Is it poisoned? Quatre- No. Heero- Then why did you give it to him?! Quatre- I�m so ashamed!! My mom said that I should be polite and FORCED me to get him that!! He starts crying loudly. Door- Yum yum. My favorite brand!! He smacks his lips together. He reaches for Wufei�s present but Wufei pulls it away. Wufei- I�m KEEPING this. My parents ALSO said that I needed to be polite and give you a nice present but I�m not giving it to you!! Door- Oh you silly neener head!! He easily snatched it away and started opening it. Oh! I WINE BOTTLE statue!! My favorite!! I do so LOVE wine!! Wufei- Hey. He wipes the tears from his eyes and tries not to cry. Door- If this were real, I�d drink it!! HAR HAR HAR!! He stops laughing and eyes his next victim and their present. Trowa. GIMMIE!! Trowa pushed himself as far away from Door as possible. Every time Door got closer, Trowa scooted farther away. Door finally had him against the wall when he grabbed the present and ran back over to the circle. WHAT IS IT?! He opened the gift to reveal a book about wine and stuff like that. Trowa- Looking ashamed. I had to be polite too. Door- This wine looks good enough to DRINK!! He began licking the pages. Everybody stared at Door until he finally remembered that everyone is there and went back to present opening. Who�s next?! He turned to Heero. Heero- I didn�t get you a present. Door- That�s not very nice you bum!! OH WELL!! You can get me one later!! He turned and snatched Duo�s present away. He began shaking it. This doesn�t FEEL like wine or anything that has to DO with wine. Duo shrugged. Duo- I didn�t know who you were or what to get you so� Door- Holding up his unwrapped present. A DOORKNOB?! Duo- Umm�it felt only right. Door- I have MILLIONS of doorknobs!! Duo- Now you have a millions and one. You never know when you�ll need a spare!! That�s what I always say. Door- You�ve RUINED my birthday!! Door runs out of the room crying. Duo- Umm�Duo WOULD have felt bad if it weren�t for two reasons. One, this was DOOR and two, everyone was congratulating him. Quatre- YAY!! Wufei- We�re SAVED!! Heero- We must find a way to escape!! Trowa- Why didn�t I think of that? Duo- I KNEW that would happen!! Heero- Now, the doors are locked and I don�t think that� Wufei- USE THE WINDOW!! He pointed to a nearby window. Heero- You�re a genius Wufei!! Wufei- Looking surprised. I am? Heero ran over to the window and climbed up onto the windowsill. Duo and Trowa followed after while Wufei and Quatre remained on the floor. Heero- It�s locked but there is no lock on this window!! Wufei- How can you not put a lock on a window but still manage to lock it? Quatre- Starting to cry. I WANNA GO HOME!! Duo- Try BREAKING it!! He grabbed Trowa and hit his head hard against the window. Trowa looked dizzy and did a little dance before falling to the floor. Okay�maybe not. Or maybe Trowa�s head is too soft. Heero- If only I hadn�t dropped my pocketknife! Duo- Sarcastically. Good job! Quatre- Seeing Trowa lying face first on the floor. AHHH!! TROWA�S DEAD!! Heero- No, he�s just knocked out. Quatre- Crying. Are you sure? Heero- Yes, don�t worry. Wufei- How are we going to open this window? He looks around to see rows of wine bottles lined up on the wall. Mysterious Voice From Nowhere- Psst! PSST! Hey, you! Over there! Quatre- Wiping his eyes. Me? Mysterious Voice From Nowhere- Yeah! If you get me some wine, I�ll open for you guys. Quatre- Who are you? Where are you? Mysterious Voice From Nowhere- I�m Window! Just smash some wine on my pane and I�ll open. Quatre- Uh, okay. He gets up and grabs a bottle of wine and smashes it on the window pane. Duo ran over to him and grabs his shoulders and starts shaking him. Duo- Why�d you do that?! Quatre- Starting to cry again and pointing to the window that is covered with wine. The window told me to! Duo looks at Quatre with the �Are you insane again?