| The Frightingly Erotic Stories of Laurence Llewelyn Bowen |
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| II'm proud to announce that, the master of sensuality himself, Mr Llewelyn Bowen is going to help you mere mortals achieve a god like sex status through simple tips. |
| Episode I Setting the Mood: I always did have difficulty telling when my partner was in the mood, even when I was still at Public school. Often bigger boys would prudishly storm through my shimmery shaffon door curtain. Grab my sexy long hair and force me to the bed, only when they ordered me to squeal like a pig did I realise it was pudding time... But with my wife I have developed a very good system, I call it the 12 hour marathon, once a week me and Trudy Llewelyn Bowen make like rabbits and get dirty for 12 straight hours. But how do you create that perfect atmosphere? I think the bodies most powerful sexual organ is the mind so why not look nice for your partner? I always find a nice suit can do wonders, especially when Trudy wears a moustache with the suit and pretends to be my old tutor. The room itself should be prepare suitably for the coming antics. My downstairs study, is just perfect. Its tastefully yet decadently decorated in royal oak and rich sumptuous leather. Just like the head masters office... Once your ready straddle her like a bitch and bum her like a year 7 she'll love it... especially if you steal her lunch money afterwards!!! |