How to Cope with Anger:
Reappraise...Respond...Relinquish...Relax
The more complicated your life gets -- the more people you interact with on a daily basis -- the more incidents occur that can irritate, annoy, provoke, incense, madden, infuriate, and enrage. Anger and all its cousins are permanent occupants of your emotional menage.
Anger Is Normal, But...
Most people don't enjoy feeling angry. It's uncomfortable -- even more uncomfortable if you lash out and someone gets hurt or angry back. Anger can have unpleasant repercussions and destructive consequences for everyone concerned.
Repressing anger -- keeping it bottled up inside -- can cause headaches, back pain, nausea, or other symptoms. "Letting it all out" isn't good for you either. Anger in hard driving Type-A personalities has been associated with coronary heart disease and sudden death. And no matter what your "type," acting on anger can make you angrier, each angry outburst prolonging and deepening the distress. Anger can lead to full-blown conflict, damaged relationships, even aggressive or violent acts.
Emotionally-driven automatic responses are usually learned in childhood, so by adulthood reacting angrily can be a habit. Plus it's easy: Clench your fists, tighten your muscles, turn red in the face, and yell. The payoffs are pretty obvious: momentary relief coupled with the appearance of being in control.
What to Do
Instead of reacting impulsively, train yourself to keep a lid on angry feelings until you have cooled down. Then confront the situation -- or person -- calmly. When flooded with negative emotions, the ability to hear, think and speak are severely impaired. Taking a "time out" can be enormously constructive. However, 5 minutes are not enough; research suggests that people need at least 20 minutes to recover from intense psychological arousal. During those minutes (and at other times, too), try some of these techniques for coping with and defusing anger:. |
