hmm and I live in central Illinois now :o)

I am so sorry to hear of the abusive life you lived. Wonderfully though, you can share it and perhaps help others, and that is a positive thing. As for abortions, that's a hard call. I don't get into it with my own beliefs, only that they have changed ratically in the last 30 years. I'm not saying which way either, cause I've been on both sides of the fence. I think highly of you that you have the guts to post this. You are speaking your mind, and what you feel. No one can walk in your shoes...especially a politician. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have gotten the help you need to deal with your issues, you deserve it, you deserve a better life. I was abused as a child, and trust me, it takes a lot to forgive, but you can, forgetting is harder. You must remember the times were different back then. However, it was wrong of your Mother to make you feel that way, afterall, she's the one who opened her legs...not you! She had her "enjoyment". Pay the piper if you know what I mean, make your bed and lie in it...don't hurt an innocent child. You were a victim and she continued to keep you a victim because she couldn't play the cards she was dealt. I also hope your Mother has gotten the help she desparately needs.

Like I said, the time when you were born was a totally different time, and you have to know whether she wanted you or not, she made the best possible decisions she could at the time with the limited availability of answers back then. Still, it's no excuse for her actions.

I too was raised where the men are like loyality, (In America), but wonderfully, THAT has changed. Now, we just allow them to THINK they are. (We know better...LOL!)

My hugs go out to you. You're not alone, and I applaud you on this post.

Wow, how sad. I feel for you. My next door neighbor was the only girl of 4 children and her mother repeatedly would say how much she hated having a girl and how she wished she had all boys. You could see the heartbreak on her face. She ended up getting into drugs and really having some tough times. Very sad. Very wrong of her mother. No one deserves that. I had all sons and no girls. I did have an abortion due to my health that was not my choice, the doctor said it was necessary. I will never forget that. I will never forget that life being ripped out of me. I do not recommend abortion at all. That is not birth control and selective abortions are just proof of the fact that our society is falling so far. I feel that God has a plan for each of us and we are here for a reason. We each have free will and unfortunately many do not make very good choices with what they are blessed with. What they do not realize is what they inflict on the rest of us. You keep your chin up and smile and look for your blessings and build on those. You have a purpose.

I'm sorry for your pain. I dsagree with you wholeheartedly though, where do you think boys come from? From women. You are not the only child/person to have been abused growing up and you need to grow up and get off of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Most people have issues/stories that are not pleasant. You are one of many. The point is what you yourself make with your own life once you turn 18. You seem to be alive and seem to be older than 18. What are YOU doing with your life now to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else? We've all had bad experiences happen to us (or at least most of us have). Time to recreate your life and erase the parts you don't want and fill them up with more of what you do want in your life instead of complaining about it. Most likely, you will make people run away from you. You need to make yourself more interesting..do something interesting instead of whining and complaining. What are YOU going to do besides complain about your childhood? Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but it seems to me that instead of someone kissing up to you, someone needs to be straight with you. I am a child's right advocate and have been for years. I became one for personal reasons which I will not discuss. What are you going to do? xo

One more idea, There are no womens organizations around that truly help women. Although there is a men's rights movement and has been for the last 30+ years. Maybe you need to take astand for womens' rights. It seems to be your calling only you seem resigned to the fact. Go do something. make a difference, don't lay down and die.

Terrible situation. Only love and respect for one another can heal it.

dearest mary jane, how kind of you to comment, I hope Creator blesses you on any path you take. love from me, dez

My father, who was a kindly man towards myself and my sister, still hoped I would be the son who would carry on his name. I often wondered why he told me about this when there were so many other things he could shared with me about who he was, and didn't, and over a lot of years I've worn the "burden" of his disappointment.

However, your sad story puts things into perspective for me. I was never made to suffer the abuses you were and not being punished in this way, I now realise my dad didn't blame me, after all, for the fact that I was born a girl.

I see now he wanted to communicate something very real to me, that he was saddened by the thought of our family line coming to an end when having no son to carry on the family name. And he was right. It is sad and, having the currency of truth about it, it was a worthy sentiment to express.

I wish very much for you that, despite the tragedy in your past, you will find a perspective to help you leave the pain behind.

There should be no abortion at all - may it be a boy or a girl!

I am also an adult child whose mother wished she had aborted. She told me that when I was 16.
There have been many days when I wished that she had. My soul could have been free then to inhabit the body of a baby who would be born to a Mom that would have loved and wanted me. Or she could have put me up for adoption. There is no pain like growing up always thinking there was something wrong with you, that you were bad and possibly even evil, and having it all come from the very person who was supposedly supposed to love you the most.

I'm surprised by the insensitive comments spewed by Mary Jane Moore - Wright. I get the name (and I agree with you) but MJMW, of all people, how could you have such a lack of not only tolerance but compassion? Your advice is to "grow up and get over it"? That is so narrow minded. It's mean and it's rude. Do you realize that in saying something like that you become part of the problem, instead of the solution. There is so much hate in the world - please let some of it stop with you.
How about um... medicating... and letting your mind open to the fact that time heals people at different rates and in different ways. I've only recently started my path to healing and ridding my life of toxic people and I'm not sure how long it will take before I feel like I'm a human being and not a worthless person. But... I do feel better every day.

I agree that God has a plan for each of us. I think his plan for me was to talk about the abuse I went through and then show how through God's love, I have been an excellent Mom to my own children. People hear me talk and realize that Childhood Abuse is not something to be ashamed of or something to hide. People look at me and see a strong woman who survived. Although to be honest - I don't always feel like one.
When we tell our stories we open ourselves up intimately and bare parts of our souls and we do this in order to heal. It's like saying to someone, "here is this part of me that I don't think you are going to like, but that you need to know before you make a decision to be my friend." You can tell who is worthy of your friendship, like Kathleen, Terri and Lost, because of their responses. Their nurturing sides take over and their first response is to make you feel better. Their positive energy will light your soul and help you to heal.
Negative people will tell you to shut up and Get Over It. Those are toxic people - full of hate - who will try to make you feel bad about yourself. There is no reason to have anything to do with people like that.

Seek out the good people, share your pain with them and allow them to share their pain with you. You'll be helping each other out and that's a wonderful thing. The good that you do in this life, will be repayed in the next. Dezbird, Kathleen, Terri and Lost in Brain Space... BIG HUGS and much love to you. In reading your comments you have made a difference in my day, that's for certain. I hope that one day I can do something to make you feel better about yourselves if you need me to.