� look. Suddenly, the window creaked open. Duo- What?! How�d you do that?! Quatre- Drying his eyes again. I don�t know. Wufei- Heero, don�t you have some sort of rope gun or something? Heero- Pulling out his rope gun. Of course. He goes over to the window and is just about to shoot it on a tree when the window shuts and smoke starts filling the room. The smoke is blue. DON�T BREATH IT IN! IT WILL MAKE YOU GO TO SLEEP! Quatre and Duo fall asleep before they hear this. Trowa is already knocked out. Heero and Wufei stay in the room, holding their breath when finally, Wufei falls asleep as well. Heero holds his breath for as long as he can before falling asleep. The smoke disappears and Door walks in the room. Door- Even MORE chipmunky after crying and four more glasses of wine. NOW the fun begins! THE NEXT MORNING- The setting is some sort of underground dungeon. All five of the kids are pinned up against the wall with little manacles around their wrists and ankles. They are still asleep. Heero- Waking up. Where am I? Where is Door? Door- Did somebody CALL me? He is holding a whip. Heero- What do you plan on doing with us? Door- We were going to play a game. Heero- With a hint of annoyance in his voice. What game could we possible play with us on the wall? Door- Oh, I thought we�d play TORTURE CHAMBER. Duo- Waking up as well. What? Looks at Door. Door? Where am I? Why am I at DOOR�S house?! Heero- It seems you have your memory back. Duo- Why are we at Door�s house?! Help!! HELP!! Duo�s yelling wakes up Wufei, Quatre and Trowa. Quatre- Immediately starting to cry. I don�t like Door! I want to go home! Please let me go home! I�m too young to die! Wufei- I TOLD my parents this was a bad idea! Trowa has no way of saying anything; Door took his chalkboard. Actually, even if he DID have his chalkboard he wouldn�t be able to hold the chalk or anything. Door- Oh, peaches! You�re all awake! Now we can play a game! Quatre- It�s way past my bedtime! Duo- I don�t have a bedtime! Wufei- It�s my past my bedtime as well. Heero- What�s this �bedtime� you speak of? Door- Whipping his whip. SILENCE! Everything is quiet except for Quatre crying. SILENCE! Just because I�m richer than you doesn�t mean you can go and ruin my birthday party! Quatre- Choking. I�M richer!! Door- Okay, first I�m going to TORTURE you! Quatre- Between cries. Then what?! KILL us?! Duo- You�re gonna kill us?! Heero- At least I�ll die like a soldier. Wufei- No, I can�t die NOW! Not with the martial arts tournament tomorrow! Door- I will do it all ONE AT A TIME! I�ll start with�He looks at everyone�s faces. WUFEI! Your torturous activity is you must DUEL with me! The manacles around Wufei�s wrists and ankles unclip and Wufei plummets to the stone floor and lands flat on his face. Wufei- Ow� He stands up. Door- Here is your sword! He throws a butter knife at Wufei�s feet. I will be using this machine gun! He pulls out a machine gun from behind his back. Wufei picks up his butter knife. Quatre- GO WUFEI! KILL DOOR! Duo- COME ON WUFEI! IT�S ALL UP TO YOU! Heero- Your death will be avenged. Wufei- This isn�t fair! Can I at least have a SHARP knife? Door- Looking surprised. Heavens NO! I might get hurt! I wouldn�t want THAT! He chuckles stupidly. Now, let the duel begin! He starts shooting at Wufei. Wufei jumps behind a table and hides there until Door runs out of bullets. TIME OUT! I have to reload my gun. Wufei- NO TIME OUTS! He lunges at Door with a shard of glass that he picked up off the floor. He hits Door right in the chest. Door- AHHH! WUFEI! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! Door crumbles into a pile of dust. Quatre- YAY! