Words shall be our last bullet!? This is one of the powerful commands that I received from my colleagues in the religious movement that I am presently in. It means to say that what we have learned must be first translated into life, into concrete project or action, or into behavioral patterns before it will be announced or at least talked about. I tried it and it worked, very effectively.

It calmed and silenced me. It made me reflect before doing things. And the things that I do made me reflect further on the presence of the divine in all that I do.

That caution was certain. That caution was done, out of love, especially for the neophyte in the movement. But, like that man in the Gospel who was cured by the Divine Healer, who could not contain himself and shouted from the rooftop to announce the miracle, the good news, that the Real Presence has changed him, I, too, could not stop myself from saying something. I could not stop myself from shouting: GOD IS GREAT! GOD IS REAL! HE IS LOVE. AND HE LOVES ME IMMENSELY!

I can say this NOW after 42 years of my journey with much intensity because, though I consider myself a great sinner, a person who deserves condemnation, yet, the God whom I have offended the most, embraced me with His loving care through all these years. The Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Holy Eucharist, the love of the Christian community, the Focolare Family, and my very own family, all these safeguarded me from losing my FIRST LOVE.

Writing used to be my tool in reaching out to others, in expressing the contents of my heart. But, for a long time, I stopped doing it. Maybe, because there was no occasion for writing, or maybe because every present moment that I tried to live day by day did not call me to write. Now, I’m doing it again. My heart is now being pictured on papers.

I hope this time the words that I will use are the last bullets because they are not borne out of great ideas and speculations but from real experiences – words that are spoken because they are lived out.