Ladies. Listen to me here. A fart is a natural bodily function, just like burping and yawning. Methane builds up in the depths of your colon, and periodically it must be released. And ladies, do you know what happens when that methane isn't set free? SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION!! Which, by the way, is NOT a natural bodily function. Spontaneous combustion is about as natural as Michael Jackson's face. So lay off of us ladies, and let us toot. At least we do it right.
2.Americans who bitch about illegal immigrants taking they're jobs
Hey, America, guess what? If these immigrants "have no right to be here", as alot of Americans compassionately put it, then nieither do you. You know why? Because your ass came from some distant land too. Everyone in this world came from somewhere else. You all like to bitch about how they "take jobs from honest, hard working Americans". OK, buddy, did ya ever think that happened because America is a free country where the best man for the job is supposed to get it? I'm not a big believer in affirmative action, but I like it because it pisses white people off. And even if they did take your precious jobs, it isn't like your ancestors did anything better. In fact, you didn't stop at simply taking jobs. You took they're lives and drove the survivors to little dirtbag reservations, completely isolated from the outside world. Whens the last time you met an Indian family? Thought so. If you cant handle the fact that non-Americans are better suited for your job than you are, then go get a hotel room and cry like the bitch you are. I certainly wont lose any sleep over it.
3.Hot Topic
Hot Topic was cool when it first came out, because it was something new and different. But in America, you can count on two things: we'll take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or we'll take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground. Hot Topic is a pathetic place where rich suburban white kids can throw spikes on they're wrists and walk around like they're independent. Too bad all the shit in Hot Topic is corporate owned, which is why you see 6 million sad sacks wearing the shirts with the same cutsie slogans on them: "Keep staring, I might do a trick", "I used to be schizophrenic but we're OK now". Wow, your real different. I've come up with a catchy new slogan for Hot Topic: "Hot Topic: Where Independence Has a Brand".
4.people who mess with my hat
I dont know why this pisses me off, but all you assholes better can that shit, otherwise you will subject yourself to a humbling and vigorous beating.
5.Protestant youth groups who say that I'M brainwashed; Christian rock
I've seen and heard this shit a hundred times. These youth pastors who are 25 but act like they're 16 bashing Pokemon and zombie movies because they are "brainwash tools". I laugh and think, aren't these people with dull and meaningless lives running around, getting in my face and telling me to "come be saved by Jesus" brainwashed? These are usually the people who know nothing about Christianity or the Bible, uneducated puppets of Jesus. You know the ones. The ones who listen to the devil's music. And the devil's music is Christian rock. Christian rock completely defies the teachings of Jesus Christ. But you Christian rock assholes wouldn't know because you don't read the Bible, you just go to these concerts and wave your arms around "for Jesus" like a God damned zombie. Real Christians aren't supposed to mention Jesus 200 times in a three minute song. I'm not a Christian, but I'll tell you this: actions speak louder than words,bitch.