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! Duo- GET US DOWN FROM HERE! Heero- Good fight. Just as Wufei was about to let everyone down, Door�s dust reforms to see DOOR!! AHHHHH!! Door- More chipmunky than any chipmunk could ever be even if it tried. How DARE you! He claps his hands and giant white hands come out of nowhere and take Wufei into the other room. Wufei- AHHHH! LET ME GO!! Heero- He will be remembered. Duo- NOOO!! WUFEI!! Quatre- What are you going to do with Wufei!? Door- I think you should be more worried about what I�m going to do with YOU! Quatre starts crying hysterically. YOU�RE next because you�re annoying me! Quatre blinks a few times but then starts crying harder. He then unhooks and plummets to the ground. Stand up and fight! We will DUEL! Quatre- Between cries. But we shouldn�t be fighting at all! Door- TOUGH! He throws a butter knife similar to Wufei�s to Quatre. Quatre picks it up. May the richest man win! Duo- COME ON QUATRE! YOU CAN DO IT! Heero- We all know you�re the richest so that will make you win. Door- May the fight BEGIN! He immediately starts shooting at Quatre. Quatre curls up into a little ball and cries. Door has such bad aim that he doesn�t hit Quatre at all. Door stops shooting and starts tapping his foot. Come on! You�re not being FUN! Quatre- I wanna go home! I�m telling my mom! Door- We can�t have a party pooper! Door claps again and the same hands come out and carry Quatre out of the room to the mysterious beyond. Duo- NOOOO!! QUATRE!! Heero- He will be remembered. Duo- By WHO!? How can we remember him if we go to the same place!? Door- SILENCE! You�re next! He points to Trowa and on command Trowa plummets towards the ground. He flips a few times and lands on his feet. Hey, you weren�t supposed you be able to do that! He throws another butter knife at Trowa. No more cheating! GO! He starts shooting Trowa but Trowa easily dodges every one. Trowa finally flips into the air and sticks the butter knife clear through Door�s head while he was reloading. AHHH! I SAID NO CHEATING! Door turns into magma type liquid. Duo- HURRY! BEFORE HE COMES BACK TO LIFE! Heero- Quick, he CAN recuperate. Trowa goes to press the button but the giant hands grab him. Door already came back to life!!! AHHHHH! THE HUMANITY!! JUST DIE DOOR! Door- Every time Door dies, his voice gets even more chipmunky than before. Guess how chipmunky it is now! Naughty, naughty. Duo- NOOO�wait, no, losing Trowa isn�t THAT bad. Heero- He will be remembered. Door- Eeny, meeny, choose a playmate! He does eeny, meeny miny moe with Duo and Heero. Duo- To Heero. You know what Quatre would do in a situation like this? Heero- Cry? Duo- Exactly. Duo starts crying. Heero sniffs a little but holds back. Door- My mother told me to pick the very best one and it is�YOU! Heero unhooks and is hurled towards the ground. He takes out his rope gun and shoots the ceiling. He climbs up the rope and blasts open the ceiling. He climbs onto the roof and runs away. CRUD MONKEYS! MY PLAYMATE! Duo- RUN HEERO! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! He looks around. Oh no! I�m all alone! HELP! HEERO COME BACK AND SAVE ME! Door- SILENCE! Duo unhooks and shoots towards the ground. He lands on his face. Now up! Here is your butter knife! Duo- Lying face first on the ground. Sorry, the fall killed me. Door- OH NO! Are you SERIOUS?! Duo- Yes, I am dead. Door- OH NO! MY BIRTHDAY IS RUINED! WHY DID YOU DIE!? Duo- Starting to enjoy himself. Because you were mean. Door- Is there anyway I can make you come back to life? Duo- Let me and my friends go! Door- ANYTHING! Trowa, Quatre and Wufei drop from the ceiling. All their faces are stained with tears. BE GONE FROM MY DOMAIN! He points upstairs. All four run upstairs to the door. Doorbell- DOOR, SOMEONE�S AT THE DOOR! Pause. YOU�RE WELCOME! The door opens and Quatre Mom is standing there. Quatre Mom- How was your time? Quatre- MOM! TAKE ME HOME! He jumps into her arms and starts motioning her towards their private helicopter. Duo- Grabbing Quatre Mom�s leg. TAKE ME WITH YOU! YOU CAN�T LEAVE ME HERE WITH�DOOR! Quatre- Okay! Come on Duo! Wufei- Me too! Quatre- Okay! You can, too, Trowa! All four get in the helicopter. They are about to take off when they here little suction noises from underneath them. They look under them to see Heero with little suction cups in his hands clinging to the bottom. Come on, Heero! You can come too! Heero jumps in and they fly off. Door confines himself in his house for eleven years!! YAY!! |