| Its not me, its you |
| For those luckless few who have are stuck in dead end relationships i present to you the its not me its you letter. A letter so wonderful it will end a relationship leaving you in a position of absolute power hooray!! Dear __________ I am sorry to say this but I feel our relationship has run its course, and i am no longer happy with the arrangement. When i got with you that 'special' night, I was drunk infact you knew i was drunk i was sick on your shoes. Well that night was susposed to be it a quick shag to prevent me having to jerk off to MTV's Britney Spears-athon. And through my beer goggles you looked almost acceptable... almost. That night would of been the end of it but you insisted on stealing my mobile no. then calling me, and my poor sweet heart just couldn't tell you the truth and so got stuck in this relationship... I have realised over the duration of our relationship that i deserve better i first had this thought while boning your 16 yr old sister (at least your parents got it right second time around) So to prevent myself from having to break up with you at all i decided to treat you like shit hoping you'd end it at least that way you'd have some esteme left. So i got drunk, let you pay for dinner and a taxi home, kicked your dog through a plate glass window still no idea. I forced you to give me head instead of actually shagging you, i find you as attractive as a rhino's boner and it would prevent me from seeing your face. I understand this relationship is unfair to me i have realised i deserve better. And all those times you've walked into the bedroom naked and my jaw hit the floor its cos you could be the exact body double of Roseanne... maybe you should consider a career change. Basically its you not me. I can't believe how much i've put up with these last ____ days/weeks/months/years its time i moved on. _________________________ P.S can i have your sisters mobile number??? |