"So, made any New Year's resolutions?"

I read this comment online this afternoon while chatting with a couple of friends, just messing around and wasting a little time on a day off. I rolled my eyes a bit, then went on to read other comments and check my e-mail. Resolutions. HA. Nothing quite like setting myself up for a fall, making public promises to eat better, exercise more, do better financially, and every other vow we all seem to make on the first of the year. Every year. Without fail.

But, on the other hand, do we give up? Do we look at our past and just shrug? Sometimes, we look at the failures of the previous year and think that things can never change for us, that we aren't capable of doing any better. We (and I'm speaking to my fellow believers here) have a head knowledge that God forgives us when we make mistakes, when we sin and fall short of the mark, but WE don't forgive so easily. We look at our failures and think "yeah, like I can really change." And go on living in pain and shame because we know that we are so very far from where we ought to be.

And what we do not believe, we cannot do.

I have been made to look at my life today. I have gone through some changes this year that I can barely manage to believe I've made it through. Between my own trials and those of my friends, I've been forced to my knees more than once. Finally, I was forced into a corner, where I had to admit I needed help, help I didn't want to ask for. God came to my aid by sending me friends who not only wanted to help me, but didn't look down on me for needing it.

Things started to change, not only physically, but emotionally. And most of all, spiritually. I'm finally at the point where I am aware I need to let people get close to me, not to live with the stubborn pride that keeps me thinking I have to do it all alone.

And now, at the start of a new year, I am really coming to one simple conclusion: I have a very long way to go. But it's alright. I've started in the right direction. And if I trip and fall, if I slip back, I can get up, try again. The fact that I am not where I ought to be is not a condemnation, it is a simple statement of fact. And I will not be in this place, this time next year.

No matter what, I am loved. What a thing to realize, after not understanding it for so long! My failures and flaws do not mean that I will be abandoned by God or my friends. I can get up and try again, and eventually move further on.

And so can you.

Happy New Year, dear friends.

Darcy