| the kfc seven herbs and spices conspiracy... this could be one of my most harrowing tales, it could also be one of the worlds largest arse crisps... i knew something was foul when i first heard about the secret ingrediant of kfc so i set up my micro camera, sound recording kit and black transit van and set off for the local branch... i had visited the night before and managed to book an interview for the next day. when i arrived i was hustled through the 'cooking' area into the back. i was terrified that they had stumbled across my real plan a 17 year old male called 'Tony' conducted the interview. Tony: so why do you want to work for KFC? Cyrus: because all my life i have dreamed of joining the kfc family. Tony: fuck off (at this point i start to lose my nerves) Cyrus: what? Tony: no one wants to work here Cyrus: (phew) oh right Tony: well your not very greasy but i suspose your skin may break out into spots soon your hired... well now i'm in so i arrived that night before opening time. They explained that they 'cookers' were really buckets of fat with bunsen burners beneath but whenever i asked about the secret reciepe he changed the subject. he told me that i now had to be initiated into the kfc clan, i do not wish to go into detail of this degrading experience... i was told that the rush hour began at 7 and we would need to prepare extra chicken to cope, i was ordered to start deep fat frying the chickens (still alive no less) after about an hour of dunkin' i was told to go out back and smoke... as i left i kicked over the bucket of sauce knowing they would need to mix another batch. When Tony came out back to find me i realised there was trouble. he told me to get into his car as we were to drive to a warehouse to collect more sauce... as we drove we were in complete silence i was terrified about what may happen as we arrived at the warehouse my nerves were on edge i knew if they worked out what i was doing it would be the end for me. as he opened the door of the warehouse i was amazed inside there NEXT |