The internet is also a great place to meet people who live in their parents basement and engage in an act called "cybersex", which I frankly never understood. It's also a nice place to meet people who want to know everything about you, and then some. Quick, check your window. Nobody there? Your obviously a recent subscriber to the internet. You'll have a site devoted to you by some neo-Nazi fascist from Idaho in no time.
However, when your online, I certainly hope you aren't trying to locate a reliable website. Oh sure, I know their out there, but type in "Michael Jackson info", and the search engine will most likely direct you to any site that contains the word "info" in it's title. Fabulous work, Officer Oblivious! Now just about every site that anyone has ever created is right there at your fingertips. Except any site about Christian fundamentalism. You wont find any info there.
Well, you've been fired from your job,you smell like Jeffrey Dahmers freezer, you havent shaved, bathed or brushed your teeth in weeks, but you dont care, because your actually making progress. You have, against all odds, narrowed your search down to less than 1,000 websites. You might actually find the site your looking for in just a shade under a decade.
Holy crapcakes, call Letterman, you've just found your beloved, long-lost site on vegetarian meat loaf recipes. Welcome to the information superhighway. You are jubilant. But wait, whats this? Popups? NOW? After my trek across the vast tundra of the internet? I dont want my penis any larger! I dont want to meet new people online! I DON'T WANT A NEW LONG-DISTANCE DEAL!! Now the only progress you care about is how far you can chuck this waste of space out of your tenth floor terrace. Of course, you also care about the noise the computer would make if it hit a bystander. Isn't the internet great?
One last thing. On AOL IM, the abbreviation thing has gone way too far. "brb", "lol", "g2g". Take a few seconds and TYPE THE FRICKIN' MESSAGE OUT! Sorry to sound so militant, but the abbreviations online are a major psychotic hatred of mine. Just like when someone messes with my hat. Leave these people to the gas chamber.
